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Diaper-Free Before 3: The Healthier Way to Toilet Train and Help Your Child Out of Diapers Sooner
 
 
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Diaper-Free Before 3: The Healthier Way to Toilet Train and Help Your Child Out of Diapers Sooner (Paperback)

by Jill M. Lekovic (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (33 customer reviews)

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Editorial Reviews

Review
“Using medical studies and other parenting literature, pediatrician and mother Lekovic challenges conventional potty-training wisdom and presents a plan to get you baby out of diapers as early as age two.” —From the University of Chicago Magazine, April 2006

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1

What's wrong with the idea of readiness?

The parents of a healthy one-year-old boy, Jake, bring him in for his regular checkup. His growth is normal and his parents report that he started taking a few steps on his own over the last few weeks. He says "mommy" and "daddy," shakes his head no and yes, and looks around for his shoes or favorite toys when they are mentioned. He was weaned from the breast two months ago and now only takes a bottle before bed and nap. He loves a variety of foods and does well drinking from a cup.

Jake wears disposable diapers, and his parents have noticed that his diaper is often dry after a nap and that his bowel movements are usually after breakfast and dinner. He is curious about the toilet and wants to go in with his parents. He loves to have his diaper off and even tries to take it off himself at times. Jake's paternal grandmother got him a little potty chair for his first birthday, and his parents have a lot of concerns about when to introduce it. Their friends have told them that it is "way too early to even think about it." They want to know how to tell if he is ready to be toilet trained, and how to avoid making any mistakes along the way.

Is Jake ready to be toilet trained? Most doctors and parenting books recommend that children must show signs of readiness before beginning toilet training. Different experts list various skills, but most suggest that children require some communication skills, a desire to use the potty, and the ability to walk to the potty before being trained. Before you decide when it is best to start training your child, you should know that these guidelines (and the very idea of readiness) are based on the well-publicized opinions of a few individuals (not medical research), and are by no means infallible.

When you look at the history of potty training, how it was done in the past and under different circumstances, and how we came to consider the readiness guidelines to be the standard, you will begin to question what you have been told and to seriously reconsider what is best for your child. Despite the fact that a review published in the May 1999 issue of Pediatric Annals stated that "there is little question that children can be toilet trained by 1 year of age," most parents (and doctors) are not even aware that there is a well-established alternative to toilet training based on readiness skills.

Over the last century, changes in American lifestyles have been complex and far-reaching. Many of the changes in the perception of children and the practice of child-rearing are closely linked with these more general trends in our society. The most influential development with regard to toilet training was the introduction of Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's child-centered approach to training, a concept that has led to the current American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines for toilet training. In this chapter I will explain the current guidelines and how they evolved. I will also explain how this approach is based on a false set of assumptions and theories (many of which have subsequently been established in the medical community to be mistaken). The readiness approach may actually pose multiple health risks to your child, inadvertently impeding her natural course of development.

The American Academy of Pediatrics

Guidelines for Toilet Training

The idea behind child-centered training is that children show various signs (related to their overall development) when they are ready to be trained. The AAP lists several signs of readiness, including:

*The ability to walk to the potty

*The ability to understand and follow one- and two-step commands

*Adequate language skills to express needs and wishes

*The child's desire for independent control of bowel and bladder function

The guidelines suggest that once you see these signs of readiness in your child you should gradually introduce your child to the potty. Most people see these signs begin to emerge during the second year of life, and the usual time to start training based on these guidelines is around two years of age. However, observing development is very subjective, and many children do not have much useful vocabulary in the second year of life. Many people see verbal communication skills (or a lack thereof) as an obstacle to potty training their child based on these guidelines, and they put off training because they do not know how to train a child who can't (or won't) tell them when he needs to go. Furthermore, the child's desire for control must be recognized by the caregiver and can mean anything (depending on the parent's interpretation) from pulling off the diaper to wandering into the bathroom to actually asking to use the potty. That means a child could seem ready at twelve months, or not until he is three years old, just based on how much he talks (a skill that has nothing to do with actually using the toilet), or on how curious he seems to be about the toilet. A lot of this has to do with the parent's expectations, and if she does not think a child can be trained at fifteen months of age, she will not think her child's curiosity about the potty has anything to do with toileting readiness.

