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Living and Loving after Betrayal: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment Paperback – September 1, 2013

4.6 out of 5 stars 23 customer reviews

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  • Living and Loving after Betrayal: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 248 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (September 1, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1608827526
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608827527
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 5.8 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #86,965 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

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Dr. Stosny has hit a grand slam home run, again. The healing approach in this book grows from the same fertile bed of research and clinical experience that made his boot camp for resentment, anger and abuse reduction so successful. It focuses on a betrayed person claiming and creating for him or herself a Healing Identity. This changes a betrayed person from a victim to an empowered person able to successfully choose improvement, healing, repair, recovery and growth over pain, suffering and shame. Betrayal can cause the betrayed person to feel inadequate and unlovable, the admission of which is too painful to admit. Stosny, as in the boot camp, provides practical steps that replace that loss of worth or value with ways to value yourself more, so much so that external adversity cannot touch the core of one's value. Stosny goes on to provide very wise counsel and steps when one betrayed seeks to love again, either in a new relationship, or in rebuilding a betrayed relationship. This reviewer is a marriage counselor, who has used Dr. Stosny's approach, now wonderfully set forth in this book, with many couples over the past years. It works, and works very effectively. This book is easily accessible by non-clinically trained readers, as it is written for the betrayed partner. Counselors and therapists will find it a valuable resource to grow their skills in helping couples and to give to couples with whom they work. This reviewer cannot recommend this book more highly. It warrants wide distribution to both audiences: couples and clinicians.
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This was a helpful read with a really valuable and important premise. However, if you have history of trauma, this book should be used in conjunction with professional help. I really like the idea of building a healing identity and investing in your core value as a path to healing. Some things I thought were lacking: 1) the traumatic nature of betrayal was inadequately dealt with 2) self-compassion is a vital part of the recommendations in this book but it was not fleshed out well 3) there is was not enough instruction on how to help yourself when you feel vulnerable emotions. That being said I've gained something quite useful from reading this book and would recommend reading this while working with a professional. Betrayal is rarely something that can be worked through on your own.
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This book gave me a lot of useful ideas and exercises that I can put in place now to heal and recover from my spouses infidelity. It has helped me to focus more on the future and how I can move forward rather than obsess about the past.
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The gist of the story is a profoundly loving one. That is, by loving oneself and recognising one's own true value, you can actively place yourself in an enabling position/s. The practical advice and tasks, associated with the admonition that work must be done by the so called 'victim' to change ingrained behaviours, is very encouraging.
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You do not have to have been betrayed in a relationship to benefit from this book. Yes I found this book while in a marital therapy program but I desperately needed to learn to deal with Trauma responses and PTSD. I have recommended it and has spread like wild fire to not only members of my group, but facilitators, counselors, etc. Any person interested in becoming the best person they can be can read this book and still relate. Dr. Stosny is an emotional gift from the heavens to anyone that takes the time to read his work.
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Dr. Stosny gives us an amazing set of tools with which to navigate through situations which may have been built up over years and years - resentments, betrayals, neglect, etc. If you want to free yourself through compassion and forgiveness, here it is. It has quite literally helped me change my life, bring my attention and focus actions and insights that are geared toward health and happiness. I am eternally grateful and have bought several copies to give to friends so I can share this gift!
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This is an excellent book for all those who have suffered intimate betrayal. It doesn't matter how long it's been since discovery. This book is helpful at every stage of working through the hurt and the immense pain and focusing on gaining back self esteem and self value. Dr. Stosny focuses the first 2/3 of the book on the betrayed person teaching them how to get in touch with their core values with enhancing exercises and examples. The last 1/3 is focused on moving on either in a new relationship or with the remorseful and changed betrayer. The sections on trust and forgiveness really spoke to me. Thanks for a great book that I have highlighted and will go over frequently.
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As my title states, this is one of the better self help books on the market. It actually helps heal from within and allows the reader to take a step back and review his/her situation with "new eyes". There are parts in the book that may not affect you - skip them and go to the next if you want, but my advice would be to at least give these sections a look see. I bought the book to keep as a reference, you may wish to do the same.
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