I'm OK-You're OK (Mass Market Paperback)

~ Thomas Harris (Author) "Throughout history one impression of human nature has been consistent: that man has a multiple nature..." (more)
Key Phrases: crossed transactions, probability estimating, neurotic process, Transactional Analysis, New York, United States (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

"Happy childhood" notwithstanding, most of us are living out the NOT OK feelings of a defenseless CHILD wholly dependent on OK others for stroking and care. By the third year of life, says Dr. Harris, most of us have made the unconscious decision I'M NOT OK-YOU'RE OK. This negative Life Position, shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational ADULT potential -- leaving us vulnerable to the inappropriate, emotional reactions of our CHILD and the uncritically learned behavior programmed into our PARENT.

In personal Transactions, NOT OK people resort to harmful withdrawal, rituals, activities, pastimes, and games for getting needed strokes while avoiding painful intimacy with people they see as OK.

Dr. Thomas A. Harris's pioneering work in Transactional Analysis has had a fundamental impact on our understanding of interpersonal behavior. In showing us how to make the conscious decision I'M OK-YOU'RE OK, he has helped millions of despairing people find the freedom to change, to liberate their ADULT effectiveness, and to achieve joyful intimacy with the people in their lives.

About the Author

The late Thomas Harris was a Navy psychiatrist and a professor at the University of Arkansas. He practiced psychiatry in Sacramento, California and directed the Transactional Analysis Association.

Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Avon; First Edition edition (April 1, 1976)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 038000772X
• ISBN-13: 978-0380007721
• Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #158,673 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

50 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Deep insight on the inner workings of relationships., April 6, 2003

By	Harinath Thummalapalli (Austin, TX United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Using the Transactional Analysis theory first introduced by Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Thomas A. Harris has published the results of his pioneering work in this best selling book. This is probably one of the best books that explains how to use this theory in improving all kinds of personal relationships.

Dr. Harris starts off by going into the history of Transactional Analysis and the theories of those before Dr. Eric Berne. The second chapter explains the basic of Transactional Analysis which is the concept of the Parent, Adult, and Child ego states that are supposed to compose each and every one of our personalities. The Parent ego state contains all the information we accept as true that we have gathered from authority figures including our parents. The Adult ego state is the collection of all information that we have proven to ourselves as being true (using some sort of logic). The Child ego state is our natural good and bad side of feelings - love, anger, greed, empathy, etc. The author extensively uses the phrase P-A-C (Parent-Adult-Child) through the rest of the book.

Dr. Harris then introduces the concept of the four different life positions that each of us adopts at any given time. All of us apparently go through four life positions ending up with the last one in a sequential manner except some of us get stuck in the earlier stages (this results in problems that typically need therapy). These four positions are -

1. I'm Not OK, You're OK
2. I'm Not OK, You're Not OK
3. I'm OK, You're Not OK
4. I'm OK, You're OK

The next few chapters of the book focus on the fact that we can change no matter what stage we are stuck in and the theory behind how to change. The chapters after that focus on a few specific types of relationships - with spouses, children and adoloscents. There is then a chapter discussing when treatment is necessary and the book wraps up with a couple of chapters on P-A-C with regards to moral values and social implications of P-A-C. These last two chapters are more subjective and probably the author's personal views at that time. I have typically tried to take the information in these two chapters with a grain of salt.

Overall, this is an excellent book on using Transactional Analysis in improving your relationships with the most important people of your life. I found this book easier to read than 'Born to Win' or some of the original works by Dr. Eric Berne. This seems to be a common sentiment among those who have read and like books on Transactional Analysis. More than most self-help books out there, this book promises to lead to the most amount of positive changes. This is probably due to the systematic approach that is followed through out the book and the fact that it is very easy to follow and implement at almost any age.

Enjoy this life altering book!

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A very good book., November 21, 2002

By	Steven Bailey (Phoenix, Az United States) - See all my reviews

I read this book, and I would have to say that it is one of the best tools in understanding how and why people act the way that they do. I work with the public every day, and was at my wit's end with my customers and the way that they act. After reading this book I have a deeper understanding of their and my inner workings and have found my work life to be more productive and less confrontational. Great book.

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It works, July 4, 2000

By	Artem Naumov (Moscow, Russia, [e-mail]) - See all my reviews

This is a must read for people who want to understand themselves and other people better. I agree that the idea of child-adult-parent may not reflect the exact way how our brains work but it provides an easy-understandable terminilogy to describe and think about our behaviour. The most interesting thing in any reading is not just getting some information but thinking about what you read and this book opens you a new way to do it. It really works for me, thanks to Thomas Harris and Eric Berne.