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Is It Love or Is It Addiction: The book that changed the way we think about romance and intimacy Paperback – March 27, 2009

4.6 out of 5 stars 48 customer reviews
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 296 pages
  • Publisher: Hazelden; Third Edition edition (March 23, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1592857337
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592857333
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 5.5 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #68,633 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsAn excellent resource for addicts who want real love!
By A Customer on July 28, 2001
Format: Paperback
I can't believe I am the first one to review this book! After struggling with addictions of all sorts for years (including alcohol, drugs, sex, and love addiction), I finally determined why I kept sabotaging my relationships with women. My compulsive search for something to help me feel less pain came from my childhood, and this book was the stepping stone that helped me see that there was hope to overcome this tricky addiction, seek help, and learn to love myself and others with authenticity.
I highly recommend this book to any alcoholic, chemically dependent or sexually addicted person. There is hope for a relationship without painful addictive behaviors, and this book will help you find that hope!
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5.0 out of 5 starsOne of the most important books I've ever read
By merganser on July 28, 2006
Format: Paperback
I initially bought this book because I wondered if being in love was just an addiction. But I learned so much more than that. This book should be helpful for practically everyone. It talks about how our love relationships are related to unmet needs from childhood. It described my parents relationship almost exactly and I see how it affected me. It was amazing that anyone knew all this stuff.
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5.0 out of 5 starsVery Helpful
By Heather R. Maxfield on July 20, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Not only discusses the symptoms, but also walks you through some steps to stop it, and to work through it. A wonderful book. I keep it on my bedside and consult it frequently even though I have read it cover to cover.
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5.0 out of 5 starsA touch of brilliance
By Arnab Banerjee on December 12, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I had been involved in a relationship with one woman I believe is 'beautiful and sensuous', but soon found myself reeling under an extremely co-dependent relationship where I tried to define my life values through her eyes. In spite of red-flags, we kept 'seeping under', we found it difficult to get over our urges to contact/control each-other even when the relationship was over, and she had started dating other guys. As I realized that I was in a co-dependent relationship, I decided to fix it, I bought quite a few books on the subject. So far this is the best I have come across.

A very tersely written book that concentrates on what is right rather than giving several examples of what is wrong. What I find best about this book is that it attacks the distinction of love and addiction discussed in the most scientific viewpoint rather than from a purely behaviourial/psychological aspect. Of course it has all the definitions and explanations, but it never encouraged to 'spoonfeed' the solution. It rather created a background understanding of the problem from a clinical and philosophical aspect. It religiously encouraged clearing the concepts, and quite rightly, once the concepts are cleared the mistakes and solutions were just clear to see.

I am a scientist by profession and would not accept any argument without a chain of reasons supporting it (in that way, you can say I have a co-dependency on 'reasoning':)). I was finding it difficult to just 'eat-up' the solutions and recommendations presented by the other highly-rated books, until this book reached me, and taught me how rationally analyse such problems and create our own healthy set of recommendations instead of co-depending on books to recommend us.
1 Comment 14 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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5.0 out of 5 starsThird Edition Rocks
By Daniel P. Lorenz on May 14, 2009
Format: Paperback
The Third Edition is a vast improvement over the Second. I have read the second edition. This book was given to me by a friend. I returned it to the owner, and bought the Third edition. The Second edition read like a textbook. I found it to be very formal and technical. The stories in the Second were fascinating but I had difficulity connecting the concept the Auther was writting about. I found the Third edition to read much more cohesively. The concepts, I found, are more vibrant and more comprehensible. I completely understand the point the Auther is making.
I choose the Third edition to be in my library
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5.0 out of 5 starsA Powerful Book for Change!!!
By Free Indeed on February 15, 2010
Format: Paperback
As I've been going through the process of my separation and
divorce, I recently read the book Is It Love or Is It Addiction?,
by Dr. Brenda Schaeffer, as a means of learning from my failed
relationship. I figure we can always learn things about ourselves
from our relationships, especially the failed ones.

The 3rd Edition of the book presents new information about
Addictive Love by making distinctions regarding "love addiction,"
"romance addiction," and "sex addiction." I've found it to be an
excellent read that is giving me greater insights into myself and
has helped me become aware of some unhealthy patterns in my
relationships.

What I also found great about the book is that it talks about the
characteristics of healthy belonging and relationships and
provides some exercises for moving into and maintaining healthy
relationships.

As you think about your relationships, or care to help others with
theirs, perhaps my review of this book will encourage you to check
it out, to gain some additional tools.
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5.0 out of 5 starsThis book is bound to become a classic!
By Hsiao Yu Chen on November 29, 2009
Format: Paperback
After suffering a painful, obsessive, unrequited love. I found this book that helps me a great deal. It opened my eyes, and helped me find the source of this addiction tracing way back into my childhood.

While everyone's source of love addiction is different, this book gives you a tool to understand the root of your own, buried deep in subconscious, and usually stem from childhood experiences.

The last part of a book gives a workshop type step-by-step guide to recovery. Recovery is never easy, of course. But this book gives a solid self-help guide to find the root of the problems and heal oneself with it.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 starsPowerful explanation of and antidote to, love addiction.

Difficult subject deftly handled. Profound explanations expanded with ease. The perfect antidote for a deeply addicted society. Recommended! Buy it!

Published 3 months ago by christopher denis
5.0 out of 5 starsYou're not crazy, you're addicted!

We read this book for a self help group and most love it and related to so much of it. Strongly recommend if you are having trouble leaving a toxic relationship.

Published 7 months ago by JennyMDR
5.0 out of 5 starsI would recommend this to anyone who want a deeper understanding of...

Very informative book. It explains a lot of things about the differences in men and women that we all take for granted. Read more

Published 11 months ago by Thomas Stockton
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Used in my counseling practice and very aware of its benefits.

Published 12 months ago by Donita Reeves
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Wonderful informative book.

Published 12 months ago by Anne
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Excellent perspective because it's well balanced.

Published 12 months ago by Heidi holm
4.0 out of 5 starsFour Stars

great product!!

Published 12 months ago by KK
5.0 out of 5 starsGreat Book !

So have you wondered "why isn't one lover enough?" or repeatedly asked yourself why you can't stop that certain compulsive sexual behavior that has destroyed yet another... Read more

Published 12 months ago by Tom Hallberg
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Loved this book. Really helped me understand love addiction in both myself and others.

Published 13 months ago by Courtney
5.0 out of 5 starsThis was a really good buy, I wish I had it way before ...

This was a really good buy, I wish I had it way before I got let go but I'm glad I have it now. There's a lot of good information, suggestion, and advice plus the author is very... Read more

Published 14 months ago by Rafael Meza

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