Lost & Found: The Adoption Experience (Paperback)

by Betty Jean Lifton (Author) "I am sitting in a small New York cafe in the late afternoon with Judith, an actress and writer..." (more)
Key Phrases: brave new babies, closed adoption system, adoptee group, Adoption Game, Good Adoptee, Bad Adoptee (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Important and powerful...[the author] is concerned not just with adoptees but with the experience of adoptive parents and birth parents." -- --Psychology Today

Product Description
Rich in insight and compassion, Lost and Found is an eloquent exploration of the psychological issues faced by adoptees and by all children who have been separated from a parent and denied the right to know their true origins. Betty Jean Lifton, herself an adoptee, draws upon her own experience and her extensive work with adoptees, birth mothers and fathers, and adoptive parents to explore the harmful effects of secrecy on the identity of a child and the liberating possibilities of openness. A new Preface links the psychology of the adopted to that of babies born of surrogacy and other reproductive technologies. And a new Afterword explores the most recent developments in the adoption field, such as post-adoption counseling, open adoption, and the controversy around the adoption syndrome. The author concludes with a code of rights and responsibilities for everyone in the adoption circle, along with an updated list of support groups and counseling clinics for the adoption triad in the United States and Canada.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Harper Perennial (March 22, 1988)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060971320
• ISBN-13: 978-0060971328
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #388,774 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for adoptees who are searching/reunited, June 23, 1999

By	Cheryl ([e-mail]) "crichmon" (Tucson AZ) - See all my reviews

Most Triadians (adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents) know that BJ Lifton is one of the definitive voices on adoption issues, and this book is one of my personal favorites of hers. If you buy no other search/reunion book, this is the one to have IMO.

I began my search for my birthmother in 1986, locating her finally in 1997. "Lost and Found" in particular helped me to deal with a lot of the issues that come up while searching, AND once you are reunited. There are even chapters on birthfathers and on siblings, something most books fail to mention or deal with.

It is important for those who decide to search to carefully consider their reasons for searching, and also to think about what their expectations are. If you are not prepared for the possibility of "anything can happen", you may be highly dissapointed or even devasted by the results.

I am glad that I chose to search, it has made my life complete in a way that wouldn't have been possible before I had the answers to my questions about where I came from, and who "my people" were. Though my reunion has had some major ups and downs, I don't regret my decision and I thank BJ Lifton for her insights that helped me get through the entire process.

~Reunited adoptee and adoptee rights activist Still ISO birthfather

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A straight forward book on adoption., July 5, 1998

By A Customer

As an adoptee, there are many questions and emotions that one is often too scared to ask or express. Lifton goes beyond the "taboo" of adoption in this book not only with her own experiences, but also the experiences of others. In "Lost and Found", all aspects of adoption are discussed, from all views (adoptee, adoptive parent, birthparent). Reading this helped me understand my own feelings, and to better understand the feelings of my parents, and my birth mother.

22 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you read only one...this is it., October 11, 2000

By	C. Wing "A 'real' rabbit" (MA, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

In my life, reunion wasn't reality until my life was my own-so I went about it with some organizational ability. Information and what to do with it was what I wanted and this gave me great help in that direction. Those triad members who believe their status hasn't affected their lives, just haven't figured it out yet. My adoption 50 years ago has colored every relationship since that first one that ended (physically) 3 weeks after my birth. In order to put together the pieces of 'why' I am....important parts needed to be found, so I set about looking. BJ Lifton helped with a compassion I hadn't found before her book. There are many emotions connected with searching-and finding-no matter how pleasant or how ugly-and one Can't anticipate many of them without some help. Help is within the pages of this one. The one piece of information-above all else-she taught me, was that my search was mine. I owned it and could choose to do it, or not, at my level of comfort. After reunion, boundaries need to be built, in order to protect that comfort. The book helped me start that so when the time came, I could hold back until I knew just how far I could go-how far I could allow the others to come. All in all, it was like having a big sister, walk through it with me. She's a good friend-even if she's not aware I'm out here! Thank you BJ!