Making Room in Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties Through Open Adoption (Paperback)

by Micky Duxbury (Author) "When I look at my daughter's beautiful face, her gorgeous curly hair, her expressive brown eyes, and her olive skin, I see her birth mother..." (more)
Key Phrases: adoption educator, open adoption experience, keeping family ties, Brenda Romanchik, Carol Demuth, Lois Melina (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Every once in a while, a book comes along that can make an honest difference in the understanding of an important subject—and, therefore, in peoples lives. Im delighted to say that Making Room in Our Hearts is one of those books. It takes on open adoption, which remains too poorly understood despite its growing prevalence, and explains it in the best possible way: through the stories of those who live it. The result is simultaneously touching and enlightening; its a wonderful combination that I hope and believe will make an honest difference in the continued evolution of adoption from the stigmatized, secretive process that it used to be into one that is honest, healthy and better serves all of its participants, especially the children. - Adam Pertman, Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

Micky Duxbury has written an interesting, up-to-date book on the beauty and the complexity of families built through open adoption. She has integrated the knowledge provided by other experts in the field with the poignant sharings of real families who have been living their open adoptions over several years. This is a book well worth reading and owning; I highly recommend it. - Sharon Roszia, co-author of The Open Adoption Experience and Program Manager, Special Needs Adoptions for Kinship Center of Southern California

Open adoption is not a trend—it is the wave of the future. Making Room in Our Hearts helps us prepare for that future by providing an ethical and child-centered perspective as it puts a human face on open adoption. You will meet real people revealing, as well as struggling, with the ups and downs of these complex relationships. This book fills an important need by providing adoption professionals, birth and adoptive families and their extended familial networks with a wealth of practical and personal information. - Brenda Romanchik, MSW, Open Adoption educator, Birth Parent advocate, and Director of Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support

Having been born under the closed adoption system some forty-something years ago, it was a profoundly moving experience for me to read about families—birth and adoptive families—who have come to embrace openness for their children. I believe that the adoption community is moving in a brave and important new direction, and that Micky Duxburys book will provide a vital map for families and professionals alike. I am grateful for this work and only wish that it had been the standard of practice while I was growing up. - Susan Ito, adult adoptee and co-editor of A Ghost At Hearts Edge: Stories & Poems of Adoption

This book is a valuable inclusion as an educational tool in the arena of open adoption … that can build understanding among those personally involved with adoption, considering adoption, professionals and anyone else who is interested in this topic. Additionally, it offers support to those already in open adoptions who want to hear about how this experience has evolved for others as the years have passed. - Patricia Martinez Dorner, MA, LPC, LMFT, Co-author of Children of Open Adoption and author of How to Open an Adoption: A Guide for Parents and Birthparents of Minors

I have been anxiously awaiting the release of Making Room in our Hearts, by Micky Duxbury so that I could recommend it to every adopting family I have the fortune of consulting with. Never has there been a volume so compassionate, inspiring and informative about why child-centered, open adoption is the correct paradigm for todays adoptions. Ms. Duxbury understands that openness in adoption is not a quantifiable obligation, but a quality that can be cultivated and resides in the heart of family members touched by adoption. - Leslie Foge, MA, MFT, Adoption Psychotherapist and Co-author of The Third Choice: A Womans Guide for Placing a Child for Adoption

Making Room in Our Hearts is an authentic, inside account of the open adoption experience. It offers an opportunity to listen in as the participants of adoption describe the delights and challenges of their journeys. Openness never shines brighter than when it is expressed in the actual words of those who live it day in and day out. - James Gritter, author of The Spirit of Open Adoption, and The Lifegivers: Framing the Birth Parent Experience in Adoption

This is a wonderful book… and the author seems to have complete control of this often-confusing area of relationships. The topic is covered in a thorough as well as realistic fashion. Duxbury is a skilled writer and has a very friendly writing style that should appeal to the reader….As families become more and more non-traditional the notion of openness cannot be stressed enough. - Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D., ABPP, Distinguished Professor, Governors State University

Ms. Duxbury excels as a writer and a storyteller. Her book is so compelling and such a pleasure to read because the stories of the families are told in such lucid language with well paced story lines. You can feel the excitement of a family when a baby is placed in their home and the anguish of a birthfather wanting a stronger connection to his son. Ms. Duxbury, an advocate of open adoption, does not spare either the joy or the pain of open adoption. - Ann Wrixon, Independent Adoption Center Executive Director

