The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again-and Stay There (Hardcover)

~ Mark Goulston M.D. (Author), Philip Goldberg (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"In reality we don't fall out of love," writes Mark Goulston, M.D. "Rather, love falls out of us, like the floors of a building whose foundation crumbles." If you're in a relationship that has lost its magic, The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship aims to rekindle your heart by teaching you a process of examining, discussing, and fixing your relationship.

The first letters of each of the six secrets make the acronym CREATE: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust, and empathy. Goulston maintains that relationship problems are caused by a breakdown in one or more of these elements, but if you strengthen the supporting structure in these overlapping areas, you can restore your passion and romance and discover "a new, mature love that surpasses in depth and intimacy all your romantic memories." Whatever the specific problems in your relationship, he says, improving these six areas will help restore your bond.

The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship is like couples therapy in a book. You and your partner will want to work through specific chapters together, which you'll return to often for guidance. You'll learn warning signs that your relationship is in trouble in one or more of these areas, how to communicate about it, and how to repair and renew the relationship. Goulston includes self-tests, exercises, and many anecdotes that illustrate his points. Eye-catching quotes pepper the chapters, such as, "Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions," (Woody Allen) and "Men always want to be a woman's first love--women like to be a man's last romance" (Oscar Wilde).

Goulston is a board-certified psychiatrist and a well-known relationship advisor who has conducted 10,000-plus hours of couples therapy. Goulston and coauthor Philip Goldberg also wrote Get out of Your Own Way. --Joan Price

From Publishers Weekly

In an intelligent if unexciting work that benefits from Goulston's 25 years as a psychiatrist, he observes that relationship problems stem from a breakdown of any of the six essential traits he's grouped under the acronym CREATE: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy. For each trait, he offers self-evaluations and exercises that elicit open dialogue between partners working together, in either written or verbal form. Though he sprinkles the text with pithy ideas he calls "Usable Insights" (e.g., "Constantly asking your partner to tell you you're attractive is unattractive"), the heart of the book is in its fictionalized accounts of real-life cases. Many of these stories are genuinely moving, though some are too easily resolved; overall, they effectively illustrate the issues. Though Goulston apparently wants to counter John Gray's gender characterizations by declaring that men and women are not from different planets, but from earth, he still serves up some stereotypes (e.g., men who resort to type as sullen and withdrawn; women who are critical and demanding). Some of his comments about sex may raise some eyebrows (he connects the availability of Internet porn to a "masturbation epidemic among married men"). This solid effort should appeal to mature couples willing to do the work he suggests to shore up long-term marriages. (Feb.)Forecast: The lack of a gimmick or obvious sales handle will make this book harder to sell in the crowded relationship market, though that may give it some durability in the long run. A first serial to Ladies Home Journal and Goulston's syndicated column at lifescape.com will insure exposure at publication.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Putnam Adult; F edition (January 25, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0399147039
• ISBN-13: 978-0399147036
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #411,442 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Uncommonly Real and Riveting, February 16, 2001

By	Tony J. Trupiano (Dearborn Heights, MI USA) - See all my reviews

Dr.Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg have recaptured the magic of their first book, "Get Out of Your Own Way." The tone and "voice" of " Secrets" presents in aclear and honest manner real life ways to begin to heal and rebuild a wanted relationship.

The scene is set in each chapter with questions designed to force you to not only look in, but look from the inside out. If there was ever a text that so deserves to be read by every intimate couple, this is it.

The examples and testimonials bring the advice to life, and the advice is well thought out and obviously honest and workable. Unlike so many booksthat try to reframe our way of thinking about our relationships, "6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship" assist you in working with what is already there and perhaps not understood well enough by the reader to move forward. The intimacy of reading and responding to advice is one of the many joys of reading. Surely having a book like this brings us much closer to our own solutions, and more importantly, closer to the one we love.

Read this book with the knowing that the words, advice, stories, and solutions work. Read it as well with hope and faith. There is something here to help anyone who needs it.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars WE STOPPED GOING TO MARITAL THERAPY AND USED THIS BOOK, November 6, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (Paperback)

We've saved thousands of dollars in marital therapy by using this book. The most amazing thing about it is to follow Goulston's suggestion to take the quizzes at the beginning of each section on how to CREATE love (Chemistry, Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust, Empathy) and more importantly to then answer them the way you think your partner would answer them. Then exchange what you have written down and marvel at how little you really understand each other and then start to heal when you correct the misunderstandings. It's absolutely magical. Even men will get into it because you get the sense Goulston's a guy's guy, but is so without offending women. Run to buy this one!

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Best Guide Ever to Bring Back Love and Loving, June 27, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (Paperback)

Dr. Goulston's book made so much sense to my husband, felt so right to me, and was extremely doable for both of us. It helped us recognize when and where the great things disappeared from our life and more importantly gave us a way to bring them back. Skeptical as were, this book really can help you to fall back in love again and stay there.