Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years (Paperback)

~ (Author), Christine Schelhas-Miller (Author) "When our son called from college, we were confused about what he needed from us..." (more)
Key Phrases: New York, Know More, San Francisco (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Parenting a college-bound student is a tricky business--combining your emotional and financial support with your child's newfound independence can seem nearly impossible. The authors of Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money are all too familiar with these difficulties and have created a practical guide that addresses specific situations and provides effective guidelines for changing the parent-child relationship. Topics are addressed frankly, and many parents may have trouble reading the sections concerning controversial subjects such as drug and alcohol use, birth control, homosexuality, and changes in religious and political beliefs. The emphasis here is not on changing your kid's mind about any of these things, but rather how parents can approach these sensitive topics while maintaining a positive and honest relationship. Most pages contain small text boxes highlighting what's on your mind and what's on your child's mind, as well as practical lists suggesting what to do and what to avoid, and these can be extremely helpful as a quick reference when faced with a sudden announcement from your student who's decided to change majors, stop living in the dorm, or study abroad.

With a down-to-earth tone and clear insight into the minds of both parents and college students, this is an easy-to-read book that manages to handle difficult topics without preaching or downplaying important events. Ultimately, this book aims to help parents and their nearly adult children make the transition to a new kind of relationship, ideally one that is open and mutually respectful. With careful reading and consideration, the suggestions presented will help create a handy road map to lead you through the twists and turns of parenting your college student. --Jill Lightner

From Kirkus Reviews

This concrete, easy-to-use guide is designed to help anxious parents support and understand their newly fledged children as they weather the slings and arrows of the first year of college. Johnson (Assistant Dean of Students/Cornell) and Schelhas-Miller (Adolescent Development/Cornell) possess decades of professional experience as college counselors, and their easy expertise is obvious. Despite glib overtones--the work at times reads like a transcript from a Power Point talk given at a generic freshman orientation--the authors address difficult issues with varying degrees of success. Certain basic assumptions--parental acceptance of teen sex (even to the point of providing off-to-college birth control pills) and the equally underplayed acceptance of underage drinking and drugging--might be obstacles for some readers, as might gender- and class-based generalizations, such as those addressed to young women on campus and individuals who are the first in their (immigrant) family to attend college. Despite these caveats, however, most potential first-year situations--from academic probation and credit-card sprees to date rape and eating disorders--are discussed in level, clear language designed to help parents allow their children to cope. The authors' main message (that parenting style should evolve from daily caregiving to more of a mentoring relationship) is clear and consistent, and seems sane and grounded guidance.Both a useful guide and a literary security blanket, offering familiar comforts and good, solid advice in a text-dense sea of boxes, lists, and resources for further reading. -- Copyright © 2000 Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Golden Guides from St. Martin's Press; 1st edition (June 17, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312263740
• ISBN-13: 978-0312263744
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 7 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #312,486 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Find!, March 6, 2001

By	Judy S. Durham (Ocala, Florida USA) - See all my reviews

After reading 4 to 5 various books similar to this topic I wished that I would have read this one first. It covers it all! A very thorough book full of insights into parenting during this questionable time of your childs life. I love the "What to Do" and "What Not to Do" sections and also the "What You Are Thinking" and "What Your Child is Thinking". My daughter is now a freshman at UF and this book was very affirming as I reflected back and found out that YES....this is NORMAL! This would of been the only book I bought and spent my time reading IF only I would have found it sooner. It will truly serve as a reference and I will keep it close at hand so I can flip through the index to find the current "crisis" explained and get insights as to how to handle. I plan on purchasing this book for graduation gifts for the parents of those children graduating from High School. It is a MUST read!

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Just what the doctor ordered, April 26, 2005

By	L. Ferron "Well behaved women seldom make his... (Tennessee, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

If Dr. Spock were alive he would have approved of this book. This is one of the few good parenting books dealing with "almost adult" children not living at home. It showed me that one of the hardest things a parent has to do is to let go of active parenting (ie, telling them what to do) and adopt a posture of mentoring with their college-aged child. Why was this so hard? We do it with other adults all time. This book gave me "permission" to stop worrying about letting my child make decisions which affect her life (and not necessarily mine). Once I read the scenarios (which are all too real) and the different approaches to responses, I found myself much more comfortable with the idea of helping her to determine her own fate -- one of her choosing and not of mine. Yes, it still takes practice and yes, sometimes I am holding my tongue (and choking on my response), but our relationship is better and she is becoming her own woman instead of a mini-clone of me. Guess what? Now that I am not judgemental or authorative she is telling me so much more. Now THAT'S an improvement!

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An easy-to-read guide!, May 30, 2000

By A Customer

This is a very helpful guide -- I found the organization really simple and easy to work through, and the real-life examples made it all that much clearer to me.

I've often been afraid that my kids are growing apart from me -- one's in college now, and the other will be going soon. Now I have some great ideas on how my relationship with them can change and become a true adult relationship -- without losing my little girls completely!

I recommend this one for all parents -- whether your kid is ready for college, already in college, or thinking about college in a few years. This will really help you to be a parent who can HELP your kids, instead of just pressuring them and making them feel torn apart by the big adjustment away from the family.