Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy (Paperback)

~ (Author), Frances L. Ilg (Author) "librium and of no longer looking back. In fact, by Three, many children seem to be developing a rather good self-concept, seem to have a..." (more)
Key Phrases: Real Life, The Child's Mind, Most Three-year-olds (more...)

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Dell (August 15, 1980)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440506492
• ISBN-13: 978-0440506492
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #10,388 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #8 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Parenting > Babies & Toddlers > Toddlers
  #67 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Parenting > Babies & Toddlers > Child Development

• This is item 3 in The Gesell Institute Child Development Series.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

55 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Not the be all to end all but helpful in context, January 4, 2006

By	amazonbuyer - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

Okay, so the books are dated. The books we are currently reading, will be in 20 years also.

The reason these books are still in print is that the BEHAVIOURAL information is GENERALLY on target.

I have found them to be the clearest and most concise behavioral information out there. They are meant to help parents discern when their child's behavior is "within normal limits/range" and when alarm bells should start to ring.

But any parent and many books with tell you the golden rule is: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! You know your child. Don't ignore the little voice that says something isn't right. This is a HELP book not an ANSWER book.

One person went so far as to say the books have no relation to the behavior she has seen in her 3 year olds, or anyone else's. All I know is that the authors did their best to go about their research scientifically, and I am sure their data was not extracted soley from abused, maladjusted children.

I am not a behavioral scientist, but I've found their results to be GENERALLY accurate. And I too teach children and have a few of my own.

I use many resources and I have not found Geselle Institute's books to be useless.

In spite of much dated material, the heart of it, the BEHAVIORAL information has been VERY useful. That is why I purchased these books.

For child "rearing" I go to my other sources (Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, Siblings Without Rivalry, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.)

Someone mentioned that children having violent fantasies is abnormal and Giselle says that it is normal. I don't think Geselle meant continual, obsessive, gratuitously violent fantasy's. At least I did not take it this way. Children do express violent thoughts sometimes.

Kids are not tabula rasa as once presumed. They don't have to be exposed to violence to have violent thought. They don't need an abusive parent to hit when someone grabs their toy.

They can hear a curse word once on the street or at school and apply it quite accurately and forcefully even if the parents never curse.

So:
If you want to know what to do when your kid curses or bites their nails, DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!

But if you want to know if you are the reason your child bites their nails or if it is fairly common behavior for their age range DO BUY THIS BOOK!!!

30 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Book - Helps parents understand why their children do what they do, April 1, 2006

By	LL Cool Jack "shakesmcgillicutty" (Tempe, AZ United States) - See all my reviews

Other reviews have cited a lack of helpful hints in this book. Please know before buying, this is not a "how to" book. You won't find formulas for parenting. What you will find is an excellent study on the behavior and development of your child at any given age. This book is outdated in its look and in some of the scenarios presented. However, the observations and information laid out are timeless. A three year old is a three year - in 1972 or 2022. I see parenting as an adventure and a challenge, where each child is unique. It's my job to tailor the rearing of my child to suit him and these books help me do just that. This series has made me a more informed parent. For instance, in the 2 year old book I read that children at this age have a very hard time sticking to a decision. They want a drink, so you give them a drink. You then hear, "I don't want a drink!". So you take it back. Whereupon your child wails that he wants his drink. This can go on for an exasperating long while. The more informed I am on what's age appropriate behavior, the more I'm able to separate my reactions from the emotional frustration that might otherwise erupt. I can then spend more time thinking rationally about how I can help him through this, rather than becoming angry. I love these books and think that all parents would benefit from reading. As I stated above, these books won't show you HOW to be a better parent, just as reading a book on art history won't show you HOW to be a museum curator. But knowing and understanding art history is a must in order to be a great curator. Same with kids and same with these books.

41 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good developmental info, but badly in need of an update!, June 16, 1999

By A Customer

I'm giving this book a mixed review. I thought the developmental information was extremely helpful - it was great to know my son was behaving like a "typical" 3.5-year-old rather than a sociopath in the making. However, the solutions offered by the authors are less than stellar. They basically encourage parents to dump the kid off at the babysitter's or daycare as much as possible until they straighten up. Excuse me? The last chapter, which had supposedly "real" questions from parents, was laughable at best and mildly horrifying at worst. I'd love to see the authors update this book, because it is really outdated.