You Are the Message (Paperback)

~ (Author), Jon Kraushar (Collaborator) "It occurred to me as the last iron door clanged shut behind me: "Nobody's ever going to break out of this place..." (more)
Key Phrases: composite message, likable people, control the atmosphere, New York, The Mike Douglas Show, Wall Street (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A first-class book that takes you behind the podiums with the big names in politics and industry. Don't say a word until you get through this one." --The Wall Street Journal

Accomplished Media Master Reveals Deepest Secrets of Powerful Communication in a Brilliant Bestseller

"...on the money when it comes to the techniques of public speaking...interesting reading, just as Ailes himself is an interesting man." --Sam Donaldson, ABC TV coanchor of "Prime Time Live" and ABC News correspondent

"...practical, sensible and entertaining...a wonderful store of anecdotes...Ailes, unlike so many self-help book authors, has a record of success to back up his advice." --Miami Herald

"...one of the best books I've ever read." --Marvin Kitman, media critic, Newsday

"...here is truly the chance of a lifetime with one of the best speech coaches in America." --CNN

"...a tremendous help for somebody who wants to go out--or has to go out--and communicate." --ABC Talkradio

Product Description

"You are the message." What does that mean, exactly? It means that when you communicate with someone, it's not just the words you choose to send to the other person that make up the message. You're also sending signals about what kind of person you are--by your eyes, your facial expression, your body movement, your vocal pitch, tone, volume, and intensity, your commitment to your message, your sense of humor, and many other factors.

The receiving person is bombarded with symbols and signals from you. Everything you do in relation to other people causes them to make judgments about what you stand for and what your message is. "You are the message" comes down to the fact that unless you identify yourself as a walking, talking message, you miss that critical point.

The words themselves are meaningless unless the rest of you is in synchronization. The total you affects how others think of and respond to you.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Broadway Business (August 20, 1989)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385265425
• ISBN-13: 978-0385265423
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #81,631 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

38 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Identity based communication. Great basics., May 13, 2002

By	GraberDC (Denville, NJ United States) - See all my reviews

Some key points:

The assessment of you that's formed in the first 7 seconds creates a lasting impression of you in anothers mind.

Communication starts with good conversation.
Television has set the style of communication for today - relaxed, informal, crisp,quick,entertaining.It has made us impatient- make your point quick and interesting. Be visual.

You are The Message:
We are the message no matter what the medium.
Take a personal inventory of your asets that help you communicate
A good communicator takes responsibilty for the flow of communication.
Audiences respond to visual over verbal signals.
Make read speeches look conversational.
Test your powers of observation and description.
Review your past performances and communications and figure out how you would improve it.

Be natural, don't force an emotion.
Model the best professional communicators.
Perception counts more than content.
Record yourself on video and audio in interactions.Evaluate your performance.

4 Essentials of a Great Communicator:
1. Be Prepared
- your audience must have confidence that you know what you're talking about, and feel you know more about your topic than they do.
- you should appear that you have been thorough in researching your topic and analyzing the audience.
- you should be purposefull- goal is to inform, entertain, inspire, or all three.
- hostile or skeptical audience- show understanding of all side sof an issue
- supportive audience- reaffirm shared values
- be relaxed, calm, maintain a sense of humor, take your work seriously, avoid criticizing and disagreeable behavior, empathize.

2. Make Others Comfortaable
3. Be Committed- know what you are saying and why, and care about saying it.
4. Be Interesting- Use analogies from other fields, metaphors, visuals, technology, etc. At least 30% of your reading should be from beyond your own field.

The Magic Bullet: Being Likable.
-Likable people are optimistic, concerned about other people's welfare, see opportunity in difficulty, handle stress, laughs easily (especially at himself), perform well in crises, humble in prosperity.

The Double-Edged Sword: Emotion
- you reveal yourself to your audience through visible and expressed emotion.
- people want to see a range of a speaker's emotions expressed with committment and colored with humor, sincerity, energy, and enthusiasm.
- facts provide information, emotions provide interpretation. Alternate facts with genuine emotions- balance head and heart issues..
- Success= integrity+talent+good communication skills

Beyond Charisma:
-Charismatic personalities never doubt their ability to add value to a situation through their presence, prestige, style, competence, optimism, and/or enthusiasm.
- Charisma is the ability to cause other people to respond to you.
- Winners set the tone and climate as opposed to reacting to the climate and tone set by others. They control space, time, tempo, pace, voice, eye contact, flow of dialogue, emotional tone, and topic. This occurs through assertion of skill, personality, knowledge, belief, energy, and enthusiasm.
-Charisma quotient measures self-confidence, leadership qualities, definable goals, control of one's life, and the attitudes of making oneself and others feel comfortable.

An ounce of energy is worth more than a pound of technique.

The essential responsibility of any employee is to be positive, enthusiastic, and friendly. Advancement comes mainly from communication and motivation skills.

No one can manufacture an image for anyone. All a consultant can do is advise and guide you on capitalizing on your personal assets.

Have an "At-Your-Best" checklist to know how to et yourself into peak performance.

