Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond (Paperback)

by Anne Sheffield (Author)
Key Phrases: fallout sufferers, depression fallout, depressed mates, United States, Richard O'Connor, Paul Martin (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"I admire and recommend this inspired guide to the hell imposed by a partner's depression and the coping strategies offered." (Donald F. Klein, Professor of Psychiatry, Columbia University )

Product Description
What happens to love when a partner is depressed?

Is your partner's depression undermining your happiness as a couple? After blaming yourself, losing your self-esteem, and getting angry, you may feel like walking away -- even if you're still in love.

With 19 million Americans suffering from depression, you are not alone in your unhappiness. And no one knows what you're going through better than Anne Sheffield, who coined the phrase "depression fallout" in her first book, How You Can Survive When They're Depressed, to describe the emotional toll of depression on spouses, parents, lovers, and children.Sharing essential information, compassion, and street-smart advice, Anne Sheffield tells you:

• What you need to know about your partner's mental health and what to do about it ... for your own well-being.
• What experiences, behaviors, and feelings are "normal" when dealing with depressive illness.
• How to overcome your sense of helplessness and take charge of your life.
• Ways to restore your optimism, peace of mind, and sense of humor.
• Where to find a community of peers to offer ongoing support.

Don't give up. Reach out.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; 1 edition (April 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060009349
• ISBN-13: 978-0060009342
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #53,442 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent support for those whose partner is depressed, March 17, 2006

By	Beth Cholette "doctor_beth" (Upstate NY USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

In this book, author Anne Sheffield offers excellent support to those who are involved wiht someone who is struggling with depression. The best thing about this book is the way in which it both normalizes and validates the responses of the non-depressed partner, assuring the reader that they are not going crazy and that they are not alone in their feelings of frustration and confusion. Sheffield also provides plenty of helpful information and advice, including educational information about depression, strategies for persuading your partner to seek help, ideas on how to set limits with your partner, and guidelines for deciding whether to stay or leave.

I think that most people who are living with a depressed mate will find this book to be extremely helpful, but I did have a few minor criticisms. First of all, although this book was born out of the message boards that are a part of Sheffield's Depression Fallout web site, I felt that she relied a bit too heavily on the anecdotal information posted by online users. Secondly, Sheffield also has a tendency to rely on anecdotal information from her own experiences (she grew up with a depressed mother, and she herself suffers from depression), which results in occasional overgeneralizations. For example, she emphasizes that ALL people who are depressed are angry--not necessarily the case. Similarly, she laughingly dismisses therapists who suggest to the non-depressed partner that the problem might lie in the relationship--isn't it possible for someone to be depressed AND be legitimately unhappy with their relationship at the same time? Sheffield seems to say no. Finally, her overall attitude comes across as quite pessimistic, offering only brief glimpses of hope that perhaps the relationship can be saved.

Despite these issues, I definitely feel that this book is a worthwhile read, and as a psychologist, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to any clients in this situation.

30 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Psychologist recommends, January 8, 2006

By	Debra Moore, Ph.D. (Sacramento, CA United States) - See all my reviews

An important book I will be immediately recommending.

I have always included the topic of the effects of depression on relationships, marriages, and families when I give talks on depression, but you seldom find the topic addressed at length. Finally, someone has given it the attention it needs.

Author Anne Sheffield, who grew up with a depressed mother and has suffered from depression herself (and who acknowledges she has inflicted that suffering onto her relationships), knows her subject and it shows.

Her knowledge has grown via the thousands of visitors to her website message board (www.depressionfallout.com) who write of their struggles and lessons from being the partner of someone depressed. A post on this message board prompted and grew into this book.

Depression Fallout helps you understand what depression looks and feels like from the sufferer's viewpoint as well as from their partner's (and their children's) perspective.

People who are depressed have similarities. They tend to devalue themselves and their relationships. They erode bonds by their self centered, pessimistic, and irritable tendencies. Their depression confuses them - one day they don't know what they feel, the next day they need you, and the following day they've decided they never loved you to begin with.

Depression fallout is what happens to you if you're on the receiving end of this illness. You probably move through stages of confusion, self-blame, demoralization, resentment, and a longing to be free of your partner and their depression.

If this is you, please read the book. You'll find stories to bolster your sagging self esteem and you'll learn ways to handle your communication with your partner. There's an excellent section on psychotherapy and medication (her section on meds includes some very specific and up-to-date info).

Once you've read the book, get into counseling if you're not already.

Finally, go check out the posts on her message board (www.depressionfallout.com) for some friendly support and understanding. You'll even find a few laughs - click on the postings of jokes, there are some good ones!

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An honest book, April 22, 2003

By A Customer

It is an amazing concept, to realize there is a messageboard somewhere in cyberspace populated with people like me, not just people who love a depressed partner, but people who suffer the confusion, the hope, the anger, the torment, and the surreality of it all. Even more amazing is this book: Anne has packed a huge body of folk knowledge and professional knowledge into these pages, both from the messageboard the book was based on and from psychiatrists and the mental health community. And that's what really made this book ring true for me; in reading what other wives and husbands were going through, in their own words, I was suddenly able to believe that I was not alone. I've spent so much time telling my partner that he is not alone, that millions of people suffer from depression. It never occurred to me that I must, therefore, also not be alone; there must also be other people who are struggling to lead good lives in spite of trying to love a depressive.

Anne's book offers a lot of practical suggestions about how you can do both: be fair and loving to your partner and also genuinely enjoy your own life. She doesn't sugarcoat it, and by being honest, she shows you how there is a way through, that by using your basic sense of fair play and a respect for your own well-being, you can once again create a world that makes sense.

Without even telling my partner I've read this book, I have changed some of my interaction with him for the better, and I can see it having a positive effect not only on me, but on him. I am looking forward to future improvements, as I implement and practice more of Anne's advice.