Although these guidelines are well intentioned, they are based on some faulty assumptions and have led to some huge delays in toilet training and unforeseen consequences. The average age for completion of training has advanced from before eighteen months (in the 1970s) to thirty-six months and beyond. The AAP guidelines are completely open to interpretation and have not provided adequate guidance to help parents understand their children's development. There has been a shift in what we recognize in our children's behavior and abilities, leading to even further delays in training. There are no instructions about the use of disposable diapers or suggestions about when it might be appropriate to stop using them. There are also no comments about accidents, how many to expect or consider normal, or how to handle them. Finally, the idea that it is potentially harmful to your child to introduce the potty before he is ready is neither based on any medical facts nor supported by the many studies that have been done on this topic.

Dr. T. Berry Brazelton

The guidelines used by the AAP developed (to a large degree) from the work of Dr. T. Berry Brazelton. Dr. Brazelton's approach centers on the signs of readiness from the child, such as communication skills to express needs and motor skills to be independent with the task. He advised mothers to gradually introduce their infants to the potty after eighteen months of age, which at the time of his study was a huge delay for most people. He urged parents to avoid using pressure, in order to facilitate the infant's independent control of toileting. He argued that bowel control at age two or three was strictly a developmental task (or something that a child will "grow into"), as opposed to a skill that needed to be taught or practiced.

These recommendations evolved from Brazelton's famous 1962 article called "A Child-Oriented Approach to Toilet Training." In the introduction to this article he states: "Since the advent of streamlined diaper care has liberated mothers in our culture from the real need to 'train' their children early, this step may be viewed more honestly as a major developmental task for the child." I realize that I am looking at this from a different point of view, but who says women needed to be "liberated" from caring for their children? Furthermore, how could the invention of disposable diapers made of paper and plastic materials that were created in the last few decades (after human beings have been dealing with this issue for thousands of years) allow us to finally see the task more "honestly"? It simply does not make sense. It was the same (patriarchal) medical establishment that convinced an entire generation of women that giving their babies formula saved them from the onerous, time-consuming, and unseemly task of breast-feeding. Since then, it has become evident that there are many health benefits to breast-feeding (not to mention some mothers who think it is a wonderful, important experience to share with their babies).

Brazelton relied heavily on psychoanalytic theory to make the case that delaying toilet training was not only more convenient but also desirable from a developmental standpoint. He argued that children trained at a younger age were more prone to regression under pressure (or having accidents), and that this could be avoided by confronting this task at a more advanced stage of development. Writes Brazelton:

Parents and pediatricians are aware that the child's autonomous achievement in any developmental area frees him to progress to more advanced areas. Faulty mastery may leave him with a deficit that results in regression under stress. [Pathological symptoms such as constipation and enuresis] . . . usually reflect a fundamental psychological disturbance in the child's adjustment.

In short he felt that there was a connection between problems with potty training and the child's psychological well-being. This was not a new idea (I discuss a little history in Chapter 2), but Brazelton popularized it in a way that changed how everyone viewed toilet training. He took toilet training from being a natural part of a child's growth development and made it one with special psychological significance.

Myth #1: Toilet Training Has

Special Importance in Children's

Psychological Development

Many experts have questioned the connection between toilet training and psychological disturbance i...

Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press (April 25, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307237095
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307237095
  • Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 4.8 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #26,543 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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    #7 in  Books > Parenting & Families > Parenting > Babies & Toddlers > Toilet Training

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Customer Reviews

33 Reviews
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4.5 out of 5 stars (33 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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16 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Great info, but a little late for us., June 9, 2006
By Allison Collins (Los Alamos, NM USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Let me say first, if I'd come across this book when my daughter was a newborn, I'd probably rate it five stars. I'm rating from the perspective of a parent starting later.