Every once in a while, a book comes along that can make an honest difference in the understanding of an important subject—and, therefore, in peoples lives. Im delighted to say that Making Room in Our Hearts is one of those books. It takes on open adoption, which remains too poorly understood despite its growing prevalence, and explains it in the best possible way: through the stories of those who live it. The result is simultaneously touching and enlightening; its a wonderful combination that I hope and believe will make an honest difference in the continued evolution of adoption from the stigmatized, secretive process that it used to be into one that is honest, healthy and better serves all of its participants, especially the children. - Adam Pertman, Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

Micky Duxbury has writtenan interesting, up-to-date book on the beauty and the complexity of families built through open adoption. She has integrated the knowledge provided by other experts in the field with the poignant sharings of real families who have been living their open adoptions over several years. This is a book well worth reading and owning; I highly recommend it. - Sharon Roszia, co-author of The Open Adoption Experience and Program Manager, Special Needs Adoptions for Kinship Center of Southern California

Open adoption is not a trend—it is the wave of the future. Making Room in Our Hearts helps us prepare for that future by providing an ethical and child-centered perspective as it puts a human face on open adoption. You will meet real people revealing, as well as struggling, with the ups and downs of these complex relationships. This book fills an important need by providing adoption professionals, birth and adoptive families and their extended familial networks with a wealth of practical and personal information. - Brenda Romanchik, MSW, Open Adoption educator, Birth Parent advocate, and Director of Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support

Having been born under the closed adoption system some forty-something years ago, it was a profoundly moving experience for me to read about families—birth and adoptive families—who have come to embrace openness for their children. I believe that the adoption community is moving in a brave and important new direction, and that Micky Duxburys book will provide a vital map for families and professionals alike. I am grateful for this work and only wish that it had been the standard of practice while I was growing up. - Susan Ito, adult adoptee and co-editor of A Ghost At Hearts Edge: Stories & Poems ofAdoption

This book is a valuable inclusion as an educational tool in the arena of open adoption … that can build understanding among those personally involved with adoption, considering adoption, professionals and anyone else who is interested in this topic. Additionally, it offers support to those already in open adoptions who want to hear about how this experience has evolved for others as the years have passed. - Patricia Martinez Dorner, MA, LPC, LMFT, Co-author of Children of Open Adoption and author of How to Open an Adoption: A Guide for Parents and Birthparents of Minors

I have been anxiously awaiting the release of Making Room in our Hearts, by Micky Duxbury so that I could recommend it to every adopting family I have the fortune of consulting with.Never has there been a volume so compassionate, inspiring and informative about why child-centered, open adoption is the correct paradigm for todays adoptions. Ms. Duxbury understands that openness in adoption is not a quantifiable obligation, but a quality that can be cultivated and resides in the heart of family members touched by adoption. - Leslie Foge, MA, MFT, Adoption Psychotherapist and Co-author of The Third Choice: A Womans Guide for Placing a Child for Adoption

Making Room in Our Hearts is an authentic, inside account of the open adoption experience. It offers an opportunity to listen in as the participants of adoption describe the delights and challenges of their journeys. Openness never shines brighter than when it is expressed in the actual words of those who live it day in and day out. - James Gritter, author of The Spirit of Open Adoption, and TheLifegivers: Framing the Birth Parent Experience in Adoption

This is a wonderful book… and the author seems to have complete control of this often-confusing area of relationships. The topic is covered in a thorough as well as realistic fashion. Duxbury is a skilled writer and has a very friendly writing style that should appeal to the reader….As families become more and more non-traditional the notion of openness cannot be stressed enough. - Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D., ABPP, Distinguished Professor, Governors State University

Ms. Duxbury excels as a writer and a storyteller. Her book is so compelling and such a pleasure to read because the stories of the families are told in such lucid language with well paced story lines. You can feel the excitement of a family when a baby is placed in their home and the anguish of a birthfather wanting a stronger connection to his son. Ms. Duxbury,an advocate of open adoption, does not spare either the joy or the pain of open adoption. - Ann Wrixon, Independent Adoption Center Executive Director