Audiences remember concepts (idea clusters formed by words) and emotional expressions.

Fears of failure and embarrassment are the biggest stops most people have to doing things.

Insecure communicators see themselves as worse than they are.

Antidotes to fear are preparation and use of energy in delivery.

Media relations:
-Safest way to deal with the press is to not make off-the -record statements. Avoid wisecracks. Give true and complete information.
- You are always on the defense with media, but you caan use it to score.
- Never go into an interview unprepared. Stay composed at all times.
- Have an agenda with at least 3 major points you want to mention in the interview.
- Don't go beyond the bounds of your stated position.
- Be friendly, brief, direct, and positive. Explain things in layman's terms.
- Answer the question and add a point(s) from your agenda.
- Be aware of the reporters agenda.
- You're not obliged to reveal confidential information, but give a rational explanation why, not "No comment".

In the end, we're all human and vulnerable, so show that side of yourself and you'll gather sympathy and rapport.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great book for anyone who does a lot of public speaking!, August 14, 2004

By	Chris Forbes "gmnonprofits.com" (Oklahoma) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: You Are the Message (Paperback)

Helps you understand how to present yourself better in public, on camera, etc. I really liked his listening tips. I think listening is the lost art of evangelism. You have to learn to listen if you are going to become good at marketing.

Take a look at these tips to help you become a better listener from the book:

1. Relax and clear your mind if someone is speaking to you, so that you're receptive to what they're saying.

2 Never assume that you have heard correctly because the first few words have taken you in a certain direction. Most listening mistakes are made by people who only hear the first few words of a sentence, finish the sentence in their own minds, and miss the second half.

3. Learn to speed up your point of contact as a listener. The second you hear a sound coming from another person concentrate quickly on the first few words. That will get you started correctly.

4. Don't tune out a speaker just because you don't like his or her looks, voice, or general demeanor. Stay open to new information.

5. Don't overreact emotionally to the speaker's words or ideas--especially those that may run contrary to your usual thinking. Hear the other person out.

6. Before forming a conclusion, let the speaker complete his or her thought. Then evaluate by distinguishing in your mind specific evidence presented (good) verses generalities (bad).

7. Part of listening is writing things down that are important. You should always have a piece of paper, a pencil, a notebook, or a card in your pocket. Throughout the day many important things will be discussed. Take notes to listen, to remember later, and to document, if necessary.

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars High Energy Focused Positively in the First 7 Seconds, December 9, 2000

By	Professor Donald Mitchell "Jesus Makes Me a P... (Boston) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)

The world is full of speaking coaches, but probably no one has a better track record for success than Roger Ailes. You may remember that Mr. Ailes helped President Reagan prepare for the critical second debate against former Vice President Walter Mondale in 1984 (". . . I promise not to hold his youth and inexperience against him"), and was a senior media advisor to Vice President Bush in the successful 1988 election campaign. His advice is to keep it as simple as possible for the speaker by building on the speaker's own natural conversational patterns, while accentuating the positive in communicating, avoiding the negative, and adding lots of directed energy.

Mr. Ailes is a great story teller, and he builds his key points with punchy, personal examples. For example, to establish his key principle about making an impression in the first 7 second you are with someone, he tells about meeting Charles Manson in prison and facing him down with steely eye contact. Manson looked away first. Afterwards, Manson was a willing interview subject. A second story builds the point by describing how a subway stick-up gang extorted money from those showing fearful body language by intimidating them.

Even if the book's message was not so important, it would be worthwhile reading the book for the many wonderful stories.

Mr. Ailes' basic point is to break down the art of face-to-face and televised communication into the most important elements. He encourages you to emphasize the unspoken dialogue . . . by how you use your body and respond to what others say. Listeners pay much more attention to the body language and to the emotion they feel from you than to the intellectual content of the message. This accentuated on television. Hit the mute button on your remote, and watch people talking to see his point.

The whole advice could be boiled down to "keep your conversational style. Increase the energy." In doing this, it helps to be prepared, make others comfortable, be interesting, be committed, be likeable, and be helpful. Whatever the circumstances, he advises controlling the emotional tone of the communication.

The book contains many helpful lists including one on the ten things that most hurt communications, such as not establishing adequate rapport in the beginning, or making stiff body movements.

The end of the book contains a helpful user's guide that outlines all of the key points.

I thought that the best advice for improving was to practice watching yourself on video tape, and evaluating your effectiveness along the lines of what Mr. Ailes suggests. The book also contains many excellent exercises for becoming better at deciding what to do as well as implementing your desires.

When I first began making television appearances 20 years ago, I had the benefit of speech coaching. I can certainly agree that the advice here matches well with the experiences that I have had over the 20 years since then, and vastly simplifies what I learned during that coaching. I highly recommend this advice both for its accuracy, and for the relative ease you will feel in implementing it.

After you use this valuable advice to become a much better communicator, I suggest that you think about what is important to you, what you are committed to, and what you can be interesting about. How much time are you spending to communicating with others about those matters? Perhaps you should also focus on getting the message out more . . . as well as improving your delivery of the message.

Be yourself . . . more energetically . . . and help more people!