The Lively Shadow: Living with the Death of a Child (Hardcover)

~ Donald M. Murray (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this deeply felt, nicely written reminiscence, Murray, a Pulitzer Prize- winning journalist, explains how he never truly recovered from the death of Lee, the second of his three daughters. Although he touched on this loss in My Twice-Lived Life: A Memoir, he now fully explores how Lee's unexpected death from Reye's Syndrome, at the age of 20, changed his life forever. Murray and his wife, Minnie Mae, were away in Vermont when they got the call that Lee was being taken to the hospital with a high fever. After four desperate days it became apparent that she would be one of the 20% who could not recover from this condition. He and Minnie Mae gave permission to have Lee's life support disconnected. In heart-wrenching prose, Murray describes days of mourning marked by his need to tell the story of Lee's death over and over. He recounts the details of her short time on earth, and-through his words and the papers Lee left behind-a young talented musician on the brink of fulfilling her dreams springs to life. Although the author is initially shocked when a neighbor who has lost a son tells him "It won't get any better," he comes not only to agree with this prediction, but to be grateful for it. Murray writes that he now understands that he can accept Lee's death, not by forgetting, but only by continuing to live each day, loving his family and celebrating the commonplace occurrences of daily life in her memory.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Although it has been 25 years since Murray lost his 20-year-old daughter, Lee, to Reye's syndrome, she lives by his side as a lively shadow. She never ages, never changes from the young woman he feels he barely had enough time to know. In this touching memoir, Murray talks about the grueling days when he and his family watched and waited helplessly as their beloved daughter and sister sank ever closer to death. He recounts the subsequent years as he struggled to make sense of the tragic loss. Wondering whether he will ever get over her death, he eventually decides that although remembering may be painful, it is far better than forgetting. "The gift left by [the death of] a child," he writes, "is always a heightened awareness of life." Not a religious man, Murray finds solace in the way he interprets the meaning of a life. His story is valuable because he explores the universal feelings parents have about their children and proffers hope to all who have lost a loved one. Donna Chavez
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; 1 edition (February 4, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345449843
• ISBN-13: 978-0345449849
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,327,703 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Grief and Hope, April 11, 2003

By	Thomas Joyce "Dr. Tom" (Washington, DC United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is a serious book, but, in no sense, a depressing one. It is an extraordinary guide for all of us who know grief in our lives, and for all of us--no one escapes it if they live any kind of life at all--who are going to be in contact with others experiencing grief.

You will come away from this book with hope, not melancholy. You will learn about handling grief, which is part of life, and, maybe, you will even learn how to be something more than just an emotional sounding board for those around you during the immediate aftermath of tragedy.

In recent days, the husband of someone I didn't know very well was killed in an accident. Murray's book helped me to better handle hearing from this woman elaborate details about the wonderful life and the tragic death, and to be more adequately prepared for the sudden--often unexpected--expressions of fury. By the way, you aren't going to find those elaborate details in Murray's book, and certainly not the fury.

I heartily recommend this book to all of us who have known grief, and to all of us who will know it in the future, and, just as important, to all of us who have known and will know people in grief.