The Gift of Fear (Paperback)

by Gavin De Becker (Author) "He had probably been watching her for a while..." (more)
Key Phrases: unwanted pursuit, predictive resources, let him down easy, Los Angeles, Michael Perry, Rebecca Schaeffer (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
Each hour, 75 women are raped in the United States, and every few seconds, a woman is beaten. Each day, 400 Americans suffer shooting injuries, and another 1,100 face criminals armed with guns. Author Gavin de Becker says victims of violent behavior usually feel a sense of fear before any threat or violence takes place. They may distrust the fear, or it may impel them to some action that saves their lives. A leading expert on predicting violent behavior, de Becker believes we can all learn to recognize these signals of the "universal code of violence," and use them as tools to help us survive. The book teaches how to identify the warning signals of a potential attacker and recommends strategies for dealing with the problem before it becomes life threatening. The case studies are gripping and suspenseful, and include tactics for dealing with similar situations.

People don't just "snap" and become violent, says de Becker, whose clients include federal government agencies, celebrities, police departments, and shelters for battered women. "There is a process as observable, and often as predictable, as water coming to a boil." Learning to predict violence is the cornerstone to preventing it. De Becker is a master of the psychology of violence, and his advice may save your life. --Joan Price --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal
De Becker, the CEO of a firm that attempts to predict and prevent violence against individuals, shares his informed insights on enhancing personal safety. He believes that violence is part of the human condition and that America is increasingly a violent place. For example, homicide is now the leading cause of death for women in the workplace. De Becker posits that intuition is our most basic and reliable survival skill. When it produces fear?as distinct from worry or anxiety?we should pay attention. Mixing theory with case histories, he discusses stranger-to-stranger crime, obsessive admirers, employee rampages, and spousal crime, as well as the more esoteric categories of celebrity stalkers and assassins. Having suffered an abusive childhood himself, de Becker has a special empathy for victims and an acute awareness of the signs of criminal intent. A valuable contribution on a timely topic, this is recommended for public libraries.
-?Gregor A. Preston, formerly with Univ. of California Lib., Davis
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 384 pages
• Publisher: Dell (May 11, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440508835
• ISBN-13: 978-0440508830
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (328 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,000 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #1 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Self Defense
  #2 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Abuse
  #9 in	Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Violence in Society

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

191 of 196 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book that dispells crime prevention myths, September 11, 1999

By	Arnold Howard (Mesquite, TX USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Gift of Fear (Mass Market Paperback)

Few crime prevention experts emphasize intuition. Instead, they talk about staying alert to crime. Sometimes crime prevention experts generate more fear than they alleviate.

Gavin deBecker, on the other hand, makes intuition and freedom from fear the focus of his philosophy. Instead of imagining the bad things that could happen, he says, live without worry of crime.

He also says to stop watching the news. It only generates needless worry and gives one a distorted view of the world. I have been teaching these same concepts for years as a black belt in karate, so it was refreshing to read them from someone else. I avoid newspapers and TV news--it only darkens our view of the world. It only makes crime seem worse. Give up news for two weeks and notice how your outlook improves.

As a teacher of women's self-defense, I've heard many stories of intuition. Some people call it the "back ground music," because it is like the music that plays in a movie before something bad happens.

As deBecker writes, act upon your survival signals (run, search your house in the middle of the night, stay away from an individual, etc.), even if you feel foolish doing so.

Shed the fears in your life, because fear clouds the survival signals. Those who live in fear of crime are already victims.

Some of the book is difficult to read, such as chapters on child abuse. But the book is still worth it. Buy copies for yourself and friends. If you spend time worrying about crime, this book could change your life.

133 of 138 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Gift Is Within You, February 11, 2004

By	Mary Esterhammer-Fic (Chicago, IL United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Gift of Fear (Mass Market Paperback)

When a young relative of mine was vacationing, a stranger grabbed her by the arm and said, "Come with me or I'll kill you." She reacted instinctively and broke free, and as she ran she expected to be shot at any second. But she made it to safety and provided the cops with a good description.

