The Third Side: Why We Fight and How We Can Stop (Paperback)

by William L. Ury (Author) "A friend of mine, Herman Engel, was out for a walk with his wife in Lower Manhattan..." (more)
Key Phrases: inner third side, collaborative democracy, expandable pie, United States, South Africa, Soviet Union (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
A masterpiece! Extremely pertinent in today's contentious world. -- Stephen R. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Product Description
According to William Ury, it takes two sides to fight, but a third to stop. Distilling the lessons of two decades of experience in family struggles, labor strikes, and wars, he presents a bold new strategy for stopping fights. He also describes ten practical roles--as managers, teachers, parents, and citizens--that each of us can play every day to prevent destructive conflict.

Fighting isn't an inevitable part of human nature, Ury explains, drawing on his training as an anthropologist and his work among primitive tribes and modern corporations. We have a powerful alternative--The Third Side--which can transform our daily battles into creative conflict and cooperation at home, at work, and in the world.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics); Rev Upd edition (September 5, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0140296344
• ISBN-13: 978-0140296341
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #105,042 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Ury meets Gandhi!, September 20, 2000

By	Camilo A Azcarate - See all my reviews

In the early 80's Ury's book "Getting to Yes" summarized in an easy to understand format the academic concepts of integrative negotiation developed by social scientists in the previous decades. His 1988 book "Getting Disputes Resolved" did the same for dispute resolution in organizations. His latest book (Getting to Peace, aka The Third Side ) takes a step forward by including the field of peace studies and non-violence. For Ury, and for all of us, this has been a journey into the real roots of conflict: unsatisfied basic human needs. Ury says "Whatever the surface issues in dispute, the underlying cause of conflict usually lies in the deprivation of basic human needs like love and respect". YES! Integrative negotiation works because its strategies address basic human needs such as respect and inclusion. In this book Ury makes a compelling historical case for humans as "negotiator-apes" challenging the widely popular perception of humans as killer apes. Ury concludes that war is not intrinsic to humanity but a characteristic of a period of our history (the last ten thousand years, or 1%) in which fixed-pie resources and security concerns created a vicious circle of ever escalating wars and violence. And he goes further by hypothesizing that that period is ending with the arrival of the knowledge-age in the last 300 years. The good news is: humankind can address all the conflicts created by injustice and inequality without going to destructive wars if we realize that our destiny is linked and that the satisfaction of our needs DEPENDS in the long term on the satisfaction of the other's need! Gandhi would agree. We have done it before, we can do it again!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Third Side is the Best Side, November 16, 2004

By	mediate.calm (Ontario, Canada) - See all my reviews

An acclaimed negotiator and author of previous best sellers, "Getting to Yes" and "Getting Past No", William Ury first titled this book, "Getting to Peace". He later reverted to the original working title in order to de-emphasize the focus on global conflict, as he is a recognized world expert in peacekeeping negotiations. Instead he deals with conflict at all levels, from the family to the workplace and from the community to the world.

This is a 251-page paperback, written by an anthropologist who is concerned for his own human tribe, as he explores the reasons we are in conflict and sets forward a roadmap to resolution. In the first of three parts to the book, Ury describes the Third Side as the inside and outside factors to a dispute between two sides and explores the potential in recognizing its existence. Essentially, the Third Side is the neutral third party to such conflict.

In the fascinating second part, he examines the concept of fighting as an element of human nature from an archeological standpoint and points out that there was little organized violence in the first 99% of human history. As we moved from a society of hunters and gatherers to an agricultural and then an industrial society, the expandable pie became fixed and the potential for conflict increased. The recent technological change to a society based on knowledge has the potential for re-expanding the pie and allows for coexistence rather than coercion.

In the third segment, the author offers some solutions to prevent, resolve and contain conflict before it escalates to violent outcomes. He suggests that potential "third-siders" can transform conflict by assuming roles based on ten reasons for the escalation of disputes. He ends by challenging the reader to consider a number of steps towards mobilizing the third side.

As with the other books he has co-authored, William Ury has presented some interesting ideas in a thoroughly readable format. In particular, his use of stories to illustrate these concepts is marvelous. They range from the basic fights between the Bushmen of Africa to the politically charged wars between nations in the Middle East. This is a provocative book and one that is extremely pertinent in today's contentious society.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Simply the best book on mediation there is, October 18, 2004

By	D. M. Straker "Dave" (UK) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is *the* definitive book on conflict management by the uber-guru of negotiation and mediation. Ury has mediated in the Middle East, the Balkans, N. Ireland and many other places.

Fighting is natural and human, and is the ultimate approach. But it is destructive and win-lose at best. Revenge and feuding turns it into lose-lose. Ury points out how the win-lose of the agrarian society is giving way to both-win or both-lose of the knowledge society as hierarchical control is being fractured by knowledge networks.

The 'third side' is the person on the sidelines in a conflict who wants to help. Third-siders can be neighbors, neutrals, bystanders, family, friends. Event the warring parties themselves can take the third side. This book describe ten roles that this person can take.

Their goal is always to prevent conflict before it happens. Even the presence of a third person will calm conflict, but doing nothing does not optimize the help they can give.

Three strategies (and roles within each) are offered to manage increasing levels of conflict:

* Prevent (Provider, Teacher, Bridge-builder)
* Resolve (Mediator, Arbiter, Equalizer, Healer)
* Contain (Witness, Referee, Peacekeeper)

They are:
1. Provider: When there is conflict is often over scarce resources the Provider finds ways for both sides to get what they need, even deep needs such as love, safety and esteem. They can also provide knowledge to enable intelligent decisions.
2. Teacher: People often fight because they know of no other way to resolve their differences. The Teacher shows them how to handle conflict without resorting to violence and arms.
3. Bridge-builder: People in conflict often become separated by deep divides which lead to ignorant stereotyping, etc. The Bridge-builder builds ways across the dividing chasm, for example by building trust, showing how the others are human too.
4. Mediator: Where there are conflicting interests, the Mediator tries to bring them to the table. If this fails, they use shuttle diplomacy, going back and forth. Sometimes a higher authority may be able to coerce them to the table.
5. Arbiter: When there are disputed rights or when mediation fails, the Arbiter acts a judge and selects a final solution, to which both parties must agree to be bound.
6. Equalizer: Where there is unequal power, the powerful may not seek help but the powerless deserve it. Their position of greater power may cause the powerful to rethink and bring them to the table.
7. Healer: Injured relationships can fester if left alone. The Healer seeks to calm emotion and soothe hurt, for example by listening and acknowledging within a climate of healing.
8. Witness: When nobody pays attention, atrocities may be committed. The Witness needs only see and tell the truth. Just by their presence, they may also dissuade the wrong-doer.
9. Referee: When people resort to conflict without rules, people get really hurt. When you cannot stop them fighting, the Referee at least sets and polices the rules.
10. Peacekeeper: Where people are completely vulnerable, they are open to easy attack. The Peacekeeper provides safety for the victims, interpose themselves between the warring parties and enforcing the peace.

These ten roles can be played in combination, even with the same person playing more than one role.

Overall, this is a wonderful and empowering must-have book, not just for mediators but anyone who encounters or stands at any time between warring people.