Who Cares What You're Supposed to Do? Breaking the Rules to Get What You Want in Love, Life, and Work (Paperback)

~ (Author), Carla Fine (Author) "MEETING AND MARRYING the man of my dreams is something I've wanted for as long as I can remember," says Dana, a twenty-seven-year-old teacher from..." (more)
Key Phrases: pressure from the expectation, challenge the expectation, Follow the Rules, Los Angeles, New York (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This advice book isn’t as naughty as it sounds: Dickerson is a clinical psychologist with years of experience working with women in their 20s and early 30s, and her goal is to help them free themselves from others’ expectations. Friendly and understanding, she encourages young women to trust their intuition about what they want and to identify their own values. They might even find that they want what society proposes for them (say, marriage or a career), but they should be empowered to achieve these things on their own terms, Dickerson says. Chapter by chapter, she deals with the commands that weigh down young women (Get a Man, Look Good, Be Thin, etc.) and shows them how to apply her four steps: name the problem, understand and challenge the expectation, recognize your own values, and find allies against self-doubt. Breaking the rules isn’t as easy as it sounds, but with Dickerson’s warm support, young women may have an easier time accepting themselves and their own choices.
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Product Description

Women in their twenties and early thirties face greater pressure to succeed than ever before. And those who don't "have it all" can be left feeling guilty, full of doubt, and resentful because they don't have:

€ A fabulous career
€ Financial independence
€ A husband and children
€ Their own home
€ A busy social life
€ A great body
€ AND the ability to do it all...right now!

For women who are tired of hearing what they're "supposed to" be doing, this inspiring guide can help them fight back against the pressure, and find their own priorities. Nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist Victoria C. Dickerson shows women in their 20s and 30s how to put the world's expectations into perspective and see them as the wonderful options and opportunities they can be.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Perigee Trade (August 3, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0399529993
• ISBN-13: 978-0399529993
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #729,584 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Addresses the Real Issues We Women Face, August 7, 2004

By	S. Hogan (Orange County, CA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I had the opportunity to read this book before publication and I recommend it highly. I am a 31 year old woman and feel all of the pressures Dr. Dickerson addresses in this book. Feminism has been great--women have come so far since the 60s and 70s--but unfortunately, it's brought along a lot of baggage. Sure, women CAN do anything, but nowadays the message is that women HAVE to do EVERYthing--AND do it all before you're 35. A fabulous career, gorgeous spouse and children, your own home, total financial independence, a great body, and friends straight from an episode of Sex and the City--if you don't have all these and more, something must be wrong with you.

This book is fantastic because it doesn't try to tell you that you shouldn't have these things, it teaches you how to achieve what YOU want on YOUR terms. It helps you define what your goals are, not what society expects you to have, and how to find yourself in all of these expectations. We've all been hit with self-doubt. For example, I wondered why, if my job was so "good for me and my career," did I hate it? And was this guy someone I really wanted or did I just feel pressured because it was "time to get married?" In one case I "broke the rules" (chucking the high-powered career) and in another case, I followed right along (getting married), but in both cases this is what was right for ME.

Life is full of choices and pressures. Breaking the Rules gives you a guide to working through those pressures to find what you really want, deep in your heart, and the confidence to make choices that are right for you. Dr. Dickerson's deceptively simple 4 steps give you an opportunity to step back from the situation, find your voice, and follow through with it.

I'm not the kind of person who reads self-help books. I hate being talked down to, insipid advice about things that the author clearly has no clue about, and being told by the author what I should or shouldn't do. Breaking the Rules is none of these. Dr. Dickerson's extensive experience shows through in her realistic, non-didactic take on what we women face these days. I highly recommend this book to any woman in her 20s or 30s who wonders if she's doing the right things for the right reasons. Breaking the Rules is a great gift for your daughter, your sister, your friend, or yourself.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Book for Mothers and Daughters, August 20, 2004

By	Sharon Cullers - See all my reviews

What a comforting, pragmatic book. As a child of the 60's and the birth of feminism, it has been so difficult to watch my 22 year old daughter and all the stress that she has lived with. The chapters address each issue:Get a Man, Have a Career,Make It on Your Own, Look Good, Be Thin, Be Popular, Leave the Nest and Follow The Rules. The fail out of feminism is that today's young women feel they have to do it all. (The message was suppose to be feel free to make your own choices.) This book provides young women with the tools to put everything in perspective. I used to tell my daughter she should take a yoga class. Now I will give her the book.
P.S. As a mom I really like the pages that propose using your mother as one of your allies!

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not Just For Young Women, October 18, 2004

By	Melissa "Melissa" (Virginia, USA) - See all my reviews

This book is for all women: young, middle, and more. Dickerson aims her liberating ideas at women in their 20's. But who among us has completely quieted the voices to follow the rules that limit our lives? This book turns on the lights, bringing the "rules" -and other options- into bold relief so that we can make our own clear choices. Once choices are made, we learn how we can implement newness, gather allies, and protect our progress against self-doubt.
Dickerson says that the wisdom she shares comes not from psychological theories, but from years of hours of listening to women she works with in therapy. This rings true in the stories she shares of ordinary people making extraordinary changes in their lives. She listens with an empathic and optimistic ear and we too, through this reading, can listen to our lives with an optimistic ear, seeing opportunities and options that we could not see before.
It was a good read for me at mid-life, and it will make a great gift to the young women in my life. It's also a bargain. I'm buying a small stash, sending some out for those belated graduation gifts and saving the others for holiday gifts.