Mixed Blessings: Overcoming the Stumbling BLocks in an Interfaith Marriage (Paperback)

~ (Author), Rachel Cowan (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The authors explore the endemic vicissitudes of interfaith marriage. PW said that "despite their avowed bias as committed Jews, the Cowans are fairminded and compassionate, and interfaith couples, their families and the clergy will appreciate this authoritative, practical work."
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Description

While a couple is dating and falling in love, religion usually does not seem a great barrier, but with marriage and children, problems surface. The authors explore the difficulties of such a relationship.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics) (November 1, 1988)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0140111891
• ISBN-13: 978-0140111897
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.3 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 2.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #121,258 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars One-sided and only marginally helpful, January 17, 2000

By A Customer

Paul and Rachel Cowan would have made this book a little less confusing if they had stated their biases more clearly at the beginning of the book. I was looking for a supportive book about negotiating the ins and outs of interfaith relationships. Instead, I found this book's tone to be somewhat disapproving. The Cowan's message seems to be: "If you're going to get into an interfaith relationship, it will be an struggle each and every day. In order to make the relationship work and do the right thing, the Christian partner should subvert his/her identity as much as possible."

The Cowans do a terrific job of describing the larger forces at work: Jewish history, sociological pressures, family dynamics. And the book did help me deepen my understanding of the competing pressures that my Jewish partner faces. Truly, it was worth reading for that alone. But ultimately, it left me feeling as though my perspective and needs as the (marginally) Christian partner are less valid.

Love exists within the framework of history, between members of groups who have at times been the oppressed or the oppressor. But it also exists between two individuals, whose intentions can be honest, pure, and full of deep concern about the survival of the Jewish people. To reduce that love to a sociological trend (or mere curiosity about the "exotic other," which they do repeatedly) and to put one partner's concerns so far above the other's, did me a painful disservice.

25 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Very Biased and Frustrating to Read!, August 22, 2000

By A Customer

This book was full of biases and faulty assumptions. I am sorry that I wasted my time and money on it. As other reviewers have remarked, the Cowans (the Christian wife of whom converted to her husband's faith) clearly have an agenda- to convince non-Jews that they must convert to their partner's faith and to convince Jews that if their gentile partner won't give in and stop being so goyish, the marriage is doomed. Bull hockey, I say! And I know whereof I speak, being the gentile partner in a long-term interfaith relationship, with a partner whose parents are Jewish and Christian too, successfully married for 30 years!

One assumption the Cowans make is that there are two types of people- Jews and Christians. Based on this assumption, they go on for pages about the history of Christians persecuting Jews and completely ignore the fact that there is more than one combination possible for an intermarriage. I am a gentile, but not a Christian, and in my acquaintance there is a Jewish/Buddhist couple, a Jewish/Wiccan couple and many other such pairs. This oversight made the book even less useful than it was to begin with.

There were several passages in the book that were so mean and insensitive that they almost made me cry! For instance, the way in one of their seminars they allow the Jewish participants to berate a Christian woman endlessly for wanting a Christmas tree (and she came from a broken home where Christmas was the only happy time!). There is much on how she must be sensitive to her husband's feelings about Christian persecution/being a minority, but what about her? She has feelings too, as do all us other gentiles in intermarriages! Eventually she was pressured into not only giving up the tree but also converting.

I mean no disrespect to those who choose to convert- I considered the same at one point. But I do object to books such as this one which is blatantly insensitive and mean to Christian partners. I would be just as mad if it was this cruel to Jewish partners, because marriages should be based on kindness, fairness, and honesty, not coercion, guilt, and cruelty!

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Very Biased, March 18, 2000

By A Customer

Don't buy this book unless you are a Christian planning on converting. The authors really don't give a balanced view since the wife converted to Judiasm. A better title for the book would be "The sooner you convert the better." I would recommend books from Dovetail publishers if you want to be truly helped in this serious and emotionaly involved topic.