Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex, A Hands on, practical guide to coping with custody issues that arise with an uncooperative ex-spouse (Paperback)

by Julie A. Ross (Author), Judy Corcoran (Author) "Every time my ex breaks up with a man, she goes to bed for a few days..." (more)
Key Phrases: problem pyramid, worth investing your time, masking emotion, Positive Thought (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
Currently the director Parenting Horizons, which offers ongoing interactive workshops and counseling for parents, Julie A. Ross is also a certified Active Parenting Group Leader, a member in good standing with the American Counseling Assocation and has her own private practice. Her previous book, Practical Parenting for the 21st Century: The Manual You Wish Had Come with Your Child, is now in its third printing.

Judy Cordcoran is a freelance writer, the creative director of Gray Productions, and the media reporter for BrandMarketing Magazine.
-- Review

Review

Currently the director Parenting Horizons, which offers ongoing interactive workshops and counseling for parents, Julie A. Ross is also a certified Active Parenting Group Leader, a member in good standing with the American Counseling Assocation and has her own private practice. Her previous book, Practical Parenting for the 21st Century: The Manual You Wish Had Come with Your Child, is now in its third printing.Judy Cordcoran is a freelance writer, the creative director of Gray Productions, and the media reporter for BrandMarketing Magazine.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (February 15, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312141130
• ISBN-13: 978-0312141134
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars See all reviews (40 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #55,411 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #6 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Parenting > Single Parents
  #83 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Divorce

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

149 of 165 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Overkill, April 9, 1999

By A Customer

This book made two important points. First, if you don't like the way your ex parents your kids after your divorce, that's too bad. Why do divorced parents think they can dictate to each other how to parent? Part of getting a divorce is relinquishing all control you had over your former spouse. Unless your ex is abusing your children and you are ready to press formal charges, don't expect your ex to be interested in your criticisms of him or her. Second, if your kids are complaining to you about what goes on when they're with your ex, the best thing you can do for your kids is to refuse to play the middleman and insist the kids work out their problems with your ex themselves.

I think these are both good points, but this book gets caught up in hashing through all the detailed "methods" you can use to figure out what to do when problems come up. One that seemed particularly useless to me was using the "broken record" approach when communicating with your ex, just repeating what you want over and over. Not very mature or solution-oriented.

This book also took an old-fashioned approach to custody, assuming that one parent (usually the mom) is the real parent and the visiting parent is mostly just a pain. For a healthier view of post-divorce parenting, see "Mom's House, Dad's House," "The Custody Revolution: the Father Factor and the Motherhood Mystique," and "Children of Divorce: a Developmental Approach to Residence and Visitation."

My recommendation to parents is first, to accept that you can't tell your ex how to act, and second, to try one of the books listed above or "Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?" for a more grown-up approach to helping your kids through a very difficult time.

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helped me get a handle on my custody chaos!, October 24, 2004

By	Kelli Hanson "pathologicmd" (San Diego, CA United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The two main things I got from this book were: 1) It helped me achieve a certain level of peace with my custody situation, and 2) It taught me some effective ways to communicate with both my ex and my son. These two things have definitely helped me get a handle on my custody chaos, and consequently I am able to focus more energy on parenting.

The book's early chapters deal with common problems that arise in an uncooperative custody relationship. The authors teach you how to break each problem down into the actual problems themselves, and the emotional component of the problems. By analyzing and understanding your own emotional reaction to an issue, you can deal with it much more effectively, and it ends up having less control over you. Sometimes you find that what you thought was a problem is actually not a problem at all, but just an emotional trigger.

Later chapters deal with effective ways to communicate with your ex. The suggestions the authors give are practical, and so far the ones I've used have worked. They are probably good for other types of relationships too.

The authors stress that building your child's self-esteem and self-confidence is extremely important. They also emphasize that even if your ex is a jerk, your child still loves and needs him or her. The authors teach that it is important to recognize how our words and actions affect our children.

I recommend this book for anyone who feels that their custody situation is out of control, or who has communication problems with their ex. No book will solve all your custody problems if your ex is a jerk. When you finish reading the book, your ex will probably still be a jerk. You will, however, be better equipped to deal with the jerk in your life.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I'd give it more stars! Definitely worth the price!, November 2, 2004

By	gonna make it through (Minnesota) - See all my reviews

I picked it up, bitter and looking for humor. What I got instead was a nearly plug-in formula for communicating with my ex who is so difficult we were forbidden to communicate except by email or text message. I learned how to not let him foist his problems onto me, while still not creating problems for our kids. Anyone who couldn't find value in this book is either as calm and wonderful as Mr. Rogers or simply cannot read. I'd even recommend this book to ANYONE who needs help "talking like a therapist" in order to get through communications with difficult people of any kind. I know its helping me.