Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)

~ Dave Barry (Author) "Planning is a very important part of travel..." (more)
Key Phrases: pig parts, New York, Ever Need, Unit of Currency (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Dave describes the dark side of tourism with such comical precision that you'll wonder why you ever bother to leave the safety of your living room. For my money, nobody has ever produced a better snapshot of the Baggage Carousel, "where passengers traditionally gather at the end of a flight to spend several relaxing hours watching the arrival of luggage from some other flight, which comes randomly spurting out of a mysterious troll-infested tunnel that is apparently connected to another airport, possibly in a different dimension." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

A distinctly minor effort by the Miami Herald columnist and author of such previous successes as Dave Barry's Greatest Hits , this guide works too hard for comic effect. There are strained references to inedible airline food, a "Five Booger" ranking from the "Michelin Guide to How Snotty a Restaurant Is," Chicago as "The City with a Great Big Butt." There are tired gags, one involving the translation of a phrase about "the fish of your brother Raoul" and another about using the same map for downtown Vienna, London and Berlin. But the book is not completely devoid of laughs: "Akron: Meeting Yesterday's Challenges Tomorrow" is cited as a typical article from an airline magazine. There is a clever parody of a highway historical marker; and a discussion of the problem of locating a tree in Oregon that doesn't have an ecologist wrapped around it. The book, however, is hardly sidesplitting.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (March 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345431138
• ISBN-13: 978-0345431134
• Product Dimensions: 6.6 x 4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #20,465 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars You'll never leave home if you read this book, March 23, 2003

By	E. A. Lovitt "starmoth" (Gladwin, MI USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

It's a good thing that Dave Barry's travel guide is untranslatable into any language other than American. Otherwise we might have to go to war with all of those countries that he reported to be shaped like a large ketchup stain, or where he had to shell out 4,000 pfarthings to use the public restroom. Our author does not take such insults lightly. Nor does he expect you to. This guide is filled with such useful phrases as, "Mi (esposo, esposa) es been tramplado por toros," or "Tuo fratello Raoul dormi con los pesces."

Luckily, according to Dave, many foreign people speak our language. "Stick them up!" they'll say. "Please to be handing over your American Express traveler's checks! Don't leave home without them!"

There are lots of useful airline tips in this book, such as how to behave if your airplane is infested by demons, how to fit a lawn tractor into the overhead baggage compartment, and what do about the 475-pound man in the adjacent seat who has forearms the size of Roseanne. For those of you who are afraid of flying, the author very kindly takes time to explain how an airplane flies (I didn't know an airplane wing had ailerons AND halyards).

Dave doesn't just do Europe. He also takes on the fifty states ('Massachusetts is an Indian word meaning "place that is hard to spell"), Canada (which "boasts numerous goose-infested lakes"), and Mexico ("Unit of Currency - The Lambada"). I can't help wondering whether this book had anything to do with the current state of relations between ourselves and our closest neighbors.

Don't let your kids read this book right before a history or geography test, especially not Dave's highlighted "Facts at a Glance" boxes. Even I know that the unit of currency in Greece is not 'The Sheep." It's the 'minimum.'

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Never leave home without it. Actually, never leave home., January 14, 2003

By	E. A Solinas "ea_solinas" (MD USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)    (VINE VOICE)

This is the ideal book for anyone who was been left frothing and screaming in a plane that is "experiencing technical difficulties," or someone who is being forced to view large wads of culture in a foreign city, or has been dragged to Disney World by a small child. Dave Barry unleashes his frustrated commentary on the travel world in general, in one of his most hilarious books ever. (In general, the more frustrated Dave Barry is, the funnier he is)

He goes over various details of travelling, such as proper travel planning, travel checks ("A Lot of People Never Figure Out How to Cash Them"), car rentals, luggage ("... will hold two pairs of socks PLUS your dental floss"), and bribing nuns. Then we handle foreign languages, and he gives you a few useful phrases like "Sacre moo! Ce EST mon CHAT!" ("Holy cow! This [the food] IS my cat!"). Then it's air travel, where Barry vents his spleen on airport security, airport food, small children on planes, and tips for kids on how to have fun with security personnel. Then it's time for family fun, at Disney World where cheerful employees will make sure you have fun, or else.

He also gives you tips on the fifty states of the US, useful info and plenty of trivia. (For example, the Florida state seal shows a mosquito with a machine gun, and Iowa's Official State Motto is "You Bet!") He also handles other North American countries like Canada (which has cold air masses) and Mexico (Unit of Currency: The Lambada). He also briefly forays to Europe, where he lampoons various countries in turn. (Instructions: How to use a bidet) Then it's staying in a hotel, and if that isn't awful enough, camping out.

If you have a deep-rooted hate of airport security personnel, or you hate camping, or you hate being shortchanged in Austria, then this book is for you. Keep on writing, Mr. Barry, but you may want to rethink the book tours...

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This must be Barry's funniest book..., April 13, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Paperback)

I, like another reviewer below, was also introduced to Dave Barry through this book. It really is impossible to not laugh out loud while reading it. (Just thinking about it is making me laugh right now.) Some of the highlights of the book are Dave's summary of Walt Disney World ("do not fall out of the tram without first coming to a full and complete stop..."), his thoughts about flying and airports ("...in fact, when travelers aren't walking through the detectors, the security personnel use them to cook their lunch..."), and how to correctly fold a suit for packing (first, lay the suit on a flat surface, such as a tennis court...). Well, I guess I don't do justice to him. The innumerable charts and drawings only make you laugh even more. Be sure to read the Facts at a Glance for all the European countries.