Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset (Paperback)

~ (Author), Sidra Stone (Author) "There was once a dreadfully wicked hobgoblin..." (more)
Key Phrases: primary selves, disowned selves, outer judge, Inner Child, Aware Ego, Inner Patriarch (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Hal and Sidra Stone are the creators of "Voice Dialogue" process, a therapy that transforms the inner critic from crippling adversary to productive ally.

The inner critic. It whispers, whines, and needles us into place. It checks our thoughts, controls our behavior, and inhibits action. It thinks it is protecting us from being disliked, hurt, or abandoned. Instead, the critical inner voice causes shame, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, and low-self-esteem. It acts as a powerful saboteur of our intimate relationships and is a major contributor to drug and alcohol abuse.

Through examples and exercises, the Stones show us how to recognize the critic, how to avoid or minimize "critic attacks," and, most important, how the inner critic can become asn intelligent, perceptive, and supportive partner in life.

About the Author

Hal Stone, Ph.D., and Sidra Stone, Ph.D., both clinical psychologists, are the authors of Embracing Ourselves and Embracing Each Other. Hal founded the Center for the Healing Arts in Los Angeles, one of the first holistic health facilities in the country. Sidra directed Hamburger Home in Los Angeles, a residential treatment center for adolescent girls.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne; 1st edition (March 5, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0062507575
• ISBN-13: 978-0062507570
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #53,001 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

56 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The most EFFECTIVE self-help book I've read in years, January 16, 2002

By	Bill Carner "Bill Carner" (Corydon, IN United States) - See all my reviews

I had just finshed Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism and was finally having some success dealing with my depression and anxiety when my wife gave me a copy of Embracing Your Inner Critic. She'd picked the book up a year or two earlier and lost track of it in the "to read" piles. This book really grabbed me. I've never really been comfortable with the various "inner child" labels I come across in therapy, but the term "inner critic" really resonated with me. I was all teed up and ready for this book by the optimism I was discovering within myself and starting to develop thanks to Seligman's book.

I think I wore out a couple of highlighters going through Embracing Your Inner Critic. My first thoughts were "How do these people know ME so well?" but I came to realize that I am not alone. That there are lots of us blaming ourselves in order to "protect" ourselves from outside criticism. I'm learning that beating my imagined critics to the punch by criticising myself sooner and harder than anyone else would is not really helping myself but rather pushing me deeper into the muck of depression.

I realized my inner critic was a pretty good ventroliquist. I had been blaming everyone else for saying all the negative stuff I was actually saying about myself. The book helped me to start moving away from adversarial relationships with my critics, both real and imagined. Now I'm learning to listen to my inner critic as kind of distant early warning system, a helpful "heads up" rather than a broadside of self-loathing. For the first time I'm seeing a world full of potential allies rather than adversaries. The Voice Dialogue technique is a lot like cognitve therapy and like cognitive therapy it requires regular practice for full benefit. But the rewards of the techniques I'm learning from these two books have provided me with strong motivation to stick with it.

36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book that will open your eyes, November 16, 2000

By A Customer

If you are suffering from low self esteem, if your days are filled with destructive and incessant attacks from your Inner Critic, read this. It's an easy read that unfolds logically and intuitively - half way through you'll begin to anticipate where the authors are going because what they are saying makes so much sense. This book will open your eyes to the various "voices" we harbor and will help you understand the productive role the Critic was meant to play. It will show you how to get your Critic back on your side, helping you, instead of attacking you and making you feel like your life is a failure.

24 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good Book!, March 15, 2004

By	Zev Saftlas "Founder and Host of EmpoweringMe... (Brooklyn, NY United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is a good book loaded with many great ideas on how to overcome your inner critic. Read it and apply it today!

Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works

PS here is a great story that is in the begining of this book:

What Is Your Inner Critic and Where Did It Come From?

On the journey of self-discovery, let us stop looking for what is wrong with us. Let us discover, instead, who we are and how we work! Let us put our judgment aside as we explore the amazing system Of selves within us and learn to live with ever-increasing honesty, choice, and freedom.

There was once a dreadfully wicked hobgoblin. One day he had a simply marvelous idea. He was going to make a looking glass that would reflect everything that was good and beautiful in such a way that it would look dreadful or at least not very important. When you looked in it, you would not be able to see any of the good or the beautiful in yourself or in the world. Instead, this looking glass would reflect everything that was bad or ugly and make it look very important. The most beautiful landscapes would look like heaps of garbage, and the best people would look repulsive or would seem stupid. People's faces would be so changed that they could not be recognized, and if there was anything that a person was ashamed of or wanted to hide, you could be sure that this would be just the thing that the looking glass emphasized.

The hobgoblin set about making this looking glass, and when he was finished, he was delighted with what he had done. Anyone who looked into it could only see the bad and the ugly, and all that was good and beautiful in the world was distorted beyond recognition.

One day the hobgoblin's assistants decided to carry the looking glass up to the heavens so that even the angels would look into it and see themselves as ugly and stupid. They hoped that perhaps even God himself would look into it! But, as they reached the heavens, a great invisible force stopped them and they dropped the dreadful looking glass. And as it fell, it broke into millions of pieces.

And now came the greatest misfortune of all. Each of the pieces was hardly as large as a grain of sand, and they flew about all over the world. If anyone got a bit of glass in his eye there it stayed, and then he would see everything as ugly or distressing. Everything good would look stupid. For every tiny splinter of the glass possessed the same power that the whole glass had!

Some people got a splinter in their hearts, and that was dreadful, too, for then their hearts turned into lumps of ice and could no longer feel love.

The hobgoblin watched all this and he laughed until his sides ached. And still the tiny bits of glass flew about, And now we will hear all about it....

Adapted from "The Snow Queen,"by Hans Christian Andersen
The Inner Critic is like the bit of mirror that makes us see a distorted picture. It is that inner voice that criticizes us and speaks about us in a disparaging way. It makes everything look ugly. Most of us are not even aware that it is a voice or a self speaking inside of us because its constant judgments have been with us since early childhood and its running critical commentary feels like a natural part of ourselves. It develops early in our lives, absorbing the judgments of the people around us and the expectations of the society in which we live. When we talk about this critical voice, please keep in mind that this Inner Critic is the voice within us that criticizes us, whereas the Judge is the self within us that criticizes other people.