Secret Survivors (Paperback)

by E. Sue Blume (Author) "Incest may not be what you think it is..." (more)
Key Phrases: incest survivor herself, many incest survivors, other incest survivors, Judith Herman, New York, Alice Miller (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Addressed to victims of incest--here defined to include sexual abuse by friends or caregivers--this is a realistic and sensitive study. New York psychotherapist Blume speaks to victims who have blocked childhood memories of abuse, and sets out to help them cope with "Post-Incest Syndrome," which encompasses depression, guilt, substance addiction and sexual dysfunction. Survivors will also benefit from the author's perceptive advice on rebuilding self-esteem as a preparation for resuming friendships and sexual relations.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal
A therapist who works with incest victims, Blume offers help, advice, and support while exploring in depth the devastation wrought by this crime. She expands the definition of incest to include sexual abuse perpetrated by any caregiver (including teachers, relatives, or neighbors). Her book is written for those who know that they have been abused as well as those who have blocked such abuse from their memories. The "Incest Survivor Aftereffects Checklist" describes the many ways incest affects its victims. Using the concepts delineated in the checklist Blume explores how victims protect themselves against awareness that cannot be faced through aftereffects such as dreams, addictions, and interpersonal issues. She then offers numerous specific suggestions for recovery, including descriptions and evaluations of therapeutic interventions in the final chapter.
- Jodith Janes, Cleveland Clinic Foundation
Copyright 1990 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; 1st Ballantine Books Trade Pbk. Ed edition (January 20, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345419456
• ISBN-13: 978-0345419453
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #25,791 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

66 of 67 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Your Guide to Diving into the Abyss, November 27, 2006

By	Crochet Lover "crochetlover" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women (Mass Market Paperback)

Dear E. Sue Blume,

I recently had the opportunity to read your book, Secret Survivors. In short, I have discovered a hell within myself that I did not know was there thanks to you.

You see, I had no idea that the after-effects of my incestuous past ran so deep. You originally intended your book to be for those who could only remember their incest in part, or maybe not at all... in my case, it has been the opposite. Most of the memories have remained clear for me, it was the resulting damage that was vague or unrecognizable.

I did not know that in being molested by my family of origin, and having them interchangeably argue that there was nothing wrong with it to justify its continuance... my entire life, my identity, was so deeply fractured by its ugly roots penetrating so deeply. What an incredibly rude awakening you had in store for me.

For example, your checklist... there are 34 items on there. I checked off 28 of them. Eating disorders, wanting to change my name, unable to sleep at night, guilt and shame, psychic numbing, those are just a few of them. About the only thing it seemed I hadn't developed was a multiple personality.

That was just the beginning of my plunge into that internal abyss. Oh no, I hadn't even been that rudely awakened yet. It wasn't to say I didn't know something was there. But I was looking at it through a thickly frosted and smeared pane of glass. You simply lifted this so I could see, and I was shocked.

No, it wasn't until I began reading chapter after chapter of the after-effects, in detail, that I felt my guts wrench. For it was then that I had my eyes opened to just how much they stole from me. Your incredibly accurate descriptions of what goes on behind the compulsions, the fears, the rage, walking around feeling permanently defective and marked, the way it affects adult relationships, dropped my jaw. There were days I had to simply put your book down and walk away, it was so much to take in. It took me months to finish it, I even had to buy my own copy because my library wanted theirs back and I didn't finish it in time.

Here I had thought I was doing okay... when in truth I had merely stayed in a "safe" place where I couldn't - didn't want to - look any deeper. A place I know now was illusionary and would not have served me a long-term purpose, for a transparent sheet cannot keep down the demons that claw away at it. They will burst the membrane and come spewing out, and they would have eaten me alive if I hadn't been alerted to them.

Then you threw me another curve ball: These things in themselves, did not mean I was crazy. They were actually normal ways of coping in the abnormal and evil environment sexual abuse conceives. But once out of that environment I was left with coping mechanisms that don't work within healthy functioning realms... something I had already discovered within my marriage and in my relationships with my children.

He deserves a better wife, they deserve a better Mommy. But how was I to know where to begin if I did not even have my eyes opened until now?

I have had the lid taken off of a pit of hell I could not face or even see before your book, Ms. Blume. It is a pit filled with pure rage, pure pain, and pure grief. Mostly because in seeing how pervasive the tumor of incest is implanted within my being, I've begun wondering just who the hell I really am. Am I merely a bunch of wounds and symptoms? Some days it feels that way.

Lately my stomach is on fire from hurt and anger, and my head is buzzing heavily with emotional memories that I'd forced underground to survive years of abuse. There are days when it's all I can do to run from my desk or from my house, screaming and howling as I tear my hair out in clumps. I was an innocent child who was treated like rotted filth... every little girl should feel like they are a princess in their home, and I never had that.

