The Intimacy Dance: A Guide to Long-Term Success in Gay and Lesbian Relationships [Paperback]

Betty Berzon (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A book on the problems of gay and lesbian couples faces two major challenges. It must first establish what, other than specifics of physical intimacy, differentiates gay and lesbian relationships from heterosexual ones. Second, it must not dwell on those differences to the exclusion of constructive observations and advice. This book succeeds on both counts and so qualifies as a helpful guide to maintaining long-term relationships, which Berzon (Permanent Partners), a Los Angeles psychotherapist, defines as those connections that weather the gay and lesbian three-year itch. The book falters, however, in its construction and its writing, and these failings are sufficient to make it at times exasperating reading. Its chief expository device is synoptic case studies that alternate between male and female. These snippets are far too simplified to offer much. But the book manages to shine in its extended recognition not only of homosexual relationships in general but of long-term homosexual relationships. In this, the case studies serve a purpose, as do Berzon's frequent references to her own 22-year lesbian relationship. And as she implies toward the end of her study, in the realm of gay and lesbian couples, psychotherapeutic theory and practice are not nearly as important as a generally affirmative attitude.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Berzon (Permanent Partners, LJ 11/15/88) continues to take a leading role in helping gay and lesbian couples establish more meaningful and long-lasting relationships. Drawing on her experience as a psychotherapist and lesbian in a 22-year partnership, she addresses the problems of communication, the challenge to keep growing, competing career demands, waning sexual relations, and unresolved familial issues. In addition to discussing how the universal demons of fear, rejection, and anger interfere with intimacy, in any relationship, she also focuses on issues unique to homosexual couples, such as the lack of institutional support, differences in each partner's coming out, and the absence of intergenerational gay and lesbian "family models." Berzon provides intelligent, practical, and compassionate advice on exploring and resolving conflicts. Anyone contemplating a serious relationship or already involved in one would likely benefit from her insights. Highly recommended for psychology and gay collections in public libraries.?Pamela W. Bellows, Northwestern Connecticut Community Technological Coll. Lib., Winstead
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Plume (September 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0452277477
• ISBN-13: 978-0452277472
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #780,506 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Incredibly On Target, December 29, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: The Intimacy Dance: A Guide to Long-Term Success in Gay and Lesbian Relationships (Paperback)

This book is great! I have read a large number of gay relationship books lately - trying to figure out why my partner of 8 years wanted to all of a sudden break up. We had never had an argument and got along just fine (or so I thought). After reading Ms. Berzon's book, I realized that we were only touching the surface of our relationship potential. Realizing this, finding out why, and what I could do about it has given me hope to save our relationship. Thanks to Ms. Berzon for this insightful and useful book.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I didn't waste my money and wasn't misled..., September 20, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: The Intimacy Dance: 8A Guide to Long-Term Success in Gay and Lesbian Relationships (Hardcover)

This is a well-written, informative book. The author is insightful and understanding, at times penetratingly so, often drawing observations from both her personal, extended experience, and from the lives of those she counsels. She has the wisdom of one who has seen many social and cultural shifts over the past decade, and this is well-reflected in her work. No book is a magic bullet; this one inspires, encourages, and lends persective. Lesbian and Gay relationships are often targets of disruption because usually, nobody wants them to succeed; sometimes not even those who are in them. The author does an excellent job of tempering one's vision and supporting the need for building respectful boundaries in a loving, healthy relationship that nurtures and protects both people. I highly recommend this book; it was well-worth my time, attention, and investment.

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Don't waste your money., December 27, 2001

By	"martinbr33" (SF) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Intimacy Dance: A Guide to Long-Term Success in Gay and Lesbian Relationships (Paperback)

I rarely write reviews, but I felt misled by the other review available for this book. The review is both well-written and encouraging. Unfortunately the same can't be said for Ms. Berzon's book. It's full of relationship clichés familiar to anyone who has watched daytime TV in the past 15 years, "alcohol can affect your sex life," "self-esteem issues can lead to infidelity." There are a few gay cliches to distinguish this from the trite of the self-help books available for straights, "gay men are less likely to assume that monogamy is an integral part of committed relationship" etc. These are not exact quotes, but they're accurate enough. Read the sample pages available here. The book doesn't get any more insightful. I'm sure we're all intrigued by the possibility that we may only be touching the surface of our relationship potential, but this book isn't going to help you.