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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
All for one, one for all? I don't think so..., July 8, 2002
Ewwww! Had to go soak my head in the sink after this one. The Musketeer is one of the most feeble films I've had the displeasure to see in a long time (and I like a lot of films that are generally deemed "stinkpots." This one was low even for my deplorable taste.) Despite what is going to be a nasty review ahead, you might love this film anyway if you adore all swashbucklers and swordfighting films. So keep this in mind as you read further. The Musketeer is an adaptation of Dumas' Three Musketeers. I'm not rating this film badly because this subject has been filmed excessively --I love retold classics and we can always use a good swashbuckler. I don't even mind that this is "Musketeer Lite" (with only 1 Calorie, I mean, Musketeer instead of the three or four we usually are served up. Your favorites, Pothos, Aramis and Athos are present, but are usually drunk or being disaffected during most of the film.) What makes me want to demand satisfaction from the producers of this travesty is the miserable script, stupid direction, sloppy editing and shoddy acting. While Stephen Rea (Cardinal Richelieu) and his minion-from-Hell Febre (Tim Roth) were admirable villains, our hero D'Artagnan (Justin Chambers) was pathetic. Obviously, the casting director wanted Johnny Depp, who wisely steered clear of the script or was hiding behind a velvet curtain when this role was being passed out. Justin Chambers looks like he's making a real effort to be a Depp copy, but his lack of acting ability and slurred diction proved that cloning is years away from being able to be successfully implemented. Catherine Deneuve is nervous but adequate as the French queen (however, in a number of scenes she is visibly looking at the director with a Gallic twist to her eyebrows and a French word nearly on her lips beginning with "m." ) The exceptionally pretty Mena Suvari is a nice touch as the ingénue Francesca. She gets most of what would have been the good lines. Too bad her delivery was about as punchy as a tax court case summation. Even worse were the special effects from Hong Kong's action-meister Xin Xin Xiong (rhymes with "wrong".) This looked like a bad copy of "Crouching Tiger" with "stuntman-on-a-string" action in the sword fights and what could have been good but was merely stupid and unrealistic dancing on the ceiling. BUT, if you love special effects, lots of swordplay and fighting, you might love this film just for these scenes alone. The good news is that on the DVD, you can fast-forward to these scenes, indulge your bloodlust and skip the rest of the gar-BAHZH.. I love swordfighting but not enough to love this film. The setting was supposedly in Paris and other parts of France, but done mostly in Luxembourg. This added to the unconvincing effect, though the donjons, palaces and scenery were lovely European postcards. It just wasn't France, except for some spots filmed in Toulouse. Which rhymes with "you lose." All for one and one for all? Not a chance. This film is definitely "All for NONE."
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