As a parent who has a toddler-aged child, I found this book to be very long (extremely long!) on research and "why-to," but lacking in "how-to." I didn't particularly need the "why-to" sections -- that's why I bought the book in the first place! The "how-to" portions of this book are geared almost exclusively toward those starting training at a very (six to nine months) young age, and the rest of us have to figure out on our own how to apply Dr. Lekovic's methods with an older child (my daughter is 20 months old).

I wish I'd found this book when my daughter was younger. Since I didn't, I would love to see Dr. Lekovic write a book (or supplement/article even) about how to work with an child who's already past 18 months.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Not just a method: a comprehensive resource, May 18, 2006
By Proud Papa (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews
As a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics, Dr. Lekovic offers a much-needed critique from within the medical community of the academic sacred cows (such as the so-called `readiness approach') that continue to be perpetuated in spite of a great deal of contemporary evidence to the contrary.

As a physician who is also a parent, though, what I appreciate most about Diaper Free Before Three is that it is one of those rare books that is intelligently written and well researched enough to be used by medical providers and yet approachable, impassioned, and even funny at the same time.

Moreover, the book is a comprehensive reference on all things related to toilet training, including all of the problems commonly associated with it such as bedwetting, constipation, etc., so that even if you are done with potty training your kids, her book still has tons of useful information.

I personally think the route that she advocates is an ideal middle ground between infant training and the advice most pediatricians are giving their patients to wait for readiness.

There really is nothing else out there like this book!
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This method works!, March 5, 2006
I have used Dr. Lekovic's method to toliet train both of my children. My 4 year old son was trained at 26 months at my 2 year old son was trained at 20 months. They are happy, healthy and confident children! This is a great book!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Love it!
Great book. Can tailer to your needs. Author's insights and direction are child-directed but matter-of-fact. Read more
Published 3 days ago by Courtney Crane

5.0 out of 5 stars Changed our minds & changed our lives. Goodbye diapers forever!
When my husband found and purchased this book I was skeptical. Weren't we supposed to wait until our twins were "ready".. whenever that would be? Maybe not... Read more
Published 1 month ago by I. Polt-Jones

5.0 out of 5 stars For those of us who struggle with the idea of 4 years of diapers!
When my baby was born, I really struggled with how many toddlers are not being potty trained until they are 4+ years old. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Marie L.

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Information!
I've found this book really helpful in training my 17 month old son. I started putting him on the potty around 10 months old when others thought I was crazy. Read more
Published 2 months ago by J. Young

5.0 out of 5 stars Makes perfect sense
I love this book! In retrospect, I probably could've started introducing the potty to my eleven month-old a couple of months ago when she first began to be very uncooperative... Read more
Published 4 months ago by A. Telles

1.0 out of 5 stars obnoxious elitist advice from a spoiled rich mother with a nanny
I was excited to get this book until I realized it was tyrannical in the other direction. You have the extremists on both sides and she is the early training extremist. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Getiton

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read
The author's explanations make so much sense, and so far, I think are working! I've been sitting my 6 month old baby on the potty (I started when she was able to sit on her own),... Read more
Published 7 months ago by A. Kozdron

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Reccommended
Whether you are potty training "early" or late, this is an excellent book with lots of great information and tips for successful potty training. Read more
Published 7 months ago by E. Phippen

4.0 out of 5 stars Diapers Matter
We live in a world of convenience and it has all kinds of implications in how we raise our children from how we feed them to how we toilet train. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Green Girl

3.0 out of 5 stars An introduction to "Traditional" Potty Training
I have read several books about early toilet learning, and I have to say that this was definitely not my favorite. Read more
Published 9 months ago by L'lee

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