The Art of Condolence: What to Write, What to Say, What to Do at a Time of Loss (Paperback)

~ (Author), Hilary Stanton Zunin (Author) "You read it in the newspaper or the telephone rings: the loved one of a friend has died..." (more)
Key Phrases: condoling friends, condolence upon the death, express your sympathy, United States, Ram Dass, World War (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Time and again we stumble for words and actions that will reflect our feelings of compassion and our desire to be of comfort. Based on the authors' extensive research, their workshops, and their professional experience, and filled with personal stories and anecdotes, this heartfelt, practical, and easily accessible resource covers the three most common areas of concern: "What can I write?" "What can I say?" and "What can I do?"
The authors address such issues as:

Special circumstances -- sudden death, suicide, the death of a parent or child

How to compose a letter of condolence -- including a variety of sample letters

How to be of service -- from ideas for thoughtful gifts, to assisting with business affairs and funeral arrangements, to suggested ways of helping in the aftermath

When more help is needed -- the benefits of grief therapy and support groups, with a listing of recommended reading and other resources

About the Author

Leonard M. Zunin, M.D., is senior psychiatric consultant for the California Department of Mental Health. An authority on attachment and loss and a distinguished researcher and lecturer, he is the bestselling author of Contact: The First Four Minutes. He lives in Napa, California with his wife, Hilary Stanton Zunin.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks (July 15, 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060921668
• ISBN-13: 978-0060921668
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #285,289 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Art of Condolence, May 16, 2000

By A Customer

We have all been in some variation of the miserable situation of learning of the loss of someone special, and staring at hopelessly at a blank page, groping for words of comfort. Often, we are tempted to give up, and write or say nothing, for fear of saying the wrong thing. The Art of Condolence is the answer to this situation.

The Art of Condolence has guided me through writing comforting letters to bereaved patients and families for more than 5 years. This book is a wonderful step-by-step guide on how to write helpful, and meaningful letters to bereaved people, while making them heartfelt, individual, and personal.

The strengths of this book include guidelines for almost any imaginable situation of loss, to people in any variety of relationships, from people in many different positions. Dr. Zunin also succinctly and simply discusses phases of grief, with rationale and suggestions for helpful letters, notes, telegrams, cards, or personal conversation. From the sudden violent death of a child, to a protracted illness and death of a spouse, or the heartbreak of a stillborn infant, this book offers specific and yet comprehensive guidelines.

I highly recommend The Art of Condolence for anyone who hopes to offer comfort and compassion to another, in any situation. I am extremely grateful for this book, and the healing words which can be penned by anyone who uses it.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Help at a difficult time, September 30, 2000

By A Customer

When my father first recommended this book as I was struggling to write a letter to the family of a friend killed by a drunk driver, I was skeptical. "How can a book tell me what to write?" I thought. "I don't want this to be some kind of form letter. This is personal." But the letter that The Art of Condolence helped me to write was anything but distant. The book guided me with sensitivity through one of the most difficult tasks I've ever faced, and the result was a deeply personal letter offering my condolences and memories of my friend. To my amazement, several different members of the family independently thanked me for the letter and told me how powerful it was for them. Finally, this book made what could have been a wrenchingly empty and frustrating task into a cathartic process that helped me grieve as I remembered my friend.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars "What Do I Say, What Do I Do?", May 1, 2001

By	[e-mail] (Seal Beach, CA) - See all my reviews

As one who spends my professional life with grieving people and the professionals who care for them, one of the most common questions I hear is, "Do you have any suggestions about what to say/what to do. . .?" In a thoughtful, practical book, the Zunins have made that question much easier to answer!

I especially like the section on what to write in condolence notes and cards. After my Dad died in 1993, the cards that came that "told the stories" and helped us remember were the real "keepers." The stories and remembrances bring fond recollections to the family and friends and help through the healing process of bereavement.

If you've ever wondered, "What do I say, do, or write?" this book is for you. You'll find yourself going back to it again and again.