Why Men Leave (Paperback)

~ (Author) "Women always want marriage..." (more)
Key Phrases: why men leave, fantasy lover, Garden of Eden, New York, Gerald Epstein (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

This eye-opening report on modern relationships will change the way women think about men by revealing what men really think about women.

"What went wrong?" After a relationship ends--whether it's a twenty-year marriage or a promising romance that proves to be disappointingly fleeting--women ask this question, again and again. They ask themselves, their girlfriends, their therapists. In this revealing, intimate book, Brenda Shoshanna asks the men themselves--and provides some startling and enlightening answers. Drawing on hundreds of interviews, Shoshanna presents men's own words and perspectives to explore the varied reasons that relationships fall apart--and to provide insight into what can, and cannot, be fixed. This unique book offers new takes on the issues that divide so many couples--and new hope for greater understanding in the future. Subjects include * the fear of commitment * the ghosts of past relationships * the midlife crisis * competition with in-laws * waiting for the perfect lover * the fantasy woman * women who can't be satisfied * the repetition compulsion * the other woman * seeking the Garden of Eden * the need for adventure and growth * the need to control * daring to love again

* Introduces the "Turnaround Procedure"--a technique women can use to avoid relationship pitfalls
* Women crave more communication from men--this book lets them hear what men themselves have to say about relationship problems
* Covers a wide range of issues, from the commonly recognized (fear of commitment or the midlife crisis) to the more unusual and surprising (competition with in-laws or the need to control)

Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Perigee Trade (June 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0399525068
• ISBN-13: 978-0399525063
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.1 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #712,652 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

54 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Truly Insightful, March 29, 2000

By	Gayle Lukeman (Colorado) - See all my reviews

Dr. Shoshanna has written a book filled with insight (sometimes alarmingly so) of the way men who leave think about themselves and the women they are attracted to. Directly from their own words I came to understand that some men covet their fantasies so much that they could not possibly be in a real relationship. Other men express how their pain from past experiences keeps them so defended they could not be present either. Some men prefer adventure and others want to recapture the energy from their past. She has covered a wide range of perspectives.

One thing women can learn from this book is that what they did and who they are is probably not to blame for why men leave them. It's more likely that they unknowingly pick men who were never really their in the first place. By reading this book they can begin to recognize these men before getting too involved and save themselves the pain.

Men can learn to understand their own feelings better, help them through rough spots and gain insight when they are tempted to leave a good relationship or tempted to stay in a bad one.

Dr. Shoshanna's insights and commentary along the way help to clarify the pattern. And she offers helpful suggestions to women and men in a particular situation or working with a certain pattern.

This is a unique presentation of men's thinking and feeling. I found it fascinating. I read it from cover to cover.

83 of 90 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Where in the world did the author find these guys!, August 1, 2001

By A Customer

This is coming from a man who was given this book by a friend as a joke. I can't believe the whiners that show up as her case studies! The author makes men seem so shallow "what man wouldn't appreciate a beautiful wife by his side". What is that?! As a man, I appreciate the woman who has stood by my side for 15 years. I appreciate her laughter, her anger, her spirit, her drive, and of course her love. I have been asked the age-old question many times "Would you still love me when my looks fade?" My answer is from my heart and soul and it is always "I will love you for who are, and what you will always mean to me." These simple heartfelt words are what my father had said to my mother, and they were together till they died. Marriage is not always perfect, but if you have someone who is as screwed up as the guys in this book, go out and find a real man. There are alot of them out there looking for a good woman. This book by no means, describes entire male population. There are "Men who Don't Leave", and "Men who when they say I Do, mean it for the rest of their lives" Just avoid the whiners, and the losers. Good Luck! By the way, if you are one of those "Men who Leave" Grow-up! You are the only one who you can blame your unhappiness on. Have the courage to stay and make it better! Real men don't run away. I don't see that line anywhere in the book, but it needed it.

53 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An Illuminating Experience, May 5, 2000

By A Customer

As a man, this is not normally the type of book I would buy. But so many men referred it to me, I had to see what it was about. Rarely have I encountered a book so compassionate to both men and women, and so filled with profound psychological, philosophical and spiritual truths. Don't be swayed by its popular title: this is as profound and meaningful book as one could hope to find, and as important to men as was IRON JOHN. It gave me deep insights into the male psyche that I had never considered before, and kept me up half the night with its engrossing stories. If you read one book on psychology or relationships this year, this should be it.