The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide (Paperback)

~ (Author) "When I was growing up in the 1960s in Brooklyn, New York, the idea of being a lesbian-which I was strongly suspecting I might be-was..." (more)
Key Phrases: New York, Family Pride Coalition, United States (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Gay parenting is a productive and positive decision, but author and lesbian mother Arlene Lev admits it isn't always an easy one. With practical wisdom and advice, and personal real-life stories, Lev prepares gay parents for this endeavor with everything they need to know and everything they can expect while making their own significant and challenging mark on family life in the 21st century.

About the Author

Arlene Istar Lev, CSW-R, CASAC, is a family therapist who specializes in working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people and their families. She is the founder of Choices Counseling and Consulting, which has been serving the Albany, NY, area since 1986.

Product Details

• Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: Berkley Trade (November 2, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0425191974
• ISBN-13: 978-0425191972
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #585,031 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Funny & inclusive, with a few big drawbacks, January 12, 2005

By	swizzlestik "swizzlestik" (USA) - See all my reviews

This book is one of the most inclusive queer (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, etc) parenting manuals out there. I highly recommend it for LGBT parents and anyone thinking about starting a family. It is an engaging read, full of funny stories and information. It is also one of the only books I've read that has been truly inclusive of bisexual, transgender, genderqueer and gender-variant families as well as talking about butch-femme family dynamics. This makes it a far more relevant, inclusive and current books out there... Especially for trans and bi parents and prospective parents who have been completely disregarded by most queer parenting resources, books, and groups.

I appreciated the personal stories from various parents and the author's clearly open-minded approach. She seemed less bent on proving to the conservative right-wingers that we're the same as them, normal, etc... and more focused on talking candidly and honestly about the experience of being a LGBT parent and family. It gives a broad and realistic view of the struggles and joys of parenting in a homophobic world.

But this book has a few drawbacks - First, it is unfortunate that this book does not include much about parenting teenagers. It is geared more towards families with younger children and people who are considering parenting.

Secondly, some people will find her section on transracial adoption angering and alienating. Istar Lev's approach to white families adopting children of color is incredibly misinformed - She seems very defensive and used biased and sometimes even blatantly inaccurate information to dismiss the concerns many people of color have about the wellbeing of children of color being raised by white families, especially in isolated mostly-white communities. Her claims about the origins of the concepts of race and racism are historically untrue, and her statement there are not enough suitable families of color to adopt kids of color is a factual error, as studies have shown that it is in fact racism in adoption & foster parenting agencies, and lack of outreach, that prevents kids of color from being placed in their own communities. This misinformation and the defensive tone sadly detract from important and necessary points about how white families whose children are of color can raise their kids with cultural pride and awareness and the skills they need to survive as people of color in a racist society.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars REVIEWS OF THE COMPLETE LESBIAN AND GAY PARENTING GUIDE, August 14, 2005

By	Arlene I. Lev "Arlene Istar Lev" (Albany NY) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Prepublication Reviews

"Finally a handbook for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender parents that addresses the real struggles and joys our families face. The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide is both deeply serious, and belly-laugh funny, while remaining filled with useful advice and heartwarming personal stories."
---Rosie O'Donnell

"Arlene Lev has written a ground-breaking handbook on lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parenting that moves beyond proving that we have a right to parent and examines the day-to-day realities of life with children. Lev, a family therapist with twenty years experience working with alternative families, describes the emerging diversity of LGBT families, options for becoming parents, single parenting, coming-out, and infertility, as well as humorously addressing issues such as coping with colic and finding time for adult intimacy.
"Filled with the personal stories of diverse LGBT parents, Lev - a fierce advocate for our families -- challenges us to create secure and healthy environments for our children despite outside homophobia. Now, for the first time in print, with practical advice and a raw honesty, The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide is a must-read for all LGBT people -- those with kids, those who want kids, and those who have watched your friends sucked into the vortex of parenting.
"Lev has created a guide that is up to the minute, inclusive, comprehensive, warm, funny and downright essential for anyone involved with or interested in LGBT parenting."
April Martin, Author The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook (Harper-Collins, 1993)

"Arlene Istar Lev brings the now generation-old phenomenon of LGBT parenting fully up-to-date. It's an ideal, complete reference resource for queer people pursuing parenthood, or those already raising kids. It's inclusive, it's smart, it's accessible, and it doesn't shy away from the hard material. Everything LGBT parents and parents-to-be need to know about issues unique to our families - it's all there."
Terry Boggis, Director, Center Kids the family program of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Centre, New York


"Parenting is a real-time activity and a challenge for anyone who takes it seriously. Lev makes bold statements about real people in real-time situations. The humanity inherent in loving and raising children is not something reserved for a privileged few, but IS experienced by LGBT people. In a time of increasing conservative, religious right angst over who should be allowed to be human and what information and choices we all should be entitled to have about our own lives; this book provides a look at aspects of parenting that we can't always know about in advance. And it is a testament to the ongoing power of parental love."
Jamison Green, Author of Becoming a Visible Man (Vanderbilt University Press, 2004)

5.0 out of 5 stars Comprehensive and readable guide for LGBT parents and prospective parents, October 31, 2009

By	AG1234 (Massachusetts) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

Although this book has only been out for 5 years, it has quickly established itself as a classic. A readable and useful reference for scholars who study LGBT parenting, as well as LGBT parents themselves and prospective LGBT parents, it addresses an impressively comprehensive number of issues across the LGBT parent family life cycle, including: family building options and barriers; challenges along the path to becoming a parent; creating and finding support and community; and legal issues facing LGBT parent families. It deals with complex topics such as transracial adoption with incredible thoughtfulness, sensitivity, and frankness. This book is an indispensable resource and one which can be read and reread over time.