Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child (Paperback)

by Laura Davis (Author) "In the last fifteen years, the sexual abuse of children has become an acknowledged social and political problem..." (more)
Key Phrases: break from sex, cult survivors, cult abuse, Ellen Bass, Noah's Story, Eric's Story (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Partners can now feel supported and guided in their quest for healing--for themselves and for those they love and cherish." -- --Dan Sexton, Childhelp, U.S.A

Product Description
"But what about me?"
"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"
"Will we ever make love again?"
"Will the survivor love me in the end?"
"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"
Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners -- girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers -- trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, Allies in Healing covers:

The Basics -- answers common questions about sexual abuse.

Allies in Healing -- introduces key concepts of working and growing together.

My Needs and Feelings -- teaches partners to recognize, value, and express their own needs.

Dealing with Crisis -- includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression, and hopelessness.

Intimacy and Communication -- offers practical advice on dealing with distancing, control, trust, and fighting.

Sex -- provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs, and frustration.

Family lssues -- suggests a range of ideas for interacting with the survivor's family.

Partners' Stories -- explores the struggles, triumphs, and courage of eight partners.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; 1 edition (September 11, 1991)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060968834
• ISBN-13: 978-0060968830
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #20,197 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #14 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Sexual Abuse
  #17 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Abuse
  #21 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships > Dysfunctional Relationships

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful Resource for BOTH survivors and their allies!, July 6, 2001

By	Brie "brie685" (Virginia) - See all my reviews

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.

The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.

As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.

I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.

For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent - a real life-saver, October 28, 2005

By	moon tree (UK) - See all my reviews

This book has been a real life-saver in helping me cope as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. I'm baffled by some of the reviews which suggest this book tells you to give the survivor whatever s/he asks for. I suspect those reviewers have read the title and very little else, because the book strongly emphasises the fact that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as decide whether you want to stay in the relationship at all. Highly recommended.

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful, November 8, 1999

By A Customer

My partner and I read this book together. He found it extremly helpful and we learned more about each other and sexual abuse. It helped him understand that other people struggled like he has. We found our relationship imporved a great deal after reading this book.