Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon (Paperback)

~ (Author), (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

DEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA

Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.
  
After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die–probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.

For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:

•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!

Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.

About the Author

Text painfully transcribed by DOUGLAS SARINE and KENT NICHOLS, the award-winning
creators of the online series Ask A Ninja.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (September 9, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 030740580X
• ISBN-13: 978-0307405807
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.1 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #10,506 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Pure Ninja Awesomness, September 9, 2008

By	Hailmarypassproductions "mpf" (Hollywood) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

When my Ninja Handbook arrived I was full of sweet anticipation and let me say...it NEVER disappoints! It's hilarious and page-turnery and full of charts and illustrations and pictures and seriously funny instructions and guidelines and exercises and beasts and weapons...and I mean PACKED FULL! It's got somewhere around 300 pages and I didn't want to stop reading it. And it's FUNNY...pop-culture skewering, very well written and non-repetitive. Two last words before I die: BUY IT!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Is Approved by the International Order of the Ninja for a Reason!, September 9, 2008

By	Epignosis - See all my reviews

This book is THE book if you want one that will teach you all about being a ninja. You too can learn why the ninja is looking forward to killing you soon and maybe even why he's going to do it.

[...]Buy this book. You'll be glad you did both. They're both very funny, smart and entertaining. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and hey if you're lucky you might even live to tell about it.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book turned me into a lethal death machine, September 20, 2008

By	Scott C. Sigler "Author of INFECTED" (San Francisco) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I can't thank the International Order of Ninjas enough for allowing this book to be published. I killed two grandmothers and a wiener dog, and that was before I finished the third chapter! I will never go to jail, because I can smoke-bomb my way out of any situation. An indefensible reference for all that want to become phantasmal assassins lurking in the shadows of society.