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Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon (Paperback)

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4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)

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Product Description

DEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA

Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.
  
After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die–probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.

For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:

•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!

Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.


About the Author

Text painfully transcribed by DOUGLAS SARINE and KENT NICHOLS, the award-winning
creators of the online series Ask A Ninja.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press (September 9, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 030740580X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307405807
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.1 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #10,506 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

    Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

    #84 in  Books > Entertainment > Humor > Satire, General
    #89 in  Books > Entertainment > Humor > Satire

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Customer Reviews

21 Reviews
5 star:
 (15)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:    (0)
2 star:
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Average Customer Review
4.3 out of 5 stars (21 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

 
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Pure Ninja Awesomness, September 9, 2008
When my Ninja Handbook arrived I was full of sweet anticipation and let me say...it NEVER disappoints! It's hilarious and page-turnery and full of charts and illustrations and pictures and seriously funny instructions and guidelines and exercises and beasts and weapons...and I mean PACKED FULL! It's got somewhere around 300 pages and I didn't want to stop reading it. And it's FUNNY...pop-culture skewering, very well written and non-repetitive. Two last words before I die: BUY IT!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Is Approved by the International Order of the Ninja for a Reason!, September 9, 2008
This book is THE book if you want one that will teach you all about being a ninja. You too can learn why the ninja is looking forward to killing you soon and maybe even why he's going to do it.

[...]Buy this book. You'll be glad you did both. They're both very funny, smart and entertaining. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and hey if you're lucky you might even live to tell about it.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This book turned me into a lethal death machine, September 20, 2008
I can't thank the International Order of Ninjas enough for allowing this book to be published. I killed two grandmothers and a wiener dog, and that was before I finished the third chapter! I will never go to jail, because I can smoke-bomb my way out of any situation. An indefensible reference for all that want to become phantasmal assassins lurking in the shadows of society.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars Funny, but a bit long in the tooth
If you are a fan of the show, you will love this book. If you think Ninja's are cool and have any kind of sense of humor at all, you will like this book. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Mark S. Prestash

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read
This book is a must read for fans of the series and for non fans alike. While packed with the various forms of off the wall, sometimes silly humor of the ninja, this book also... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Justin Brooks

5.0 out of 5 stars Groovy Sweet Sauce
This book is totally awesome. It definitely contains great information on how to become a better ninja. :) I'd recommend it to anyone with a good sense of humor.
Published 5 months ago by Devan L. Gerlach

5.0 out of 5 stars have you seen my mom?
so i'm pretty sure this book is friggin radical. only, i'm not totally 100% sure cuz i started reading it and then my mom saw it and said she wanted to read it. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Leah

5.0 out of 5 stars Funnier than the web site!
A friend introduced me to the Ask A Ninja website a while back, but it didn't really grab me. It was fun and all... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Amber

2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointed; Expected Much More
If you have ever seen any of the "Ask a Ninja" videos, you know how hilarious those skits are! This book does not live up to them. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Eric A. Mejia

4.0 out of 5 stars The not-so-easy-road taken to be a ninja
Ninjas are everywhere, heck there's easily 37 ninjas in the room you are currently in, watching you read this review and you are totally oblivious to them. Why? Read more
Published 9 months ago by R. Howell

4.0 out of 5 stars Good
This was a gift. Seemed to be in good condition and it arrived quickly. Seems very funny and I will need to buy my own copy.
Published 10 months ago by K J

1.0 out of 5 stars NOT FOR KIDS!!!
We bought this for our kids because, well, they think they're Ninjas. Apparently you need to be a ninja that's been around the block a couple of times, because the humor was for... Read more
Published 10 months ago by mountain mama

5.0 out of 5 stars I looked forward to this book killing me
Received this for my birthday, and laughed so hard my lungs popped. Huge fan of the online series, and I recommend it to everyone who has a Ninja named Robert waiting to kill... Read more
Published 10 months ago by David Overstreet

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Kent Nichols, co-author of The Ninja Handbook 1 December 2008
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