'It Will Never Happen to Me!' Children of Alcoholics: As Youngsters - Adolescents - Adults (Mass Market Paperback)

~ (Author) "I remember, as a boy, coming home from school and seeing either the living room or the dining room furniture thrown out in the driveway..." (more)
Key Phrases: placating child, nonalcoholic spouse, nonalcoholic parent (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

This "little green book," as it has come to be known to hundreds of thousands of C.O.A.'s and A.C.O.A.'s, is meant to help the reader understand the roles children in alcoholic families adopt, the problems they face in adulthood as a result, and what they can do to break the pattern of destruction.

From the Publisher

One of the gifts of what we have come to learn about people raised in chemically dependent families is that it has offered extremely useful information for people raised in other types of troubled families as well. Whether or not you were raised in an addictive family system, It Will Never Happen To Me may very well offer a framework to understand your situation. We have long recognized that people raised with physical and sexual aabuse strongly identify as if they were raised with addiction. People raised with mental illness, ranging from schizophrenia to depression, to raging parents, frequently identify with adult child issues. People raised with parents afected by chronic health issues, physical challenges, as well as those raised by an adult child (an adult child who may not manifest an addiction, but the thinking and behavior is often characteristic of an addict) may also identify. The connecting thread between these different types of families is experienc! ing chronic loss that fuels emotional isolation, rigidity, or shame.

Whatever the circumstances, when you come from a history of loss, it is like being a first cousin to the person raised with addiction. Therefore, if this information can benefit others raised in troubled families, this is an added gift. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (September 12, 1987)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345345940
• ISBN-13: 978-0345345943
• Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #202,032 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 62 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Well written, jargon free, motivating and inspiring, August 10, 2000

By	Simon Jackson (Bradford, West Yorkshire United Kingdom) - See all my reviews

Claudia Black has written extensively on the subject of Children of Alcoholics (COA) and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). In her book `It Will Never Happen to Me' she has combined her considerable talent for jargon free language with the words and expressions of those who have experienced life as a COA/ACOA. The result is a wonderfully insightful book that will bring clarity to a great many people.

A central theme of the book is an exploration of the roles that ACOA adopt as a means of coping with the events around them - the responsible one, the adjuster, the placater and so on. Often in childhood these roles are appropriate in that they enable the child to cope with their often traumatic experiences. However, in adulthood the over-dependency on these roles can lead to obsessions, neurosis, mental health problems amongst other issues. Furthermore, in a family where alcohol is used in an unhealthy manner the child learns to `don't talk, don't trust and don't feel'. Claudia Black gives the reader an insight in to the possibilities that exist for the adult child to break away from the scripts that have been set for them by others. The message is `it doesn't have to be this way'.

I was the responsible child, the hero of my family. I did well at school, was good at sports, succeeded in almost all areas. I went on the University, gained a good degree, a counselling qualification and then a Masters - as an adult I was fulfilling my script to be responsible, to achieve, to be the hero. I was also in a succession of relationships where I took on the role of carer, replicating the role that had developed in my family. Along with some therapy, the books of Claudia Black were pivotal in my change process, moving away from who others wanted me to be to the person I wanted to work towards being.

This book alone cannot change the behaviour of the ACOA, words after all are only words! What this book does however, is provide the right words - full of wisdom and experience - that can motivate and inspire the ACOA to begin his/her journey to wholeness.

35 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Insight into Who I am and Why, August 6, 2005

By	D. Russell (Grass Valley, CA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I read this book AFTER reading ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS by Janet Woititz. Both provided me with insight into a problem I only recently realized I have. However, Black's book is both easier to read and has more detailed analysis. She divides ACoAs into four categories: The Responsible One, The Adjuster, The Placater, and "Acting Out". I fit the profile of Responsible in every way. I now understand myself better, and am beginning therapy for the first time in my life at the age of 55. Thank you, Dr. Black, for opening my eyes!

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book could change your life., April 2, 2001

By	Zbodhimama "spiritabroad" (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews

Both of my parents were alcoholics, and when I read It Will Never Happen to Me in the 1980s it changed my life forever. Just this week I recommended it to yet another person. Most people I've given it to are afraid to read it, because it will bring back painful memories, but it is worth it. If some readers find the material in this book to be basic or familiar, they may not realize that it was the ground breaking book on this subject for a popular audience. All subsequent books for adult children of alcoholics owe a debt to Claudia Black.