She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Hardcover)

~ Ian Kerner (Author, Reader) "LADIES FIRST, gentlemen..." (more)
Key Phrases: tongue tip, establishing rhythm, clitoral cluster, America Survey, Natalie Angier, Rebecca Chalker (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man's native tongue," writes clinical sexologist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. in She Comes First, a straightforward, intimate, and exuberant guide to cunnilingus. Kerner first explored "the oral caress" as a way of compensating for his "sexual inadequacies," and quickly learned that women not only welcomed but often preferred "the way of the tongue," reaching orgasm more consistently than through intercourse. Kerner educates readers about the clitoris, "the powerhouse of pleasure," with 18 parts and 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as the penis) and describes female sexual response from "foreplay" through "coreplay" to "moreplay." A large part of the book is a graphic, detailed primer on "mouth music," including best positions, step-by-step techniques (illustrated), and tips for tongue and fingers. How long should this last? Until the woman has an orgasm or many, says Kerner, and "melts blissfully before your eyes." "The vast majority of women complain about guys who don't like to do it, don't know how to do it, or simply don't do it nearly enough," writes Kerner. This book will change that. Women: Buy it for your partner! --Joan Price

From Publishers Weekly

Dispelling the widely held myth of genital penetration as the apogee of sexual pleasure, Kerner, who holds a doctorate in clinical sexology, offers this witty, well-researched manual for "consistently leading women to orgasm" through cunnilingus. Loaded with practical anatomical information (the clitoris has 18 distinct parts, and more nerve fibers than any other part of the human body) and graphic line drawings, the book also touches on the less mechanical, more psychological aspects of oral sex, including the three assurances every woman needs from her lover to feel comfortable: (1) "you enjoy it as much as she does"; (2) "there's no rush"; and (3) "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence." Since studies show the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach her first orgasm during a typical sex session, while men take a mere four minutes, Kerner advises men to delay their own climax and make oral sex "coreplay" ("the substantive phase in which sexual tension builds, culminates and then releases itself through the female orgasm"), instead of foreplay. Breaking down six stages of coreplay, from the "first kiss" to orgasm, Kerner speaks to both beginners and more seasoned lovers. His candor concerning his own bout with sexual dysfunction adds a compassionate tone and credibility to this decidedly pro-female methodology.
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Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (May 25, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060538252
• ISBN-13: 978-0060538255
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (125 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #12,663 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

42 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely one of the best books on the subject, June 26, 2009

By	C. Crawley - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book is one of the most extraordinary guidebooks in how to please a woman that I've ever read. It goes in depth and while very detailed does not get too technical. It's also very easy to understand and is very practical in the explanations. It's also very entertaining and most importantly, it works! This should be required reading for any man who wants to be better in the bedroom. Another really good book I read on this subject is Sex, Your Woman and You: How to Sexually Please Your Woman in the Bedroom and Beyond. It also has some really good information in it. Both of these books are extraordinarily helpful for any man out there who wants to become more skillful in this area.

253 of 296 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars 'The tongue is mightier than the sword', September 27, 2004

By	girldiver "Enjoy!" (tangled up in blue.) - See all my reviews

I have a curious mind and always have, so when I came across yet another book about cunnilingus I could not resist. I was especially intrigued when I saw the author was male. `She Comes First' is without a shadow of doubt the best book on the subject today.

I especially loved how he organized his book after Strunk and White's `Elements of Style' so the book is easy to read, easy to follow, and exceptionally helpful in the elements of sexual style and usage. The chapters are short and sweet so if you are in a time crunch you certainly can devour a short chapter at any session.

I cannot exclaim enough how comprehensive this book is on the sexual response of women. The author spends a great deal of time explaining the importance of building sexual tension to bring about pleasure and actually gives step by step instructions to do so.

From the beginner to the experienced enthusiast, there is something in this book for everybody. I was pleasantly surprised by the routines for beginner, intermediate, and advanced sessions. Also the step-by-step guides are an eye opener.

Impeccably written, this book was a joy to read!

girldiver:)

62 of 71 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book saved my relationship, February 25, 2006

By	J. Cheng "chengjs" (Cincinnati, OH) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I considered myself a broken human being, as, at 25 and several oral and intercourse sex partners, have never been able to have an orgasm as a result of another human being, ever (only myself). I was actually going to start going to a sex therapist pretty soon. Having been with my boyfriend for almost six years now, he had never been able to successfully bring me to climax and we had nearly resolved to accept this, but it was eating away at our sex life and our relationship over time. I got this book on a whim and read it, and then gave it to him to read.

It's taken a little bit of practice since then, but honestly not much. I'm not even kidding when I say that I orgasm every time now. What a HUGE change. I can't think of a better ringing endorsement than that.