Resurrecting Sex: Resolving Sexual Problems and Rejuvenating Your Relationship (Hardcover)

by David Schnarch (Author), James Maddock (Author) "Once upon a time two frogs fell into a large pail of buttermilk..." (more)
Key Phrases: resurrecting sex, orgasm threshold, borrowed functioning, Passionate Marriage, Alfred Kinsey, Twenty-two Ways (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Whether the difficulties arise out of middle-aged boredom, serious illness or emotional troubles, Schnarch (Passionate Marriage), director of the Marriage & Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colo., offers a comprehensive guide for couples with intimacy problems. The book includes easily digested chapters on the basics of sex, how sexual relationships work, the use of drugs and surgery, psychological and emotional issues and orgasm. In a straightforward and comforting tone, Schnarch emphasizes the emotional aspect of sexual problems (even when there is an underlying physiological cause) and guides couples through the often difficult changes they have to make in their relationship in and out of bed. Using examples from among his own clients, he explores the way anxiety and tension in other aspects of a marriage can carry over into sexual relationships and gives advice about how couples can better approach each other. While much of his counsel isn't unique, Schnarch's positive, candid approach is appealing, and his tone is authoritative without being threatening. In fact, Schnarch says, "In the course of my life I've had every sexual dysfunction a man can have... I know about embarrassment, self-rejection, blaming myself or my partner, and withdrawing when I 'failed.' " There are no quick fixes or promises of overnight transformation, but those who want to make substantive changes in their relationship should first reach for this book.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
This self-help guide to sexual dysfunction offers fascinating and complex insights into how relationships maintain themselves and change while also covering the usual fixes like Viagra and hormones. Schnarch (Passionate Marriage), a psychologist and sexual/marital therapist, focuses here on an oft-overlooked issue: that anxieties cannot be avoided and hence the only choice is between productive anxieties (dealing honestly with one's feelings) and useless ones (seeking a partner's approval too much). His approach teaches the effective use of anxiety in relationships and sexual change, plus "holding onto yourself" being honest about yourself and your values, confronting yourself, and doing what you think is right when a relationship is troubled. He describes how sex does and doesn't work, how relationships work, how mechanico-pharmacological helpers work, and how to combine these helpers to address particular dysfunctions, including the effects of illness. Throughout, Schnarch stresses the normality of sexual and relationship problems, noting briefly his own past experiences as a patient. He does not promise instant ecstasies and accepts that some couples may not even find sex important. This realistic and multifaceted approach belongs in all public libraries. Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 336 pages
• Publisher: HarperCollins; 1st edition (August 6, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 006019359X
• ISBN-13: 978-0060193591
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 1.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #474,504 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

49 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Transcending Sexual Self-Help to Greater Marital Intimacy, February 23, 2003

By	Leon F. Seltzer, PhD "lseltze1" (Del Mar, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This is not simply an excellent self-help book about improving your sexual relationship. It is also an extremely wise book about relational intimacy. *Resurrecting Sex*, David Schnarch's third book, attempts to translate for the layperson many of the essential concepts elucidated originally in his groundbreaking *Constructing the Sexual Crucible*(1991).

As probably the most influential writer in the field of sexual/marital therapy today, the author further bridges the gap between sexual problems--as they have traditionally been viewed in terms of individual dysfunction--and such problems as they can much more fruitfully be perceived as reflecting an individual's (or relationship's) level of development and differentiation.

Unlike virtually all other writers in the field, Schnarch's objective is to assist people not simply in having less problematic (or anxiety-ridden) sex, but in creating the kind of physical connection achievable only through learning how to successfully *confront* one's personal anxieties--namely, through better developing the capacity for self-soothing and self-validation.

Although the book is quite readable, with lots of practical information and suggestions, it is also quite challenging. For readers are inevitably encouraged not only to take more responsibility for what may not be working in their relationship (both in and outside the bedroom), but also to go out on a "relational limb" and be with their spouse in a way that requires considerable emotional courage and self-regulation.

As idealistic as, finally, Schnarch's approach is, it is also exceedingly practical. Totally up-to-date, it covers all the most important sex devices and drugs that can, in particular situations, help with arousal and orgasm difficulties. It also discusses the various techniques that can enable people (both men and women) to overcome their sexual problems (from dyspareunia and vaginismus, to low sexual desire, erectile dysfunction and early ejaculation). But much more important than this, it focuses on how individuals can realize their potential to profoundly change their relationship to their spouse; and by doing so, help the relationship to evolve to a higher, and much more satisfying, level.

This is a book that can transform your sexual relationship from one that is conflicted, indifferent, or just barely positive, to one that is truly innovative, passionate, intimate--and even spiritual. Moreover, if readers earnestly strive to incorporate the author's challenging ideas into their lives, the book has the potential to change them at a profoundly personal level: to alter how they see themselves--not only in the context of their relationship, but from deep within as well.

Ultimately, sexual gratification and fulfillment have to do not just with the sensory stimulation a person receives--or their body's ability to respond optimally to this stimulation. It has to do with achieving an emotional bond with one's partner that itself can contribute to an improved sexual functioning that in the end becomes indistinguishable from the deepest expression of intimacy and love.

10 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read, October 31, 2002

By	Ellen C. Falkenberry "ellenf" (Birmingham, AL USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Frustrated? Tired of the intimacy-destroying techniques we've been taught for decades? This book is a breath of fresh air.

David Schnarch offers a user-friendly approach to sexual dysfunction in this highly readable volume. He is no slouch in the area of relationship building, either. Having just returned from hearing Dr. Schnarch speak at a conference, my only regret is that the book isn't as funny as the man himself.

I think I'm in love.

12 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars very disappointed, June 6, 2003

By A Customer

this book was absolutely awful. i have read several self-help books and this is the first time i've felt so strongly about it that i felt compelled to write a review. this author is totally full of himself. i was very frustrated when reading this book for two reasons. first, it was very vague. he kept telling you what he was going to tell you next, then never really got to the point. second, i felt as though he was talking down to me, which was probably because of his big ego. another thing i found particularly disturbing was his reference to using illegal drugs to improve your sex life.