Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "WHEN BETH, one of my better researchers, said that men who were averse to commitment were drawn to her like bees to honey, I gave..." (more)
Key Phrases: marriage license bureaus, comfortable stage, engaged women, New York City (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Though the title makes this volume sound more like a Gone With The Wind-era admonition than a modern-day marriage manifesto, Molloy (Dress for Success) promises to "increase your chances of marrying by up to 60 percent" and teach women how to spot "ten warning signals that a man is never going to marry you." For the woman dedicated to landing a mate, this book does offer practical tips based on Molloy's interviews with thousands of engaged and married people. Some of the advice offered is common sense ("date eligible men," "if you want to meet men...pick a place where men really go"-i.e., a sports bar), but other suggestions have an unintentionally humorous effect. In the "Size Matters" section, Molloy writes: "Being overweight dramatically reduces your changes of attracting and marrying men... Naturally, there are many overweight women who do marry. We ran across dozens." Though he offers helpful chapters on relationship stages, open communication, divorced and widowed men and marriage after 40, Molloy's tone often makes it sound as if men do women a favor by marrying them. "If you want to discuss marriage, you're probably going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will," Molloy warns, and his book sets forth a straightforward plan for any marriage-minded woman willing to change her habits. For better or worse, Molloy proves that most men still choose mates based upon qualities that signaled the perfect bride in the Edwardian era: virtue, respectability and accomplishment.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Description

Bestselling author John T. Molloy delivers a groundbreaking book based on scientific research that shows women how they can improve their chances of getting married.John T. Molloy's research has helped women get ahead in the corporate world for years. In fact, his methods have worked so well that many women began asking how to apply these same techniques to get ahead in their personal lives--specifically to find and marry Mr. Right. This book is the result of over 2000 interviews with married couples and over 1,800 unmarried men and women. Molloy's remarkable study reveals: ï exactly what women need to do to make their boyfriends pop the question ï the top signs a relationship is bound for the altar--or bound for disaster ï how to identify which men are the "marrying kind" and which definitely are not ï and much more. WHY MEN MARRY SOME WOMEN AND NOT OTHERS will turn frustrated bachelorettes everywhere into blushing brides!

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Warner Books (October 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446531138
• ISBN-13: 978-0446531139
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (63 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #345,032 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

62 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Molloy recommends honesty and good sense., January 5, 2004

By A Customer

Another reader said;

"I was surprised to read that the majority of women his team interviewed at marriage license offices admitted they had to give their sweeties what amounts to an ultimatum to get him to commit. (I worry such arm-twisting might account for our high divorce rate.)"

I think this misrepresents what Molloy actually says. Molloy does not tell women to use strong arm methods - he tells women to be *honest* in a relationship. If marriage matters to them, they should be honest about that. If their man's response to a suggestion of marriage hurts them, they should be honest about *that*, as well. He does recommend that women try to be considerate in presenting their protests, but what he is basically arguing is that honesty pays. I've been married seventeen years, and seen a lot of friends' marriages do a nosedive in that time, and I think he's right.

A friend of mine from high school who recently divorced let her boyfriend/fiance walk all over her while they were dating, then while they were married, until she just couldn't take it anymore, and left him. But she didn't tell him he was hurting her until they'd been married for years! She expected him to know. I think this is far more destructive than honestly telling someone you're close to that marriage is important to you, and you're not sure you can continue the relationship if it won't lead to marriage; or that they hurt you when they dismissed your desire for marriage.

When I was dating, many, many women warned me to never mention marriage, and said they never admitted they wanted marriage, because that would chase a guy off. I felt this was dishonest and wouldn't do it. If a guy and I talked life time goals, I was always up front about the fact that I intended to get married and have kids. I never said I intended to marry *him*, but I did discuss why marriage appealed to me and etc. And I got married, while my friends who were careful not to mention marriage did not.

A friend of mine once sat me down and scolded me because every guy I'd broken up with then proceeded to get married within a year - I think this happened because Molloy is right; guys honestly *don't* think much about marriage, but when it's presented as a valid possibility during their "Age of Commitment", many of them decide the idea is appealing. He's also right about religious differences being a problem - those relationships didn't last because I ultimately wouldn't compromise on my commitments to God or my principles. Getting married was important to me, but there were other things that were more important.

One of the few points I disagree with Molloy on is his emphasis on losing weight. I don't doubt this is what the statistics show, but I'm not convinced he's getting the whole picture. I had more than one guy suggest to me that "if you'd just lose a few pounds, I'd sure like to go out with you." I would NEVER date a man who said that to me. Maybe I could diet down to the weight he preferred for a time, but everyone in my family past their thirties is overweight and dieting - I always figured my odds of being overweight as I aged were all too high, and I had no intention of getting stuck with a guy who'd hassle me over it.

Despite my weight, I talked marriage seriously with four guys before marrying a fifth - and he was the one rushing us into marriage while I was the one dragging her feet. A friend of mine who is extremely obese - under five feet tall and over 200 pounds - remarried in her forties, and she married a considerably younger man to boot! But while she is over weight, she has all the other qualities Molloy recommends - she is very kind, she kept herself up (make up and such - not overdone, but she always looked nice and dressed up for dates), she always had fun on dates, she genuinely likes people and lets them know it, she got out and about, and she has that "always on the edge of a smile" look Molloy talks about. I think one reason older overweight women are less likely to remarry is that they've given up.

