The Mom Factor (Paperback)

~ John Townsend (Author), (Author), John Sims Townsend (Author) "Beth hung up the phone, frustrated, confused, and discouraged..." (more)
Key Phrases: Trophy Mom, Controlling Mom, Still-the-Boss Mom (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Cloud and Townsend identify six types of moms and show how they profoundly affect our lives.

From the Publisher

Readers learn to make more positive, satisfying life choices as they understand and develop healthier ways to relate to their mothers today.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Zondervan (October 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0310225590
• ISBN-13: 978-0310225591
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #14,695 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #11 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Authors, A-Z > ( T ) > Townsend, John
  #12 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships > Parent & Adult Child
  #12 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Authors, A-Z > ( C ) > Cloud, Henry

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

93 of 96 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent starting point in achieveing self-awareness., August 31, 1999

By	Alison Abdel-shafy (San Francisco, California) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Written with much compassion. It is not a mom-bashing book. If a reader is looking for someone to blame for his/her life, this is not the book to read. Writers are insightful in how our moms' interactions with us have influenced us and shaped how we view ourselves and relate with others. The writers explain that our moms continue to influence us, well into our adulthood, whether or not we continue to have contact with them. The writers are careful to explain that our fears and hopes have their origins in our relationships with our moms. Most importantly, the writers give guidelines, based on practical and Biblical concepts, to healthier living despite extended dysfunctional relationships with our moms. The writers are realistic about the difficulties their readers may face with such challenge. They exhibit empathy in their certainty that self-awareness and healthy living could be ultimately achieved.

62 of 64 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Practical & Biblically Based Help for Adult Children, October 16, 2004

By	Sister Renee Pittelli "Author of The Family F... (Gloryland, USA) - See all my reviews

Drs. Cloud and Townsend are Christian psychologists who are very well known in the Christian community. They are popular speakers and co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program. They are best-selling authors of a number of books, including the very popular "Boundaries" series.
The authors explain how the mother you had (and have!) influences the adult you are today. They help you to transform the effects of the past and re-build your adulthood, which may or may not include your mother. Feelings of resentment, sadness, anger and grief are not resolved by denying them, they must be processed and worked through. We must watch out for our tendencies to resist adulthood, freedom, and equality and to return to the child position with our mother figures.
Different types of mothers and their emotional problems and effects on us are discussed in detail, as well as how to deal with them. These include the China Doll Mom, the Controlling Mom, the Trophy Mom , the American Express Mom, and the Still-The-Boss Mom.
Inappropriate reactions of other relatives are included. For instance, in the China Doll Mom chapter, we are taught that any attempt to communicate directly with Mom about your relationship is fraught with danger because she will often be in tears, upset, or out of the room before you have completed your first sentence. "The adult child feels guilty for `hurting mom,' especially if other siblings fuse with mom's self-victimization. The rest of the clan is often unable to understand the control and manipulation behind mom's demeanor. The siblings will then unite against the "black sheep" who is so mean to mother. In this way, they are able to displace their own frustration with mom onto a safe target: the child who tries to reconcile honestly."
There are a number of Scriptural references to teach us how to respond, for instance, by challenging or rebelling against improper authority, taking stewardship over our own lives, and understanding that we do have choices which, although they may disappoint or anger others, are the best options for our own welfare. Although we often inwardly disagree with our mothers' behavior, "It is important to outwardly disagree, confront, refuse evil, and stand against wrongdoing. You can learn to change your silent no to an audible one."
There are many suggestions for improving our adult relationship with our mothers, setting boundaries, learning to say "No", and protecting ourselves. This book helps us to understand that these actions are Biblically based and NOT un-Christian-like. The author's teach us that the child needs to discover God's path for herself, not her parent's preordained plan for her life. Some mothers overestimate their role of authority- God created an authority structure from HIMSELF on down. A grown child no longer submits to her mother's authority. GOD WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE CHILD'S ONLY PARENT.
If Mom is not interested in seeing you as an equal, you will be taught to set limits, including limits on how much exposure to Mom you will endure, what subjects you will or will not discuss, etc. The Mom Factor gives us permission to accept and be at peace with our mother's anger at our growing independence. She will be frustrated because she can no longer control you, and you will learn to "Let her be who she is: someone who wants something she cannot have."
In my ministry work with adult daughters of controlling or abusive birth-families (see Luke 17:3 Minstries website), I have found this book to be an invaluable resource. Adult children so much need to understand that to be treated with respect and kindness by those they love is their right, and that it is Biblically "okay" to protect themselves from abuse. I highly recommend this book, as well as "Boundaries", to those who are struggling with family power and control issues.
God intended us to be free! It is up to each one of us to reach out and claim the freedom he offers us. "They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked"...Psalm 129: 2-4.

28 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Start a healthy relationship with your mom by reading this!, August 29, 1999

By A Customer

This book gave me the motivation and the ability to move past childhood problems and focus on the here and now. My mother and I have been able to slowly create a new friendship versus complaining about our previous relationship. I am truly appreciative to the authors.