One year later and 100 miles from where that happened, another little girl was grabbed by a stranger, who said something to her--this was captured on videotape. The frightened child, instead of fleeing, cooperated. She was later murdered by her abductor.

I think most of us fall into that second category, because we don't listen to the instinct to run, or to fight, or to (best of all) avoid those situations in the first place. We've been trained to suppress those very instincts that exist to preserve our lives.

What deBecker's book so expertly does is re-train us to listen to our intuition, to scope out our environment and everyone in it, and to read the danger signs we would otherwise prefer to ignore.

Panic and anxiety are not useful emotions; fear is different. Fear is what compels us to take action if there is a clear and present danger; it's what allows us to see what's happening and respond appropriately. It's an emotion that should be nurtured instead of conquered. We don't want our kids to grow up afraid of the boogeyman, scared to go out of their homes or try new things or meet new people. De becker teaches us that, instead, if we develop and learn to trust our intuition, we can free ourselves from that trap, just as we can react positively if we are ever in a position that requires immediate escape.

He shows, with examples and self-reflective exercises, what to ask yourself, and what to do, if you have a "gut feeling" that tells you something is wrong.

Parents, children and women especially need this skill.

It's great to learn self-defense, to build your confidence in what you can physically do to protect yourself. But that ability is enhanced by the lessons in this book. And sometimes, being a black-belt is irrelevent to dangers that are out there.

DeBecker's best lessons are learning how to listen to yourself, how to interpret warning signs from dangerous people, and teaching us how to predict behavior. You don't have to be "surprised" by someone's crazy or hostile actions if you can see them coming and cut them off at the pass. He points out that every time we get behind the wheel of a car, we're predicting what every other driver on the road will do. All we have to learn is how to apply that knowledge to a boyfriend who won't take no for an answer, a neighbor who takes a creepy interest in our kid, or a job applicant who is a little too persistent.

DeBecker says some things that will rub people the wrong way--such as, for battered partners: the first time it happens, you're a victim and the second time, you're a volunteer. But that's actually true. If you KNOW what this person is going to do, and you choose to stay in the relationship in spite of this information, then you have to own the consequences.

The appendices are useful and the reading list is also a good resource, but the IMPACT self-defense classes deBecker recommends are not available everywhere. I wish the book gave a little more information about choosing a self-defense course if IMPACT is not in the area.

34 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Time to Pay Attention, July 17, 2005

By	Carolyn Rampone "Carolyn D'Amico Rampone" (Plantation, FL USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Gift of Fear (Mass Market Paperback)

Gavin DeBecker could have named this book "The Gift of Intuition" and tapped into an even larger reader base. Human beings have an enormous capacity to reach deep inside and access the powers within. We just choose not to. Whether it is a religious belief that makes us look outside of ourself for help or just conditioning, we have let this gift atrophy. I always said the answer to so many of our problems is in the listening, not the doing or talking. Just sit quietly and listen, the answers are all there if you're willing to allow them to surface.
DeBecker knows this and teaches you how to hone these skills. He will show you how to trust yourself, have faith in your own ability to know when a situation is terribly wrong.
How many of us suddenly see all the red flags at the end of a horrible relationship or situation? Those red flags did not suddenly appear out of nowhere. They were there from the beginning and were ignored or pushed aside either out of ignorance or the desire for the "appearance" of a situation. The great guy, the independence, the can't miss business opportunity. All of these can shout decibels louder than your intuition ever could. Intuition is quiet voice, it has to be actively listened too, it won't overpower any voice you choose to hear. "The Gift of Fear" will help you listen to yourself, to hear what is inside you.
This is the best gift you can give your teenagers, help them learn this from the start. I might even go as far as to say no better graduation gift exists. Okay, so put it on the seat of that new car or put the cash inside the pages instead of a card, but do give this as a gift to the ones you love. It very well might save their lives. At the very least, it will make their lives better by helping them to live it more aware and in control.