Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships (Hardcover)

by Diane Vaughan (Author) "WE ALL are secret-keepers in our intimate relationships..." (more)
Key Phrases: displaying discontent, transitional person, coupled identity, Aunt Emma (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal
Vaughan's examination of the breakup of relationships from a sociological and psychological perspective identifies the key steps in uncoupling from both partners' points of view. This schema is supported by 103 in-depth interviews and solid documentation from the professional literature. Useful to professionals, this work is also invaluable to lay people both because it normalizes a universal experience often seen as idiosyn cratic and because it will help those in the early stages of uncoupling to identify what is happening, enabling them to take the steps necessary to avoid the ultimate breakdown. Given the current divorce rate of approximately 40 percent, Uncoupling will have a wide readership and is recommended for general collections. John M. Haynes, Mediation Associates, N.Y.
Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Description
One of the best ways to keep a relationship together is to understand how it comes apart. In this groundbreaking book, Diane Vaughan shows that all relationships coming apart follow basic patterns--patterns so strikingly similar that they're almost ritualistic. Based on a decade of research and more than 100 personal interviews, the book examines the ten major turning points in every troubled relationship. It is an invaluable tool for clergy and counselors. "A brilliant yet thoughtful and caring analysis."--Albert J. Reiss, Jr., Yale University

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 259 pages
• Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA; Later Printing edition (October 16, 1986)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0195039106
• ISBN-13: 978-0195039108
• Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,144,175 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Sociology, not self-help, November 7, 2000

By	Sabreur (Germany) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships (Paperback)

This book is a sociological study--it discusses processes and patterns that typically occur as relationships fall apart.

As such, it does not provide solutions, fingers to put in the dike, compresses to stop the bleeding--in fact, it makes clear that most such measures are, finally, ineffectual.

At the same time, every relationship is singular--statistics portray the behavior of groups, without necessarily predicting individual outcomes.

If you are looking for a book that forces you to consider the individual and personal perspective in a damaged relationship, I strongly recommend "Should you leave?" by Peter Kramer.

Nonetheless, it is both enlightening and depressing to recognize "Damn, we've done that" as you read this book.

One final note: Ms. Vaughan's writing style is academic and often less than felicitous. The comparison between the liveliness and complexity of life shown in the quotations and her own dry, sometimes reductive commentary frequently annoyed me.

98 of 112 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The devestating truth you may not be ready to hear or face, January 18, 2000

By	[e-mail] (Phoenix, Arizona) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships (Paperback)

Regrettably, chances are that you will look for and find this book far too late in the process of uncoupling to save your own relationship. For the "initiator" has all the power to end or save a relationship and put the "partner" through hell in the process.

If you're the initiator, stop what you are doing, read this book and carefully consider the spiraling path to relationship destruction you are on.

Either way, I believe that you will learn more from reading this book than a dozen others. Much more than from marriage counselors or even Psychologists.

But the truth may be hard to take. It was for me as I was looking for help in saving my relationship from my wife's affair. Alas, she had long since started a transition out of our relationship and redefining me in negative terms.

This book will help you understand why the person you love can turn on you like a rabid dog, rip your beating heart from your chest, throw it in a blender and hit frappe!

Eventually you will want answers whatever the emotional cost and this book is filled with them.

However, if you are one of the fortuitous or lucky ones fortunate enough to find this before it is too late, then read, learn and act now before your life is sucked through a crushing black hole of change very few are ready for.

29 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The last few chapters of the book of relationships., April 13, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships (Paperback)

I'm very picky and critical of self-help books, but Vaughan's Uncoupling is the next best thing to a counsellor. More than a psych book, it is the definite beginning-middle-end about how couples become uncoupled.

I picked up this book by instinct, as I needed to read something--anything--about how relationships end. I don't care about the why's anymore; I just wanted to understand what was happenning in my own relationship.

This book will not tell you how to save your relationship, or whether it's worth saving or not. Vaughan argues that there is a pattern to how relationships end. And in the telling, she gives the story that makes sense of everything--and that is all we need when we go row into the choppy waters of a faltering relationship.