Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (Paperback)

~ (Author) "WHEN COUPLES COME to me for relationship therapy, I usually ask them how they met..." (more)
Key Phrases: unconscious partnership, positive flooding, mirroring exercise, Getting the Love You Want, The Conscious Partnership, The Unconscious Partnership (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

When Harville Hendrix writes about relationships, he discusses them not just as an educator and a therapist, but as a man who has himself been through a failed marriage. Hendrix felt the sting of his divorce intensely because he believed it signaled not only his failure as a husband but also his failure as a couples counselor. Investigating why his marriage dissolved led him to start looking into the psychology of love. Marriage, he ultimately discovered, is the "practice of becoming passionate friends."

As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines what he's learned in a number of disciplines, including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, to name just a few. He expounds upon this approach in Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. His purpose in writing the book, he says, is "to share with you what I have learned about the psychology of love relationships, and to help you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship."

Divided into three sections, the book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood needs in a positive manner; and a 10-week "course in relationship therapy, " which gives detailed exercises for you and your partner to follow in order to learn how to "replace confrontation and criticism ... with a healing process of mutual growth and support." The text is occasionally dry and technical; however, the information provided is valuable, the case studies are interesting, and the exercises are revealing and helpful. By utilizing his program, Hendrix hopes you too will be able to solve your marital difficulties without the expense of a therapist. --Jenny Brown

Review

"Hendrix provides much insight into how spouses can mature through one another." -- -- Booklist

"I know of no better guide for couples who genuinely desire a maturing relationship." -- -- M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Harper Perennial; 1ST edition (February 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060972920
• ISBN-13: 978-0060972929
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (146 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #89,671 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

65 of 69 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Worth a Good Look, November 12, 2008

By	Melody - See all my reviews

This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (Paperback)

I looked at this book from a different perspective than most readers. I didn't read it as a person in need of relationship advice. Rather, I read it as a person who has been happily married for 22 years. My question was, how closely did the advice in this book match what I was doing successfully?

A bestseller since 1988, the book is separated into 3 sections:

-the first part talks about how unmet childhood needs can affect your future relationships.

-the second part talks about a marriage that can fulfil your unmet childhood needs in constructive ways.

-lastly, part three is the exercises. Here you'll be taken through a series of exercises that you can do at home that have been actually used in the author's practice. They're easy to do and involve writing.

Well, that's a rough synopsis that should give you a little bit of a feel as to how the book is set up- and what its about.

So how closely did the advice in this book match what I have been doing all this time to create a successful 22-year marriage? Perfectly- both the book and I promote the idea that you have to work at your marriage to make it work!

And perhaps that's the best piece of advice of all: find constructive ways to make you marriage better- and that's one thing this book most certainly succeeds at. Other self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".

91 of 110 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing!!!, February 27, 2001

By A Customer

Let me start by saying I am not a self-help book devotee. That said, this book has revolutionized my relationship with my husband and taken it to a new level. BUT... I recommend this book for only those seriously committed to REALLY wanting an honest, soul-fully deep relationship. This is not a quick fix book full of easy answers. If you are looking for a book to tell you how to fix your partner or get them to be what you want them to be, don't buy this book.

To make the concepts in Getting The Love You Want work, it takes a tremendous amount of gut wrenchingly honest introsepction, humility, willingness to do things completely differently, and total selflessness. It's hard work.

But if you do what this book suggests, your life will be forever changed ... in all your relationships. This book has changed my life and enriched it beyond belief. I read the book - my husband didn't. Although he was not a proactive participant in the process, his life has been equally impacted and we are getting all we ever hoped for from each other.

59 of 72 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Must Reading for All Couples!, January 18, 2000

By	BL (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews

My therapist recommended this book to me and I must say I learned more about myself and my spouse in a couple of weeks then I have learned in 11 years of marriage. The book is very easy reading and really makes one think about how we think, how we respond to people and provides steps to make changes in relationships. The book also explains how our childhood plays an important part in who we are and how we deal in relationships. I'm not yet finished with the book, but I've already told my wife to please read the book. I believe that if we follow what is written in the book, our marriage can be saved and that we can be happy once again.