Product Description
Although adoption has never ceased to be a topic of wide interest, there is little material that covers the option of open adoption, which calls for regular contact between the adoptive and birth parents and the child. While closed adoption often prompts anguish and confusion over the adoptee's identity, open adoption allows the child access to his/her birth parents. Making Room in Our Hearts shows that children have a right to know and claim both their biological and adoptive families, rather than having to choose between the two or have no choice in the matter at all.
Making Room in Our Hearts covers the basic issues of open adoption while also including real-life, relatable stories of those with experience making and living through these challenging decisions. Duxbury addresses common fears and concerns, gives attention to siblings and other extended family, and discusses how adoption has changed and how it will continue to change in the future. Based on the author's interviews with over one hundred adoption professionals/ experts, birth and adoptive parents, extended family, and adopted children, the book provides profiles of families from a variety of backgrounds and situations and includes a host of viewpoints of those with specific knowledge. By showing how open adoption works for others, those who are currently considering it can see how it may work for them.
This cutting edge book will help the readers more fully understand the benefits, concerns, and overall process of a child-centered open adoption. Duxbury has conducted extensive research on the topic, making this an effective resource for those considering open adoption, those experiencing it, and professionals working with adoptive and birth parents.

"Making Room In Our Hearts is an authentic, inside account of the open adoption experience. It offers an opportunity to listen in as the participants of adoption describe the delights and challenges of their journeys. Openness never shines brighter than when it is expressed in the actual words of those who live it day in and day out."
James Gritter, author of The Spirit of Open Adoption, and The Lifegivers:Framing the Birth Parent Experience in Adoption.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Routledge; 1 edition (October 23, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0415955025
• ISBN-13: 978-0415955027
• Product Dimensions: 9.8 x 6.9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #266,808 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An adoptive parent's perspective, October 2, 2007

By	Heather.PNR - See all my reviews

This book is an excellent resource for anyone involved in open adoption. Duxbury integrates first-person stories with information on the basic philosophy and history of openness. The stories are authentic and honest, and do not shy away from acknowledging challenges and mistakes. Especially valuable are those from decades-old adoptions, offering a glimpse into how open adoption relationships evolve over time. I appreciated the story groupings which provided multiple perspectives on a single adoption--from birth/first parents, adoptees, adoptive parents, siblings and extended family members. Prompts encourage readers to mine these shared experiences for practical application in their own situations. Optimistic without falling into Pollyanna-ness, the book touches on public and private adoption, opening closed adoptions, openness in international adoptions, how to make openness work, and needed changes in the current adoption system. A comprehensive list of open adoption resources (publications, agencies, organizations, etc.) is also included.

Although a good resource for families at any stage, I think this book will be especially valuable for pre-adoptive parents and expectant parents considering placement. It not only provides a realistic look at openness, but also makes a strong case for the importance of adequate preparation and ongoing post-adoption support for participants in open adoptions. The discussion of best practices in open adoption will help potential clients discern which agencies/professionals are committed to child-centered open adoption as a standard and which pay it mere lip service.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Moving, Truthful, and Enlightening , May 20, 2008

By	Nicole Burton (Riverdale Park, MD USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

As an person raised under closed adoption, I never knew openness of the kind Micky Duxbury writes about in Making Room in Our Hearts could exist. I love the case studies and accompanying photographs of families in open adoption because we humans are storytelling creatures who learn best through engaging tales. I learned that openness can exist in adoption, with birth and adoptive families discovering together how to best support the growth of the adopted young person - wow, what a concept! "Open Adoption," it turns out, is not a one-size-fits-all, utopian arrangement but a supported process of learning how to be flexible, compassionate, and respectful to the people who love the people we love. The family ties that Duxbury describes are the most important "possessions" we can give our children. In addition to her own story as an adoptive parent, Duxbury includes a dozen case studies and a generous list of adoption resources in the back. I love this book and learned so much from reading it. Highly recommended to all interested in the practice of adoption, especially prospective and current adoptive parents.
Nicole J. Burton, Swimming Up the Sun: A Memoir of Adoption

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Best of the New Books on Open Adoption!, February 3, 2009

By	Beth Kozan "bethkoz" (Phoenix, AZ USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book is gentle in its message, and it makes so much sense! It should be read by any family approaching adoption today. The photos help tell the individual stories, and remind us graphically that, after all, the real reason for open adoption is for the children!

Beth Kozan, Phoenix, Arizona