Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Campy, but a fun ride, July 7, 2009
This is one of those films you secretly watch, time after time, but wouldn't let anybody know you do. It's badly acted in most spots and the "monsters" are generic, but the story gets you and draws you in. I like Christian Slater and can't really stand Tara Reid, but the story draws you in and you get a fun ride. Had to have it for late night scare-fests.
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10 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Alone... keep it that way!, July 5, 2007
I laughed, I cried, it moved me... out of the theatre.
Not fast enough, sadly, to escape the inept pile of rotted debris that is "Alone in the Dark." Uwe Boll's adaptation of the video game is the sort of movie that usually gets relegated to discount bins for four bucks, but isn't ever purchased -- oh yes, people, it pushes new boundaries of horrendous silliness.
It opens with an explanation about the Abskani, an ancient civilization who apparently worshiped demons -- and were somehow destroyed by them. Fast-forward to the twenty-first century, and you find that the adage about "those who don't learn from history" is true: Professor Hudgens (Mathew Walker) is obsessed with using Abskani artifacts, and only Edward Carnby (Christian Slater), a clone of Agent Mulder, can hope to stop him.
Carnby is haunted by nightmares that are somehow connected to those ancient demons, and by experiments that Hudgens performed years ago. He teams up with his museum-curator ex-girlfriend Aline (Tara Reid -- no joke!) to stop Hudgens from using some ancient statue to release interdimensional aliens, who may destroy the entire human race.
"Alone in the Dark" is an orgy of ridiculous idea, a steaming pile of rancid celluloid that should have been relegated to 2AM showings on the Sci Fi Channel. In fact, it's difficult to understand why this video game adaptation wasn't relegated to the "Direct to Video" bins, along with all the other bad F-movie horror flicks.
And where to begin? What bad aspect about this disaster is the worst?
Let's start with Uwe Boll's direction -- it's leaden and uneven, full of slow-motion and quick cuts at all the wrong moments. Apparently nobody told Boll that alien beasties jumping out does NOT count as a shocking plot twist. At least Boll wasn't directly responsible for the script, which includes a sex scene for the sake of having one, and such delightfully illogical scenes as Aline reading ancient scripts by memory.
The acting never becomes much better than the script or direction -- Slater and Dorff are sleepwalking through their roles, probably counting the seconds until they can punch out for the day. And Tara Reid manages a bit of hilarity as a scientist -- Boll lets us know she's brilliant, because she wears glasses. It's like watching Paris Hilton pretend to be a particle physicist.
After the so-bad-it's-bad trainwrecks of late, Uwe Boll's reputation as the worst filmmaker alive -- perhaps ever -- is cemented in place, to the point where he could probably ruin a nature special with wooden acting and cracked-out camerawork. "Alone in the Dark" deserves to stay alone.
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
A DREADFUL, APPALLING, HACKNEYED PIECE OF HORROR FILM CINEMA 1.5 OUT OF 10, March 1, 2009
Have you ever wondered why most horror films are so awful these days? Let's take a look back into 2005, one of the worst years in the history of cinema. A year in which the majority of the films that came out were really bad. This was one of them and went down as one of the worst horror films of all time (A score of 9 out of 100 on Metacritic), which is ironic because in the same year we saw one of the best horror films ever made, The Descent. Since 2005, Hollywood has not recovered and continues to deliver a lot of awful films. Uwe Boll, I'm willing to defend the House of the Dead film you made, but only because it was so bad it was hilarious. Alone in the Dark on the other hand is one of the worst horror films ever created. This film makes House of the Dead look like a glorious George A. Romero zombie film. Here's what the film is; take Alien, take Resident Evil, and take AVP, butcher the hell out of them, stitch them together and call it Alone in the Dark. It doesn't even have the "so bad it's good" vibe going for it. This film easily lands itself a spot in my top five worst films I've ever seen list. Now let's review this horrendous film.
WHAT IT'S ABOUT: You know the film from the beginning is going to be an atrocious mess when you have to read a long line of text that is narrated to you because test audiences complained they didn't understand the plot (Though I'm pretty sure that wasn't their only complaint). 10,000 years ago, the Abkani people were an advanced race of people who mysteriously disappeared overnight after letting an evil force of mysterious creatures loose. The film's main focus is on Edward Carnby, played by washed up and long-forgotten actor Christian Slater. Edward Carnby had a rough childhood, he grew up in an orphanage and was experimented on by a mysterious organization. Fast forward years later into adulthood, and Edward Carnby is a paranormal investigator who searches for remnants of the lost civilization. The story is also focuses on an archaeologist named Aline Cedrac; played by Tara Reid (The worst actress I've ever seen) who just so happens to be Carnby's ex-girlfriend. When a mysterious artifact is salvaged from the bottom of the ocean and opened the creatures once again roam the Earth. Now all the children (Who are now adults) who were experimented on at Carnby's orphanage are going missing because they are infected and are becoming the creatures. Now Carnby and Cedrac, with the help of Carnby's rival government agent Richard Burke; played by Stephen Dorff must stop these creatures by means of shooting them in a bunch of lame action scenes and investigate the remnants and artifacts. A series of horribly scripted plot twists occur from then on.
MUSIC: This was one of the only redeeming qualities of such a horrendous horror flick. It actually has a nice score to it.
ACTING: Oh my God. This film contains some of the worst acting in the history of cinema. Christian Slater's performance is utterly atrocious to watch and plagued by horrifically bad dialogue. Tara Reid's acting is even more appalling. The only thing worse than her acting is her cottage cheese thighs and a$$. Stephen Dorff's acting is slightly better, but that's not exactly saying anything. Most ironic of all, is the fact that two actors from House of the Dead appear in this film despite the overwhelmingly negative reception of the film. That right there seems to suggest that these actors sold their souls to Uwe Boll, there for never earning another role in anything again. If you play in a Uwe Boll film, you're lucky to get a role in a crappy sitcom that won't even last two months on the air. These actors had their careers officially destroyed by this film, and now they will never get a respectable role in anything ever again. No part of the acting is believable and it seemed as if the actors had to improvise at times. It makes the House of the Dead actors worthy of Oscars compared to this.
ACTION: If you thought the Matrix-style/martial arts action in House of the Dead was bad, this film makes it look like a brilliantly choreographed action flick. The gore is the only good part of the badly scripted action scenes. The film is loaded with bad camera angles and they obscure the action scenes. Not to mention, most of the action scenes don't even make much sense like the car chase at the beginning of the film. Worst of all, the shooting scenes in the film are boring to watch (How the hell do you accomplish this?). This film also runs into the problem of being too dark to see (Think about the awful AVP: Requiem film, but much worse!). The creature designs look like reject alien creatures from the Alien films. The CGI in this film isn't the worst, but it certainly is bad and poorly done. For an action-horror flick it's really boring and utterly atrocious. Oh, this film is also the 23rd zombie film I've watched because it does feature the zombies, and it's earned the nomination as worst zombie film I've ever seen, on top of being one of the worst films I've ever seen.
OVERALL: Don't even think about it. This film is an abomination of man who's only home should be in landfills or your garbage can. This film will die in the bargain bin.
THE GOOD: The music and the gore.
THE BAD: Everything else.
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