Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve (Paperback)

by Aaron T. Beck (Author) "Karen, an interior designer, described how she came home one day flushed with excitement and eager to discuss some good news with her husband, Ted..." (more)
Key Phrases: ventilation sessions, marital compact, distressed marriages, New York, Marital Interaction, American Couples (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
With eloquence and accessibility, Dr. Aaron T. Beck analyzes the actual dialogue of troubled couples to illuminate the most common problems in marriage--the power of negative thinking, disillusionment, rigid rules and expectations, and miscommunication.

About the Author

Aaron T. Beck, M.D., is University Professor Emeritus at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and president of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research. Dr. Beck is the author of thirteen books. He lives with his wife, Judge Phyllis Beck, in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania, and has four children and eight grandchildren.

Product Details

• Paperback: 432 pages
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks (October 18, 1989)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060916044
• ISBN-13: 978-0060916046
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #77,242 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

119 of 123 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Forget the pop-psych blockbusters; this is the real deal, February 10, 1999

By A Customer

Cognitive therapy is based on the premise that emotions come out of unexamined, habituated thought reactions. These thoughts and the emotions they foster can be deconstructed and, hence, defused of their power to poison all human interactions, not just those between wife and husband. A brilliant book--unpretentious, well-written, truly helpful. The astute reader will see all sorts of parallels to contemporary linguistic theory. Do yourself a favor: throw all your New Age psychobabble books in the garbage and read Dr. Beck.

64 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars cheesy title does not befit this masterpiece, November 6, 2002

By A Customer

i'm not even finished the book, and already i can tell you that it addresses pretty much every communication difficulty between _anyone_; its focus is on love relationships, which, as Dr Beck explains, are set to a higher standard of expectation from one's partner, and therefore higher stakes & penalties when one's unspoken rules of the companionship & its roles are broken.

if you wonder why you're always irritated with your partner, or get into quick, snapping arguments, this book steps you through the automatic thoughts that come into each party's mind when they participate in what _seems_ to be a simple dialogue or request, but denigrates into conflict. it also explains why situations escalate into pinnacles of unreasonableness, and how to defuse these patterns.

pretty much every reasoning/communication error that takes place in close relationships is spelled out in black and white-- and backed by clinical approach in psychiatric science, not gimmicky pseudoscience... this takes the stereotyping out of the seeming impossibility of martian men and venusian women getting along-- Dr Beck simply illustrates, painting very clear pictures in 18 tidy chapters, those human characteristics that misfire or go awry when dealing with loved ones.

he gives theories where all this static comes from, offering ideas of where to look in your own thinking, such as: differing frames of reference, upbringing (pattern / modelling of one's parents), unstated expectations, all/nothing thinking, and unknown (to oneself) sensitive issues that cause a person to react to others' actions/words out of fear or anger.

the most heartening bit is his assertion that just one person in the couple working to solve problems in this way can give relief. this is due to the fact that by changing your strategy in arguments & discussions, you improve the kinds of responses elicted by your partner as well.

2 additional reasons why i feel that Dr Beck's book is valuable: firstly, he is a respected authority on cognitive behaviour therapy (its founder, no less!), and secondly, that he provided couples counselling based on the theories outlined in this book. in other words, he's an scientific expert. i don't want to claim "buy this book!!! throw away all the rest!!!", as those lurid advertisements are frequently used on undeserving books that aren't very helpful, nor useful in piercing the complexities in understanding human emotion. (having said that, this book is excellent, and you really ought to check it out).

this book brings people together under one banner. it does not play inherent gender differences off on one another. you will be able to raise your understanding of others by a significant amount, and look inwardly to find out the nature and name of those buttons that your partner may press.

"Take your life into your own hands, and what happens. A terrible thing: no one to blame." --Erica Jong

81 of 86 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An outstanding resource., July 26, 1996

By A Customer

Dr. Beck's book isn't just another pop-psych guide to saving your marriage. It is an extraordinarily helpful resource by one of the founders of cognitive psychology. Each of the chapters illuminates how marital partners create conflicts; how they can understand their problems; and how they can mobilize their resources for making effective change. A sensible, sensitive book for those striving to create a more fulfilling marriage.