A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "biological condition remains unaltered. As such motherhood provides a unique window to the history of our sex, but its glass is easily broken..." (more)
Key Phrases: Aunt Reed

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Taking an unsentimental approach to one of the most dramatic changes in a woman's life, British novelist Cusk (The Country Life) dissects the process of new motherhood from a psychological and emotional perspective. Now the mother of two, Cusk found the early weeks and months with a dependent newborn far from idyllic and rewarding, and her description of that time fills in the gaps left by most pregnancy and child-rearing books. Her dry, honest style is a refreshing change for anyone seeking to understand the daily realities of undertaking such an enormous responsibility. Despite a tone that is at times bleak and foreboding, Cusk perfectly captures the inherent conflict between the pleasures known before baby and those that the baby brings, noting, for example, "it is when the baby sleeps that I liaise, as if it were a lover, with my former life," but "sometimes I miss the baby and lie beside her cot while she sleeps." Cusk details her struggles with the major tasks all new mothers face, like feeding and sleep, and she addresses the challenge not only to do what is best for the baby, but also to maintain a sense of self and autonomy in the face of such constant, overwhelming need. Although not a cheerful baby shower gift book, Cusk's brutal honesty will certainly be appreciated by many new moms, assuring them they are not alone.

From Library Journal

"If at any point in my life I had been able to find out what the future held, I would always have wanted to know whether or not I would have children," writes Cusk, an award-winning British novelist, in her nonfiction debut. The clarity of her writing matches its depth of content, as Cusk endeavors to discover what it means to be a parent. Ultimately, what Cusk offers is an expos‚ of motherhood that extracts its myths and reworks them into personal truths. She reexamines the teachings of traditional child rearing books to find that their once relevant answers are now outdated and only served to increase her feelings of inadequacy as a mother. Perhaps the most valuable aspect of this book is its accessibility, allowing mothers from all situations and backgrounds to unite in understanding. Recommended for all public libraries.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Picador; 1st edition (April 6, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312269870
• ISBN-13: 978-0312269876
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #284,397 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Honest and Not For The Faint-of-Heart, October 3, 2005

By	Marni Frankel (Silver Spring, Maryland) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother (Paperback)

I spent a long time reading and re-reading Cusk's introduction. In fact, I spent a whole lot more time with the introduction than the rest of the book. [There was much in the book proper that didn't resonate, though through and through I admired her brave straightforwardness.] This said, the introduction spoke to me in no uncertain terms, and it was quite a relief to find someone who could so eloquently express some of the feelings and changes that I, and presumably others -- though perhaps not the majority -- experienced after the birth of my two children.

Unlike Cusk, never did I mull at length over the question of "having children" nor did I view it as anything other than something exciting - something that would enhance my life, my story so to speak. Hence my excitement when the stick showed purple and my joy and disbelief which lead, absurdly but all in the name of fun, to repeat trips to the CVS for lots of pregnancy tests just to keep on seeing that purple line. And I'm sure my eldest will be justifiably horrified when she discovers that I saved them. Who knows, maybe someday she'll think to herself, "Look! my mom was REALLY really, happy to learn that she was pregnant with me" or -- and less charitably --"my mom, well, let's just say she beat to her own drum. A special drum at that."

So what was it about this book, even over Lammott's "Operating Instructions", that I found, well, validating? Just this: the fact that precisely because she had a child, her "appetite" for living - for wanting to live - was "insatiable". And even though in the same breath she also delves into her loss of freedom(s), I'm happy to set that aside for now.

In her marvelous introduction she states three truths that I find incontrovertible: 1) "A day spent at home caring for a child could not be more different from a day spent working in an office. Whatever their relative merits, they are days spent on opposite sides of the world." 2) "Another person has existed in her, and after their birth they live within the jurisdiction of her consciousness. When she is with them she is not herself; when she is without them she is not herself; and so it is as difficult to leave your children as it is to stay with them." [A therapist, of course, could probably talk her through this depth of emotion, but I am not one nor do I play one on TV.] And, above all, 3) "My experience of reading, indeed of culture, was profoundly changed by having a child, in the sense that I found the concept of art and expression far more involving and necessary, far more human in its drive to bring forth and create, than I once did." It is, overwhelmingly, her third experience - that from having children the desire to do, to contribute, and to create -- in whatever form, increases dramatically, and not the reverse, not the mother-subverts-desires-and-needs-to-all-ruling child. The cost of this book was covered just by reading the first ten pages. It was a sanctuary.

Even if you dislike her perspective, it's worth a read precisely because Cusk makes you think and the prose simple and elegant. I think I'd advise others to try to get through it a) before the baby arrives (it's pretty dense at times, though other reviewers disagree) or b) if you have a colicky one and think you might lose your mind or have lost it. She more than ably captures the lesser discussed ways that the birth of a child can impact and change not just a mother, but a woman.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, a book about motherhood that rings true, March 19, 2002

By A Customer

I couldn't wait to read this book because 1) I really enjoy Rachel Cusk's novels and 2) I had just become a new mother.

I was not disappointed--Rachel tells it like it is. She talks about all the difficult and ambivalent feelings of becoming a mother that most of us have kept to ourselves.

The regret and the irrationality, the pride and protectiveness, the "out of body" experience that nobody can prepare you for--Rachel describes it all. With a great sense of humor and humanity, this book helped me make sense of my own experience of new motherhood.

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A voice not heard, September 11, 2006

By	TX Music Lover "littlegirl" (Dallas, TX) - See all my reviews

This review is from: A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother (Paperback)

I was not familiar with Ms.Cusk's work prior to reading this book. I am a new mother and A Life's Work was recommended to me.
Her voice is one that is not heard in books about motherhood. My thougths echoed in her words.
Pregnancy and motherhood has been humbling, humiliating and exhausting. I love my daughter but I never could have anticipated the emotional journey I was embarking on.
Rachel Cusk does not put a pretty pink wash on everything. It is a clean true voice.

I recommend this book to any woman trying to find where she has gotten lost in her life.