Forgive for Good (Paperback)

by Frederic Luskin (Author) "Thank you for joining me on this journey to well-being through forgive..." (more)
Key Phrases: grievance story, forgiveness training, unenforceable rules, Northern Ireland, Heart Focus, Breath of Thanks (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, insists Fred Luskin in Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, nor does it mean condoning bad behavior. What it does mean is that you "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." Luskin, a practicing psychologist and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why forgiveness is important for mental and physical health, explains how to form a grievance and suggests practical steps for healing. He uses examples from his clinical practice including instances of broader cultural grievances like those between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland in this solidly researched and convincing guide.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist
To forgive may be divine, according to Alexander Pope, but it is hardly easy. How do you forgive a hit-and-run driver, a boss who makes life unbearable, or a cheating spouse? Luskin says not only can you forgive such people but that for your own good mental and physical health, you must. The author is careful to make the distinction between forgiveness and condoning actions, forgetting them, or reconciling with the offender, all or some of which may not be possible. He says that over time we build up "grievances" against others on which we obsess and that make it impossible to get on with our lives. It is only through forgiveness that we can let go of the grievance, stop playing the role of victim, and move on. Through case studies, he indicates how we build up grievances and how they can block our happiness. He then describes the HEAL method of forgiveness, which stands for Hope, Educate, Affirm, and Long-term. Good practical advice for a very difficult task. Marlene Chamberlain
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne (January 21, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 006251721X
• ISBN-13: 978-0062517210
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #43,681 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

129 of 132 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Simple but not simplistic., June 27, 2003

By	Lara Everest - See all my reviews

I bought three books on forgiveness and returned the other two.

The people I needed to forgive ranged from my father for demanding to know why I "didn't get an A+" on a math exam for which I had ONLY received an A, as well as for not protecting me from the prying eyes of my younger brother as I was maturing into a woman, to the murderer of my roommate as well as his defense attorney the latter worked real hard at (and basically succeeded in) rattling my cage by showing me gruesome crime scene and autopsy photos of my beaten and strangled friend while I testified at the trial.

I can and will explain my reasons for keeping this book and returning the others in two ways.

THE TOUCHY-FEELY REASON
While reading this book (Forgive For Good) I felt understood, hopeful, calm, and, most important, forgiving, whereas when reading the other two books I quickly became bored and frustrated and had to work hard just to get through them.

THE RATIONAL REASONS
a.
Forgive For Good, contrary to what some other customer reviewers have said, accepted right on page one that I had something to forgive and it immediately granted me "personal power" on a silver platter so I could proceed with the forgiving. Conversely, the other books were similar to most psychological self-help books I've read that focus the vast majority of their pages to figuring out whether or not I had really been a victim and just who was to blame for my problems and emphasised the probability that I would need outside help for years to do so.

The first "step" in all three books is having someone validate our pain. In Forgive For Good, however, the author himself or the reader can do this and it is not a given that years of costly psychoanalysis is necessary just to get to this point. But, the other books were written seemingly with the expectation that people are so confused and ignorant of their own feelings that everyone needs professional help for years just to get to the point of being able to address the need to forgive. In fact, one of the books ENDS with warnings about how long the whole process will take and bluntly states that even after following every step in the extremely intensive process delineated in the book it can take years to feel better AFTER HAVING FORGIVEN. As I've already mentioned above, just reading Dr. Luskin's book gave me peace of mind and the ability to forgive.

b.
Yes, Dr. Luskin does point out that my pain is directly related to my pre-existing expectations about what other people "should" say/do to me. And he does so in a very direct way. And, yes, sometimes this can be very hard to accept, or maybe even understand.

And, believe it or not, any other truthful book about forgiveness, as well as your psychoanalyst, actually says the same thing - eventually.

They won't tell you that you are to blame for your pain or that you should merely not feel it, but to get to the point where you can forgive and not be hurt anymore (or again) you must recognize your own power to change your own feelings, expectations, and behavior. Nobody else can change any of these things. You are a free human being. So is the person who did whatever hurt you.
Dr. Luskin merely starts where everyone else is going.

c.
The case studies in Dr. Luskin's book are followed all through the book and are NOT composites. They are real people who really participated in his studies and you can read how EVERY STEP of the process impacted each person, sometimes dramatically differently than other people.

Case studies in the other books, as in most other similar books, were composites. I say call them what they really are, fictional characters with histories made up by the authors. Composities are people who have never existed, never really had the histories the authors postulate, and don't prove a darn thing about the author's theories. They are, in sum, worthless.

d.
Dr. Luskin writes very, very well. He reiterates and reminds. He uses the same phraseology for concepts all through the books instead of trying to come up with as many synonyms as possible to sound literate.

In sum, this is THE BOOK you want to buy if you truly want to learn to forgive the painful experiences of your life. BAR NONE.

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive For Your Own Good!, February 5, 2002

By	Sonora (NYC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (Hardcover)

This is the one book that changed my life. Good literature for the soul. Especially good for people who are coping with depression, excessive stress, or panic attacks. Easy read, simple logic, no ambiguity; this writing is clear and the instructions on forgiving are concrete. Unlike most self help books this one is not abstract and these are tools you can start using now and they stay with you.

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive for Good, January 29, 2004

By A Customer

Loved it!! One of the best book I have read on forgiveness. I like how he defines rules as being enforceable verses unenforceable. Has made me look at all the unenforceable rules I have place on my life and the anger that has built up in me because of these rules.It is going to be permanent book on my bookself. Lots of life lesson I can teach my family.