Tongue Fu!: Deflect, Disarm, & Diffuse Any Verbal Conflict (Hardcover)

by Sam Horn (Author) "What do you do when someone says something unfair or unkind?..." (more)
Key Phrases: Sam Horn, Tongue Glue, Empathy Phrase (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal
The purpose of Kung Fu, the Chinese art of self-defense, is to fend off physical attacks. According to professional speaker and consultant Horn, the purpose of Tongue Fu, a spoken form of self-defense, is to guard against psychological attacks. Dealing with difficult people is a part of everyday life. However, by focusing on real-life responses to verbal challenges instead of theories and platitudes, the author has delivered a convenient handbook for the mental martial art of verbal self-protection. Divided into four sections, the book offers techniques and skills for responding thoughtfully in conflicts, expressing honest feelings and goals, seeking cooperation in difficult situations, and living a life of value during trying times. Each of the 30 chapters offers examples that demonstrate the expected goals and acquired skills in action. Despite its suggestively prurient title, Horn's book is a lively, positive guide that can be returned to time and again. A popular title for all public library collections.
David R. Johnson, Fayetteville P.L., Ark.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review
Control how to respond to criticism and how to direct arguments and negative communications through Horn's deft explanations of the fine art of 'tongue fu'. This gives plenty of case history examples on how to deflect and defuse any verbal conflict, presenting 'action plans' for changing both individual and group communications patterns. An intriguing, positive approach. -- Midwest Book Review

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press; 1st edition (January 15, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312140541
• ISBN-13: 978-0312140540
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #657,928 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

37 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Disarming verbally aggressive people, November 18, 2001

By	Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (Paperback)

Tongue Fu is an excellent treatise on how to handle verbal situations in life. Complainers, bullies, manipulators, it doesn't matter, all types of situations that are time-bombs and need to be diffused are covered in the book. The book is a working manual on how to recognize, disarm and remove those bombs before they explode and damage your reputation, your business, your relationship or just plain ruin your day. It covers the full gamut of information from how to recognize that you are under attack, to how to recognize the particular attack and what techniques are appropriate to disarm the attack. For some bombs cutting the blue wire disarms and for another one it sets the bomb off. Knowing the right type of situation you are dealing with lets you know what type of action disarms and what type sets the attack into high gear.
Lots of case histories and lots of examples so you will know what you are doing., action plans to help you start putting the information into action, the book has it all.
Another book that augments this title would be "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense", a slightly more dated book but one that deals with many of the items in greater detail. Together they are a complete set of how to deal with verbally aggressive people.

25 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars everclear1, September 11, 2003

By	JRG (Ca. USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (Paperback)

"I wish I'd been introduced to these ideas years ago; they would have saved me so much unnecessary grief. As the author points out, this isn't just about dealing with difficult people. It's about communicating in a way that helps us get along better with just about anyone. I didn't even know there were such things as "Words to Lose," and now I realize I use them constantly with customers and co-workers, even my kids. No wonder people sometimes give me a hard time. I was using language that actually makes matters worse. The book tells you exactly what to say in different types of situations. Best of all, it made me think twice about the way I relate to people. Instead of seeing the other person as the one who is being ornery, I realize now that I could be contributing to it. This book is a real eye-opener and I'm glad I read it.

107 of 134 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Sophmoric Infomercial, August 31, 2003

By	GMan "Gary" (Chicago) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (Paperback)

I purchased this book based upon many of the reader recommendations on this very important subject. However, after I received the book and began reading it, I felt scammed.

Recently at work, I felt I could have handled a situation better than I did. I knew what I wanted to convey, but it came out unsatisfactorly. Being someone who wants to improve themself, I thought I'd get a book relating to this subject matter.

The techniques presented in this book are inapplicable and irrelevant - they don't provide insight, and in my opinion are rediculous - the point where I found myself laughing. Reading this book felt like you were being lectured by your clueless, happy-go-lucky aunt.

Techniques such as "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em", "handle hassles with fun", and saying "you're right" (and meaning it) when people complain, are not realistic techniques to addressing real problem. The one which put me over the edge is her bit "choose to be compassionate" when people fail to meet their most basic responsibilities. According to this technique, if you are in a line at some place of business, and there are 25 people in front of you and one employee, you are supposed to spend the time in line convincing yourself that "it's okay - they are just understaffed". Or, if that employee messes up your order, say an ice cream cone, you are supposed to do the following:
1. "Ask them for their name" - Everyone knows doing this will immediately put the employee on the defensive.
2. "State your Customer Rights and Wishes" - This is going to anger the employee with such a belittling remark.
3. "Ask to see a supervisor" - Oh, really? Gee, I'm glad I'm paying money for such earth shattering advice.
And so on...

In all seriousness, my conclusion is that this book will not help you to address real problems, especially in the business environment. I strongly urge you to avoid it. I have since begun reading the book "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense at Work". Although I have not drawn any conclusions, I will tell you that this book takes a serious approach to the issues at hand and uses scientific research to support its conjectures. By the way, Tongue Fu doesn't even have a footnote in it.