Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control (Paperback)

by Jeannette Dewyze (Author), Allan Mallinger (Author) "This is a book about people who are too perfect for their own good..." (more)
Key Phrases: Myth of Control, Perfectionist's Credo, Cosmic Scorekeeper (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
For many of us, perfectionism can bring life's most desired rewards. But when the obsessive need for perfection and control gets in the way of our professional and emotional lives, the cost becomes too high. Although many of us appear cool and confident on the outside, inside we are in emotional turmoil, trying to satisfy everyone, attempting to direct the future, and feeling that we are failing.
In TOO PERFECT, Dr. Allan Mallinger draws on twenty years of research and observations from his private practice to show how perfectionism can sap energy, complicate even the simplest decisions, and take the enjoyment out of life. For workaholics or neat freaks, for anyone who fears change or making mistakes, needs rigid rules, is excessively frugal or obstinate, TOO PERFECT offers revealing self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to help us overcome obsessiveness and reclaim our right to happiness.


From the Inside Flap
For many of us, perfectionism can bring life's most desired rewards. But when the obsessive need for perfection and control gets in the way of our professional and emotional lives, the cost becomes too high. Although many of us appear cool and confident on the outside, inside we are in emotional turmoil, trying to satisfy everyone, attempting to direct the future, and feeling that we are failing.
In TOO PERFECT, Dr. Allan Mallinger draws on twenty years of research and observations from his private practice to show how perfectionism can sap energy, complicate even the simplest decisions, and take the enjoyment out of life. For workaholics or neat freaks, for anyone who fears change or making mistakes, needs rigid rules, is excessively frugal or obstinate, TOO PERFECT offers revealing self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to help us overcome obsessiveness and reclaim our right to happiness.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (June 1, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0449908003
• ISBN-13: 978-0449908006
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #9,110 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing, June 5, 1999

By A Customer

I ordered three books on perfectionism from Amazon. This was the best one. I'm ordering three more copies to give to friends and family. This book helped me identify destructive thought patterns and habits -- and stop them. The book gives a cohesive picture of the perfectionist person; explaining how diverse behaviors and beliefs are related and why the perfectionist originally developed them. If perfectionism is driving you crazy and ruining your life, this book can help.

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Insight into perfectionism, October 12, 2000

By	Kim Boykin (New York, NY) - See all my reviews

At first, I was disappointed to discover that this book is not just about perfectionism but more generally about "obsessive personalities" (not to be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder). But as it turns out, I do indeed have many "obsessive" traits in addition to perfectionism. I found the chapter on "demand-resistance" especially illuminating--although I would've liked more guidance for how to get over it. Other chapters discuss difficulty making decisions and commitments, guardedness, worrying, rigidity, drivenness, and of course perfectionism.

I also recommend Richard Rohr's "Discovering the Enneagram," about a personality-typing scheme in which one of the nine types centers on "the need to be perfect." And if you're a perfectionist and a procrastinator about writing, I recommend Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life."

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing, September 12, 2006

By	Benjamin A. Cropp (Lawrence, KS USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Normally I would not be writing a review for an item. I always thought it was because I was lazy, or that I didn't care. After reading this book, I have come to realize that it was in large part because subconsciously, I could not meet my own perfectionist expectations. There are a lot of low-risk undertakings in life that I have not attempted for the same reason.
This book, for me, has brought to my conscious awareness all of the subconscious obsessive thoughts that were creating immense frustration and anxiety in my life. Of course, I realize that changing perfectionistic thoughts is not a quick fix. It takes time and effort, in both cognitive and behavioral aspects.
Of all the books I've read on CBT, NLP, perfectionism and the like, this book has meant the most to me personally than any other book I have ever read.
If you have perfectionistic tendencies, in ANY area of your life, then I hope this book will bring you waves of insight and comfort, like it did me.