The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children (Paperback)

~ (Author) "For fifteen years I practiced child psychology, and for fifteen year I love doing it..." (more)
Key Phrases: yetzer hara, homework load, skinned knee, Rabbi Daniel, Los Angeles, Red Sea (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Frustrated with a therapeutic practice that "shifted too frequently to be an anchor" for parents struggling with issues like overindulgence and overscheduling, clinical psychologist Mogel turned to her religious heritage for ways to help her clients and her own family "find grace and security" in an increasingly complex world. "In the time-tested lessons of Judaism, I discovered insights and practical tools that spoke directly to these issues," writes Mogel, who left her psychology practice in order "to help parents look at their children's anxieties and desires using a different lens." Digging into the rich traditions of the Torah, the Talmud and other Jewish teachings, Mogel builds a parenting blueprint that draws on core spiritual values relevant to families of all faiths. With warmth and humor, she offers strategies for encouraging respect and gratitude in children, and cautions against overprotection ("we treat our children's lives like we're cruise ship directors who must get them to their destinationDadulthoodDsmoothly, without their feeling even the slightest bump or wave") and the pressure of "Lake Wobegon parenting" (a reference to Garrison Keillor's fictional town where "all the children are above average"). Her thoughtful observations consistently illuminate and reassure. Impassioned, lyrical and eminently practical, this inspiring volume is a real treasure. Agent, Betsy Amster. (Jan.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"Dr. Mogel's personal and caring touch comes through clearly as she presents practical and useful suggestions for parents." -- Jacqueline I. Haines, Director of the Gesell Institute for Human Development

"Impassioned, lyrical, and eminently practical, this inspiring volume is a real treasure." -- Publishers Weekly, November 20, 2000

...She hits all the difficult issues: materialism, permissiveness and the protection of sacred time and space. -- Reverend Robert Thompson, Minister of the Phillips Exeter Academy

A treasure trove of information. Dr. Mogel uses a personal, caring touch to present practical, useful ideas.... -- Jacqueline Haines, Director of the Gesell Institute for Human Development

Peter Cobb executive director of the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education Prophets call on the wisdom of a tradition, its revealed truth, to say out loud what we know but are afraid to utter. Wendy Mogel has issued a prophetic call to good parenting, one laced with psychological insight, practicality, and humor. Her words are themselves a gift of faith and a blessing. -- Review

Wendy Mogel presents us with one of the finest and most challenging books on parenting to emerge in recent years... -- Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin, author of Putting God on the Guest List --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics) (October 30, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0142196002
• ISBN-13: 978-0142196007
• Product Dimensions: 7.7 x 5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (80 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #64,631 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

85 of 86 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One Excellent Conceptual Framework for Responsible Parenting, October 20, 2005

By	A. Reid (NC, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I just finished this last night, and I plan to go back through it again. It's one of the better books on raising children that I've ever read. Mogel is a child psychologist with a definite slant--for her, a lot of the answers to parenting problems lie in encouraging spiritual growth, in ourselves and in our children. You don't have to be Jewish to find great material in this book--I'm not--but you definitely need to accept the premise that human beings are happier in a spiritually enriched environment.

I have already started implementing some of Mogel's suggestions for fostering responsibility in children and encouraging them to be grateful for what they have (as opposed to constantly needing more to be satisfied). Moreover, I mean to stay mindful of her emphasis on a parent's need to accept a child's basic nature. If you can name the personality trait in your child that drives you insane, Mogel says, you have already named his greatest strength. Helping to raise him to his greatest potential involves teaching him how to utilize his nature, not how to subvert it. Unlike some modern psychological parenting texts, _The Blessing of a Skinned Knee_ doesn't pretend that children are blank slates to be filled with whatever we please. Instead, Mogel offers practical suggestions for working with the material we're given.

One of the elements of the book that I would most share with my friends involves discipline. Mogel breaks down transgressions by intent and offers concrete ways to deal with them compassionately and calmly. She several times references Biblical exhortations to discipline--not in a pro-spanking stance, but in reminding parents that this is a responsibility that comes with the territory. I wish that some of the more stern parents of my acquaintance would read her arguments against shaming children. Mogel does not believe that discipline requires humiliation. Those who swing the other way--me included--could benefit from her section on restitution. My 8-year-old suffers an overly developed sense of guilt, and I am hoping that following her suggestions for restitution will allow him to feel a healthy sense of closure and relief.

While every reader of books of this type needs to exercise discretion in determining what will work in his or her household, there's a lot of solid advice here. It doesn't address every situation or every concern, and I don't believe it intends to. What it does is provide a framework for a new way of thinking about parenting which might be useful when you encounter those situations not covered.

84 of 91 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Recipe for Raising Menches, July 9, 2001

By	amybobamy "amybobamy" (Studio City, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children (Hardcover)

It is an unfortunate cultural truth that we American Jews often treat our kids like fine, hot-house flowers - delicate creatures with frail egos, in constant need of support and nurturing, lest they wilt under the strain of everyday living. This author's wise reflections on parenting demonstrate that trying to iron out any difficulties our children may face in life - now and in the future - actually hinders their development, producing offspring that have far less initiative, resilience, and character than they should!

And it's true! Lately I avoid going to my daughter's soccer matches, because it's too silly to watch the field flood with doctors, lawyers, and therapists every time a kid makes contact with the ball!

The author of this very useful book offers wonderfully concrete advice about finding a way to lovingly reassert our moral authority and spiritual mentorship over our children. As a mother of four, living in the same city and cultural/religious milieu as the author, I am impressed with her thoroughness in covering this topic, her compassion for both parents and children, and her knowledge of ancient and contemporary Jewish parenting literature. But most of all, I am impressed by the frank, realistic, and practical steps she offers parents (Jewish or not) for helping their children find strength - true moral, spiritual and psychological strength - in who they are as individuals.

By the way, though only one percent of the Israeli population lives on a kibbutz (community farm), the kibbutzes regularly produce about 80 percent of the country's military and political leadership. Seems those tough farm kids know a thing or two about resilience!

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Parenting Wisdom, January 19, 2001

By	Roy Young (Los Angeles, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children (Hardcover)

I have read countless parenting books and consulted professional child and marriage psychologists for guidance in raising my two wonderful daughters. In comparison, Dr. Mogel's The Blessing of a Skinned Knee is WISDOM, not guidance.

Her book helped me to recognize that my responsibility is to be concerned most with building strength of character, not strength of grades and achievement. That I need to help my nine-year old and seven-year old with WHO they are, not WHAT they are. Our achievement-driven age sends the opposite message, and, consequently, it is so easy to lose sleep over the wrong things.

In an inspirational story of personal and professional transformation, Dr. Mogel tells us of how her own search for effective parenting strategies led her to discover that a religious tradition -- in her case Judaism -- gives her a structure for making healthy parenting choices. As parent raising two daughters and as professional psychologist offering advice to parents and teachers, she gives us a framework upon which to base our decisions and behavior to help our children grow into healthy, independent adults.

With this new understanding, I re-read some of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee before going to bed each night, and my sleep is getting better.