Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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53 of 62 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Axline AND Dibs' mother are both victims..., May 18, 2003
...of an inaccurate perspective. In terms of writing quality and emotional "pull," this book deserves 5 stars. And, like Freud, it is important to read -- in the correct context. Axline was a pioneer of play therapy (for individuals and groups), and I think there is no doubt that it is a fruitful method for interacting with troubled children. In my practice as a psychologist, I have certainly found play therapy to be extremely productive because a) it is the natural "language" of children, and b) it is also one of the most important ways children learn.So...yes, I believe Dibs (as presented by Axline -- we do have to rely on her description) closely fits the criteria for Asperger's Syndrome, a syndrome on the autistic spectrum where very bright children capable of complex thinking may be quite impaired in basic social, motor and communication skills. And I do believe her therapy with him was very helpful because she provided a model for social interaction, one-on-one (group situations were probably too overwhelming) that allowed him to increase his positive interactions with others (which, in turn, increased their positive response to him). I sympathize with reviewers who are outraged at the use of "refrigerator mother" theory in the book -- and with the reviewers who experienced the pain of unloving or abusive parents. No, an unloving or uninvolved parent cannot "cause" autism. However, it is also true that no autistic child was ever helped by a lack of love or being locked away from others. What both Axline and many reviewers have not taken into account, though, is the degree to which love between parent and child is developed interactively: Dibs mother blames herself because he was an unwanted child (and Axline agrees with this assessment), but it is clear that people unprepared and unwilling to be parents would need an outgoing, engaging child to "seduce" them into affiliation. Faced with a difficult and unresponsive child, with no experience of nurturing, it is not uncommon for parents to find interacting with their child so aversive that a "refrigerated" relationship develops. (Particularly if, as an astute earlier reviewer noted, one or both of Dibs' parents had ASperger's syndrome.) Dibs' sister, outgoing and charming, allows them to experience "success" as parents, so they, naturally, interact more warmly with her. It might be said not that "rerigerator mothers" cause autism, but that autsim in a child can sometimes lead to refrigerated parents. It is important to be fair to Axline, I think. If Dibs was at least 15 years old when the book was written, she was working with him in the late 40's or early 50's -- and for her time, she showed considerable compassion for Dibs' parents. Moreover, many reviewers are suspicious of the book, thinking that she claims to have achieved her results in 7-12 sessions. Careful reading shows that Axline worked with Dibs approximately once weekly for nine months. Even allowing for illness and vacations, 30 or so sessions with a highly skilled therapist can support massive change in a young child. I'm inclined to believe that what "worked" for Axline was her modeling of social interactions at a pace slow enough for Dibs to absorb skills that led to positive reinforcement when he used them at home and at school. In addition, I think play therapy would have greatly ameliorated the anguish he undoubtedly experienced at being unloved. In return, his mother was able to feel more successful and therefore more loving, which led to a slow but continual improvement in their relationship. I have always wanted to hear Dibs' point of view. He would, presumably, be in his mid to late 50's now, and I often wonder how adulthood has been for him, how he remembers Dr. Axline, and what he thinks of this book.
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18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Boy Who Would Not Play, October 2, 2003
What could have caused a 5-year-old child with an IQ of 168 to clam up and stop talking, playing or laughing? Virginia Axline, author of 'Play Therapy' finds out as she records the progress of Dibs in this book that has since become a child therapy classic. A review in Amazon.com held forth that Dibs is autistic, but it is clear to me that he is not. Dibs is a child who deliberately withheld speech and affection as a means of self-defense against his cold, unloving, high- achieving and demanding parents and their battery of tests to prove him gifted. He does not suffer a neurological disorder nor is he autistic.
This remarkably moving and honest book gives credit not to the therapist/author for having worked a miracle, rather, it is the child and his inner strength and resolve that are given praise. The amazingly articulate child acts out his anger through his play of dolls. In a poignant part, Dibs reverses the parent-child role and 'makes' a 'mother' doll build a mountain upon the instruction of the 'boy' doll.
"It is too hard to do," said Dibs. "Nobody can build a mountain. But I'll make her do it. She'll have to build the mountain and do it right. There is a right way and wrong way of doing things and you will do it the right way."
After some thought, he decided he would help the 'mother' and not impose such an onerous task on her. He talks of love and caring for his mother and sister. This shows that Dibs, despite his frustration, fear and anger, has great capacity for compassion, empathy and forgiveness. The therapy sessions with his non-judgmental therapist helped Dibs be aware of his feelings and of matters within and without his control.
Having learned it is all right to be a child and to be himself, Dibs unlocked the doors in his life and introduced himself to the world of other children. The doors of affection, acceptance and understanding that had been closed to him by his rigid, compulsive, scientist parents were opened after Dibs realized he need not fear the censure of his therapist and when his parents, after his mother's two surreptitious meetings with the therapist, decide to open up too and allow their children to grow and learn naturally without pressure and constant criticism. Dibs proved himself a real hero when he identified himself with a grownup doll and declared himself 'big, strong and not afraid any more'. He went on to be a
sociable, intelligent child with a keen love for nature and other people. The author recalls with pleasure how Dibs, at age 15, wrote a letter to his school newspaper to protest the dismissal of his classmate. He wrote with conviction and a strong sense of justice. The letter was signed: 'With sincerity and intent to act, I am, sincerely yours, Dibs.' Such is the integrity and leadership qualities of an admirable child who at one point was labeled mentally retarded. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the emotional development of children.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A DEFINITE MUST READ!, November 26, 1999
By A Customer
DIBS is an incredible book that can serve as an inspiration to all. It pulls you in emotionally while teaching you a great deal about children's psychology. I read it in ONE DAY! For everyone who rated this book low... they were obviously unable to see the meaning of this book. The strength this child had to overcome his past and learn to live a strong, happy, and healthy life. It is definitly worth the time and the money.
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