How to Argue and Win Every Time (Paperback)

~ (Author) "We were born to make the winning argument just as we were born to walk..." (more)
Key Phrases: magical argument, coon pie, credibility detectors, Mother Earth, United States, New York (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Spense, a nationally known trial lawyer who has never lost a case, defended Karen Silkwood and Philippine First Lady Imelda Marcos as well as hardened criminals and "little guys" victimized by impersonal institutions. How does he do it? This thought-provoking, lively book shows that no magic or "charisma" is required to argue effectively, and that "power" as popularly conceived may actually be an obstacle to winning. Rather, Spense encourages readers to develop empathy; to relate to "the opposition" not as enemies but as fellow humans; to use fear as an ally; to understand and develop credibility; to find the "story" in every argument; and to learn when not to argue. The last section explains how to argue with lovers, spouses, children and co-workers. Spense's unconventional advice, interwoven with emotionally charged descriptions of cases he has fought, is helpful for anyone wishing to have a say in the boardroom, courtroom or bedroom. First serial to the American Bar Association Journal and Trial Lawyers Magazine; author tour.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Booklist

A celebrity defense lawyer who garners quantity face-time during publicity-soaked trials, Spence, as attentive O. J.-ers know, is the aw-shucks Wyomingite who hates neckties, prosecutors, bankers, and pretense in general. He also hates losing an argument, which he has rarely done in a courtroom. Here, Spence distills his bar experience into the secrets of his success and translates that into the plain language of the real world of jobs, romance, and child rearing. Spence exhorts readers to believe that the art of arguing is verily the art of living, and aversion to argumentativeness only hinders people from getting what they want. So throughout this disputation, Spence anticipates objections (which he dubs the "Lock" ) and supplies refutations (dubbed the "Key" ). Spence's overall keys to winning are to contend without being contentious, to persuade instead of overwhelming "the Other," and to always be credible. Though discursive in style, Spence's prose is pointedly sharp in essence and displays unself-consciously his own flamboyant personality. Rises above the herd in the conduct-of-life genre. Gilbert Taylor --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Pan Books (February 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0330347748
• ISBN-13: 978-0330347747
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (92 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #218,723 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

51 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A very useful little book!, June 4, 2000

By	Chad Bagley "Chad" (Shanghai China/Provo, UT) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Argue & Win Every Time: At Home, At Work, In Court, Everywhere, Everyday (Paperback)

Wow! Alot of folks who have reviewed this book need a hug and a valium (a potent combination I might add).

Let me start by saying that the title of this book is a bit misleading, and intentionaly so. This book isn't about arguing as much as it's about communicating. Mr. Spence useds the word 'argument' in the context that everything we articulate- whether it's a desire to teach , punish, express wants or state an oppinion- is essentialy an argument.

The twist to this little tome is that effective arguing is not a act of selfishness but a labor of love. A good argument is one in which the greatest good is served.

I particularly found the chapter on arguing with kids quite useful. I tend to be quite authoritarian and rule oriented when it comes to child rearing and this little chapter taught me that kids will grow into responsible loving adults without being constantly hovered over and corraled into so called 'correct behavior'. This chapter is worth the price of the book alone.

I recommend this book to anyone who has ever asked for anything in his/her life. Well hell! I must be recommending this book to everyone.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A highly readable book - Important reading for negotiators., April 18, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Argue & Win Every Time: At Home, At Work, In Court, Everywhere, Everyday (Paperback)

I dont usually review books that have already been reviewed by more than 20 others, but I need to make an exception for 2 reasons. First, this book is MUST reading for anyone on my negotiating team. While I'm not a Gerry Spence fan, his negotiating style is simple, but very powerful. Second, for the benefit of all potential readers, I need to respond to the anonymous MBA from Austin Texas who reviewed this book and said "Bottom line is that I didnt feel any more prepared for negotiating after I read it". I guarantee that anyone with negotiating responsibilities who does not get something out of this book is not a very good negotiator. Even if you don't want to mimic Gerry's style, at some point in your business career, you're bound to run into someone who negotiates the way Gerry Spence does. If you don't at least understand what's going on, and how to respond in kind, you're doomed to lose that negotiation. If, after reading this book, you feel like you didn't get anything out of it, either reread it or choose another profession.

24 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Silly title - great book!, May 2, 2003

By	Tim Warneka "Leadership Expert, Keynote Speak... (Cleveland, OH USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: How to Argue & Win Every Time: At Home, At Work, In Court, Everywhere, Everyday (Paperback)

Books with grandiose titles like this usually keep me from reading them (Hello publisher's marketing department!). A friend of mine recommended that I read this book, and I was glad that I did.

yes, many of Spence's political views (along with my own) are left of center. But it's the PROCESS that this book is all about.

I re-read this book a number of time. This book has helped me to become a better therapist (in fact, this is a book that I recommend in my workshops on using metaphor in psychotherapy). If you are a Jungian or otherwise interested in stories and narratives, this book is a good read.

We are all, in Spence's words, people of the story. All humans love stories, so it only makes sense to incorporate stories into our arguments and discussions (and therapy sessions and legal debates and....)

As I've said, I have re-read this book many times. I particularly enjoy the section on "the power of story" (chp 8?), the section on intuitive speaking and the importance of preparation, and the section on speaking and using your voice.