Which is a valid choice, after all. Molloy's goal in this book is not to argue that marriage is the best way for everyone - his book is addressed to women who want to marry. If, after dealing with the data on typical marriages, women decide they aren't interested in pursuing marriage under those circumstances, he has still done them a service. He can help you to make an informed choice - some women may chose to actively pursue marriage, and others may decide it isn't worth it. He doesn't condemn either route.

Sheryl

112 of 122 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Save your money on this dreck, October 20, 2005

By	GadgetChick - See all my reviews

One of my single girlfriends and I (I'm married, 6 years this month) paged through this book at the bookstore the other day. If you want a laugh, it's great. If you're looking for sound advice, get another book.

The one thing people need to understand about John Molloy is that his so called "scientific studies" are bogus. He uses insanely small sample sizes, anecdotal information, and non-scientifically-selected subjects to come up with his conclusions. In a country of 360 MILLION people, I imagine you could come up with a few hundred people who married their spouse because they shared a love of online fantasy games and green chile enchiladas. Compared to the general population, his sample sizes are smaller than miniscule and therefore, the sweeping conclusions he makes are basically worthless. Anyone who's ever taken Statistics 101 can figure that out. You know that saying that there are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics? That statement is never more true than when applied to this book.

Secondly, the conclusions he comes to "scientifically" are completely ridiculous. If you want to get married, be thin, make a good first impression and make marriage a priority. WOW! What a revelation! My single friend said "if only it was that simple." She is thin, beautiful and accomplished, and after a failed marriage 7 years ago has had no luck getting married since. She makes a great first impression and makes her living off that as a salesperson. According to Molloy, she should be beating men away with a stick and fending off marriage proposals daily. But sadly, that's not the case. Whereas I am a loud, brassy, overweight woman who probably comes across as outre when people first meet me, and I've been happily married for six years.

If you really, REALLY want to get married, here is my advice. I am giving it out FREE here on Amazon so people don't give John Molloy any more money for his silly books. Are you ready? Here it is:
- Don't sit at home. Get out and meet people. If you live in a city of any size, there will be groups of people who assemble to participate in activities you would enjoy - everything from stargazing through telescopes to needlepoint. If you don't feel comfortable joining mixed-sex groups, join women's groups. Other women have friends, brothers, sons, etc. who you may like very much. The bottom line is GET OUT THERE. Sitting at home will NOT enable you to meet anyone you'd be interested in.
- Make a list of the things you want in a partner, and then a list of your deal-breakers. Then go back over the list of your deal-breakers and really examine it. If it's more than 7-10 items long, you are probably being too picky. Just because someone is bald, or likes sci-fi, or hates Indian food does not mean they are not a wonderful person who would be a caring partner. When I met my husband, he smoked. I HATE smoking. He also had a few other habits that drove me crazy. But I could see past those to the wonderful, fabulous person he is. I could see he was great husband material (and believe me, you should evaluate people as potential spouses EARLY - don't feel shallow for doing so). I stuck with him, and just a couple of years into the relationship, he quit smoking. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met and I could not ask for a more loyal, faithful, caring, funny and intelligent man to be my husband. I am not talking about ignoring personality traits like "he beats me" or "he's drunk all the time." I'm talking about trying to look past the "Seinfeld" or "Sex and the City" criteria for dating. "I can't keep dating him, he has long nose hairs." So what? If he's a caring, stable person, he can clip his nose hairs. But a shiftless, abusive guy with good grooming can't change his personality.
- Here's the most important one. Love yourself. Invest in yourself. Even if you weigh 300 lbs, you should be getting your hair done, buying flattering clothes that fit you, and walking around with your head held high. I have been chunky all my life but I dated plenty in high school and college, because I decided early on that I felt good about myself and I was going to have a personality that attracted people to me, even if my looks didn't. My husband wasn't even the first guy who wanted to marry me, and believe me, I don't meet any of Molloy's "criteria." It's not because I am dazzlingly beautiful or I have a compliant personality. I am funny and smart, and I love to laugh and have a good time. That's attractive to anyone. (I also have a healthy self-esteem, if you couldn't tell. :) Don't let one or two jerks, or this book, tell you your marriage prospects are hopeless if you're overweight or not traditionally beautiful or you care about your career. You are a great person and you deserve love. Now go out and get it!

274 of 306 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Don't bother if you are a woman over 35, June 30, 2004

By	Patricia E. Powers "Patricia the wonder walker" (San Diego) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I bought this book because I thought that I would learn some special insight into why I was still a single woman over 40. I don't recommend this book if you are older. The author states the obvious: 1) Men want younger women 2) If you are an over 40 woman, who is single, you better be attractive and thin more so than your younger counterparts. 3) You should marry unattractive men who get passed over by other women. 4) You should join an athelic group of some sort, go out on Singles outings etc..etc... Nothing new here to me. I have done all of the things the author suggests and I am still single going on four years. I am thin- if I get any thinner my doctor will get ticked, attractive, take care of myself and participate in many sporting activities.

Anyhow-there is no special formula here, maybe I should write a book and tell women the following:
1) Date divorced men - they are easier to get along with -
2) Stay away from players and guys who have NEVER settled down or who have a history of breaking women's hearts.
3) Love yourself enough to take care of yourself on the inside and out.

No brainers here ladies...I am done reading these dating books. Finding the love of your life is either meant to be ie, luck or it is not.