The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (Paperback)

by Susan Newman (Author) "The very definition of friend makes saying no to one extremely difficult..." (more)
Key Phrases: The Scenario, New Year's Eve, Elm Street (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Do you feel guilty when your child demands that you launder his soccer uniform immediately? Does an out-of-town friend suddenly want you to clear your calendar for an unexpected visit? In this handy manual, social psychologist Newman (Parenting an Only Child) writes with humor but a no-nonsense tone, offering 250 short, dramatic scenes that demonstrate workable techniques for helping you just say no. Newman contends that for many people, saying yes to whatever is asked of them is an unhealthy pattern driven by a need for approval, love or admiration, rather than a desire to help. To those who make a habit of accommodating others against their better judgment, the author suggests making a weekly list of yeses, noting if your time is well managed, learning to prioritize and set limits and giving up the need to be in control. Newman outlines familiar examples of demands made by friends, family and co-workers, and even forceful strangers such as telemarketers (just refuse and hang up). Although Newman doesn't write specifically for women, most of her illustrations present wives, mothers and workers as typical of today's overwhelmed yes women.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Description
A leading psychologist teaches you how to wield the power of "no" and banish the disease to please forever.

The Book of No teaches you how to say "no" to just about anybody--and everybody--friends, family, bosses, and co-workers--without starting your guiltmeter running. Insights and tips help you understand why you have trouble saying "no" and move beyond what ranges from mildly annoying to a crippling inability. It inoculates you against the "Yes"-disease and offers the courage to refuse and the knowledge and know-how to remain steadfast in that decision in the face of another person's power, influence, bullying, or disappointment--whether real or perceived.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (November 15, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071460780
• ISBN-13: 978-0071460781
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #88,940 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great resource for treading the NO waters, August 3, 2006

By	Meryl K. Evans "Content Maven behind meryl.net" (Plano, TX) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

We all know someone who, like Oklahoma's Ado Annie, just "cain't say no." These folks accept every project. Every volunteer job. While everyone around them loves and appreciates them (or not), they're often tired and do little for themselves. Some people who fall into this group may not even realize they're on automated mode when agreeing to help.

The Book of No contains 250 scenarios and how to handle them so that you say no. Before the entering the bulk of the book that contains the scenarios, Newman covers five basics to get you started with this No business as well as a 16-point No Credo to remind you that you have the right to say no. Saying no is a learned skill, and the scenarios can help the yes-person develop the courage to say no.

Each scenario poses a question or statement followed by three parts:

* What's going on here? - Explains the situation and possible motives.
* Response - How to respond so the answer ends in a No.</li>
* Alert - A warning to help you the next time you get into the situation or contains insight so you better understand what's going on.

A person who has the courage to say no may feel terrible and guilty afterward. The scenarios don't simply advise saying no, but instead provide honest and guilt-free responses. For example, someone at work asks if you're available for lunch on certain days. The response, "Thanks for including me, but I can't squeeze another thing into my crammed schedule this week."

The scenarios are grouped into four areas for quick referencing: friends, family, work, and difficult people, which include situations with sales people and those who provide services.

The book concludes with a bulleted list of key lessons to provide reinforcement to keep you focused on the road to accomplishing more of what you want and less of what others want. The brief introduction and conclusion with the well-sorted scenarios in between make the book a great tool for people who need support in their journey to say no.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Setting Boundaries, June 20, 2006

By	Felicia D. Stoler "Urban Suburban" (Morganville, New Jersey USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I just love Dr. Newman's book. I'm a very over-committed person who hates to NOT please everyone. This book really empowered me to just say "NO" and learn to set boundaries for the people in my life.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Saying Yes Too Often Can Get You In Trouble, January 25, 2006

By	Elaine (Bridgewater NJ) - See all my reviews

I just read all the other reviews and I think I have to say "NO" to the reviewer who said this book is gender biased. My husband read this book before me and thought it was very well organized with a creative format and helpful to him (and he does not have a serious problem with saying NO). I do have the problem of knowing how & when to say NO and mean it. This book covers interactions with family members, friends, co workers and bosses and applies to men as well as women.

As a result of reading this book, I have started to become much more focused on how I need to spend my time and energy, so saying I am sorry, I am overwhelmed with commitments right now has gotten much easier.

Thanks to Dr. Newman, I am much less stressed about saying NO, which gives me the time to work on things that are improtant to me and my family.