But you know what? I couldn't be more grateful. You showed me that I was the only one who was "normal" in my family of origin where abuse ran rampant. What an irony for an autistic woman, who doesn't think much of herself most days, to hear this.

You also validated my having been abused by a close-age sibling as being incest, true abuse, when so many "experts" still refuse to see this as anything more than normal experimentation. Sure, they'll admit sibling abuse exists, but it doesn't "count" if you're less than a certain age difference, depending on where you life. Somehow, just because I came along sooner, suddenly I'm seen as a participant, no matter how many times I said no, and regardless of the fact that I went to my mother to make him stop.

In fact you described my situation, the fear and the mixture of confusion I felt, the power imbalance already at play, so dead-on I was speechless. I couldn't stop reading those few paragraphs over and over for the longest time.

Furthermore, I believe you cannot find a solution without knowing the problem, and knowing it intimately. Reading Secret Survivors handed me a mirror that couldn't have reflected this back to me any more clearly. It's almost to the point that I'm going to have to re-read all these wonderful books on healing and recovery that I've had my hands on over the past year. I suspect what they offer is going to appear different to me now.

Despite this hurricane of tumultuous emotions and despair, I have hope, because you've promised that is available to me. You provided no solutions, instead saying we must seek them through outside resources such as support groups and therapy. That is all right, though I do hope someday you will write a follow-up that answers the burning question of, "Now what?"

You have also encouraged survivors like me to speak out, and tell our story, so that we may get the world to wake up and see we cannot ignore this problem that rots and infests the family unit in a silent but fatal way. That includes in the court system, where 16 years after publishing your book, we appear to be no better at protecting children from the monsters who feel fit to breed their victims. I wish every family court system was required to read your words so they would understand the harm they do by insisting on visitations with parents who perpetrate, and family reunification after someone has been caught.

I have also experienced an unexpected result of reading your book: My husband and I are growing closer. I've found the courage to open up to him more about what really happened. He'd known I'd been abused but I'd never really told him everything the way I am now. In turn he has been unconditionally supportive, he has not told me to "get over it" and he is letting me slough off the layers of grief and pain at my own pace. I already knew he was a good man but just as I was not aware of the depth of my pain, I was also not aware of the depths of his love like I am now.

So, thank you Ms. Blume. While I have entered a valley of darkness since the day I opened your book, I also know that this will pass someday and then I will truly know what it is to walk in the sunshine that comes with taking back your life as your own, and truly surviving, in a way I will have never known before.

53 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars More than surviving, March 10, 2002

By	Oceana - See all my reviews

This review is from: Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women (Mass Market Paperback)

This is a wonderful book on the after effects of incest. It is healing and validating to know that my reactions are normal given what I have endured. I like that the after effects listed in this book are specific, and accurate to incest survivors (other books have lists that are too vague or universal). I have found this book to have a great balance between focusing on transcending our pasts while also acknowledging all of our feelings, troubles and after effects. I did not find this book to be angry or harsh (as some others are). Healing from incest is quite a journey. This book is a valuable resource that I re-read, highlight passages, and lend to friends who seek to understand incest. This book has so much in it: a section for partners, understanding and forgiving our mothers, honoring our survival skills, learning to understand and stop blaming ourselves, handling flashbacks and much more. This book has been a blessing in my life. It honors and re-educates us, who have been silenced, hurt, and disbelieved for far too long. E. Sue Blume has done a great service to us, and this world. I wish I could thank her myself.

I will end this review with a quote from Secret Survivors: "Facing a problem is a rebirth. Frequently, I am struck by the perfection of this symbolism with regard to many types of clients, but none more than the woman who is working to resolve the aftereffects of incest. Purifying a sin that was not hers, she becomes her own parent. How can we fail to celebrate the incest survivor? Through healing and finding her power, she is, like the phoenix, reborn." (p. 299)

Good Luck to you all on your journey towards peace and wholeness.

39 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read it once. Then read it again., July 28, 2000

By	Cathleen M. Walker "geminiwalker" (Massachusetts) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)

Read this book. If you are a survivor, or the partner or non-offending parent of a survivor, a sibling or a friend, this book provides powerful insight that can only enhance the healing process. I have now read it twice, and only got more out of it the second time. I did so much reading when I was first in recovery, 12 years ago, that I forgot where I learned what. I now know that the roots of my healing and the basis for the healthy, fulfilling relationships I have today can be attributed, primarily, to the truly valuable, readable and useful information in Secret Survivors. Read it once. Then read it again. You will not be sorry.