If Men Could Talk: Here's What They'd Say (Hardcover)

by Alon Gratch (Author) "Men are difficult..." (more)
Key Phrases: nonsexual equivalents, masculine insecurity, feminine split, New York, Wall Street, Alon Gratch (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Women drawn to this book by its promise to unlock men's secrets will find that following Gratch's premise requires more effort and sophistication than following the work of John Gray. Though this book holds insights into the male psyche and into the therapeutic process itself, readers looking for a quick fix or easy characterizations will be disappointed. Despite the clever title, Gratch serves up fairly serious theory flavored with dollops of Russian literature and only brief suggestions on dealing with men's behavior. Rather than suggest manipulative tactics, he urges women to hone their emotional understanding, in one case advising women to be like a "detective" in probing for emotions. Observing that "the cornerstone of man's gender identity is his feminine, not masculine, desires," this Westchester, N.Y., clinical psychologist surveys men's motivations using popular catchphrases: "boys don't cry" (shame); "I don't know what I feel" (emotional absence); "tired of being on top" (insecurity); "see me, touch me" (self-involvement); "I'll show you who's boss" (aggression); "I'm such a loser" (self-destruction); "I want sex now" (sexual acting out). In alternately familiar and intriguing composite patient profiles, Gratch illustrates each behavior, documenting his reactions to being challenged and engaged by--and at times almost jousting with--patients. (Feb. 20)Forecast: While Gratch aims for a dual readership, his catchy title and topic are designed to attract media attention and a stampede of women buyers. However, he may have pitched this one too high for a mass audience.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
Gratch, a clinical psychologist with more than 20 years of experience (Columbia Univ. and Columbia Presbyterian Hosp.), has taken a distinctly psychoanalytical view of why men do what they do. He posits seven attributes in an attempt to explain male behavior: shame, emotional absence, self-involvement, masculine insecurity, aggression, self-destructiveness, and sexual acting-out. The author blames a lot of these issues on men tryingAbut not being fully ableAto hide the feminine part of their psyches. He also blames a lot of gender conflict on men reacting negatively to women being too "womanly": because they don't like the feminine aspects of their own psyches, they feel called upon to revile these aspects in others. This tendentious work is a marginal purchase for most libraries; buy where Sigmund Freud is still "the man" and patrons believe that a cigar is never a cigar.APamela A. Matthews, Gettysburg Coll., PA
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 311 pages
• Publisher: Little Brown and Company (February 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0316178616
• ISBN-13: 978-0316178617
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #461,991 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Full of insight into the dark heart of the male, February 16, 2001

By	"mark_rosenman" (Montclair, NJ United States) - See all my reviews

I don't generally read psychology or self-help, which is why, having just finished this remarkable book, I feel like shouting about it from the rooftop. Written clearly and eloquently (no psycho babble!), If Men Could Talk covers a wide range of male hang-ups, taboos, and issues, in a profound yet practical way. On every page Gratch reaches deeply into dark corners of the male mind and heart, shedding light where ever he looks. Shame, inability to express feelings, professional self-doubt, sexual restlessness-the whole male magilla is here, illuminated by easy-to-grasp case studies from Gratch's practice that make his points live. The best part of all Gratch's distinctive tone: supportive but honest, earnest, good humored. His emphasis is on how to start a dialogue with a man: how to listen without being judgmental, how to understand without necessarily agreeing. One example of his good sense(among many): getting in touch in therapy with the left-over anger you feel towards your parents doesn't at all have to mean that you're blaming them for your problems. Time will tell whether what I learned from this book will really make it easier for me to talk. In the meantime I was both enriched and entertained by an encounter with an extraordinary psychologist. And most important of all-it will help my wife to understand me (it's on her bed table as I write this).

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Primer on actually Understanding Men, April 27, 2002

By	Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men (Paperback)

Gratch is a clinical psychologist who has spent many years working predominantly with men. One of the most common complaints from women about men is that they don't talk. This book is the result of years of getting men to talk and finding out what they would say, if they would talk openly. Covering several areas from shame to sexual acting out, this is not a book about quick fixes but a detailed analysis of the psyche of men and what goes on under the surface.

Gratch breaks his analysis down to seven key attributes that you must understand in order to understand men. First are the defensive attributes of Shame and Emotional Absence. He explains how these affect a man's thoughts and actions as well as what can be done about it. Then he discusses the four things that affect a man when he finally does open up. These are Masculine Insecurity, Self-Involvement, Aggression, and Self-Destructiveness. And finally he discusses the practice of Sexual Acting-Out.

An interesting and provocative book, some readers (mostly men) will have a problem with the analysis and some will find it enlightening. Reasonably argued and filled with interesting insights, it is a reasonable analysis of how many men really operate deep inside.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If Men Could Talk, February 22, 2001

By A Customer

I just finished reading If Men Could Talk by Dr. Alon Gratch and couldn't put it down. I'm not an avid reader but finished it in 2 days and for me that's unbelievable. It was an extremely easy read and not technical at all. It gave me a lot of insight into my husband of 47 years, believe it or not. I think relating to him now will be an easier task. Dr. Gratch seems to be very human and caring of his patients. I recommend this book to every man and woman alike. I certainly will recommend it to my book club. I'm sure we can get an afternoon of discussion out of it and I look forward to the day we do. This book is truly a winner.