Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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65 of 66 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Sex is More Than Physical. This is a Life Enhancing Book!, May 21, 2004
Note: This is not a book about the actual techniques of sex, but deals with your most powerful sexual organ - your mind.....as he quotes Ann Aldrich, "If the psyche is unwilling, no amount of technique can persuade it; and if the psyche is willing, no lack of technique can dissuade it."
This book is about more than Sex, it is about relationships - married and single - religious or not. I am so glad that I did not let the things that I disagree about with Shmuley Boteach to keep me from reading this book. He is a Chasidic Rabbi (Chasidic is Orthodox, but what some incorrectly call "Ultra Orthodox"), though he doesn't really sound like what one might expect (if you are worried about that). Both my husband and I read it and I can't believe what a change it has caused in our lives! We are observant Jews and so we keep the Jewish laws pertaining to family purity which are very rewarding, but this book added insight that was very useful for us. My husband has become more expressive of his affections, we've grown closer together and even our lovemaking is more intimate and enjoyable than ever.
This book isn't only for Jews, but is extremely accessible and candid - and never offensive. He doesn't get into intimate details of the bedroom that one might be embarrassed by. His ideas are very well reasoned and come across as very thoughtful. I found it a thoroughly useful and fascinating book. Most chapters are around 5 pages long. Some shorter, some longer, but they get right to the point and don't go on and on. My attention was sustained throughout. I read a lot of books and am rarely really impressed (especially by books on sex and marriage) and don't recommend books to my friends that often, but this one I've already started recommending. This covers things that my other books on Sex and Marriage (Jewish, Christian or Secular) don't touch or just don't know how to deal with.
BTW, a reviewer said that he doesn't advocate anything other than the missionary position and not things like having the light on. I did not see anything of the sort in this book, but I know that it is a widely believed myth that Orthodox believe that way. Boteach even advocates sex toys if they are supportive of your relationship. So don't worry that you are going to be told what to do. He presents reasons why he doesn't like pornography and masterbation but he isn't preachy.
Because this book isn't only about sex as the physical act itself I think I aught to give you an idea of the Table of Contents. Part one is "Sex File" with the chapters called, "Lust and Commitment", "Sex and Doing What's Expected", "The Myth of Compatibility", "Sex and Traditional Thought", and "Love, Lust, and Intimacy".
Part Two is "Sexual Techniques: The Mechanics of Sex" with chapters called, "Can Men and Women Really Enjoy Sex Together?", "Is There a Kosher Kama Sutra?", "Your Spouse: A Friend or Lover?", "Is Oral Sex Wrong?", "Married People and Masturbation", "Should Sex Be Used to Mend Bridges?", "Sex, When to Refuse It", "Does Size Matter?", "What about Pornography?", "Lights, On or Off", "Is Prostitution a Safe Option?", "Sadomasochism", and "Orthodox Sex, a Hole in a Sheet?"
Part Three is "Sex for Single People" with chapters called, "Do Singe People Have More Fun?", "Is Marriage a Mere Symbol?", "Career or Marriage?", "Holding Out for the Best", "Choosing a Spouse", What If You Drive Each Other Crazy?", "Why Should We Marry At All?", "Marriage, a Relationship Based on Fragility", and "Why Parental Love Ceases to be Sufficient."
Part Four is "Marriage and Divorce" with chapters called, "Is Divorce Ever a Good Thing?", "Your Spouse's Impossible Flaws", "Adultery, Such Fun?", "Becoming Desirable Again", "Kosher Desires", "Children, Yes or No?", "Do the Children Come First?"
Part Five is "Kosher Sex: A Recipe" with chapters called, "Jealousy", "Mystery", "Romance", "Depth", and "Friends and Family".
The last part is called "The Final Word" with parts called, "Climbing the Mountain", "Checklist for Marriage", and "Kosher Sex in a Nutshell".
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21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Men, read this!, February 5, 2006
This is a must read for all men, the younger you are when you read this, the happier you will be. This book helped me to reflect on my own life and articulate more clearly to myself and my wife the importance of our sex life. Men are taught early own that sex is all about pleasure and gratification. With this limited view, we are often left wanting more and more, never feeling satisfied.
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27 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Inspiring!, April 22, 2000
From page one, this book's inspirational idealism soars off the page and into your heart! Love, says Boteach, gives us vision - love makes it possible for us to see how each individual person really is special. At the same time, says Boteach, the way to cultivate love is to show those we love how truly special they are to us. In marriage, one way to show love is to save our sexual energy for our spouse alone. For sex has a special role in cultivating love. If we open ourselves to the magic of eros, we come to know our partners' essential selves. For during sex, words, wealth, professional success, fashion sense, you name it, are all irrelevant.I would quibble with many of the details that emerge in Boteach's case studies, for (1) his perspective is definitely a masculine one and (2) he believes too strongly that committed sex will lead to love and that love almost always will solve serious marital problems. But if you read the book in order to be set afire by its main point, and don't take it as a step by step manual for marriage, it's a GREAT read. Its magic stuck with me for weeks.
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