Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, and Our Jobs (Paperback)

by Rosalind Barnett (Author), Caryl Rivers (Author) "NEARLY TEN YEARS AGO we wrote a book called She Works/He Works..." (more)
Key Phrases: caring trap, tending instinct, care reasoning, Carol Gilligan, New York Times, Ultra Darwinists (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
According to Rivers, a professor of journalism at Boston College, and Barnett, a senior scientist at Brandeis, there is no innate difference between the sexes; there are only varying behaviors that are determined by the degree of power males and females hold in a given situation. The authors earlier collaborated on She Works/He Works, which took issue with the idea that two working parents in a home was harmful to children. In this provocative study, they take on gender theorists ranging from Carol Gilligan (In a Different Voice) to David Buss (The Evolution of Desire) and pop writer John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), picking on their arguments and their scholarship. The authors believe that gender difference theory rationalizes the discrimination still prevalent in society and is comforting in a time of great social change. Drawing on current scholarly research, Barnett and Rivers take on one "myth" per chapter; they found little statistical support, for example, for Buss’s conclusion that women choose mates on the basis of financial security and men prefer to marry younger, very attractive women. Although Barnett and Rivers make a cogent case, their conclusions will be subject to the same scrutiny as they give their targets.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review
"[Same Difference] is a lesson in critical thinking and a warning to look more deeply into data before believing the latest hot story about the battle of the sexes." Boston Globe "Stereotypes about the differences between women and men may be based on flimsy evidence, but taking them seriously can do real damage to our relationships and careers. Both men and women pay a steep price. Blending case histories, new research and thoughtful analysis, the writers describe the divide between the sexes as a crevice, not a chasm. The good news: We're all a lot more flexible than the gender cliches let on." Psychology Today"

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Basic Books (November 7, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0465006132
• ISBN-13: 978-0465006137
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #268,017 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

78 of 90 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Sometimes pendulums can swing too far..., January 7, 2005

By	Monica J. Kern (Lexington, KY United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, And Our Jobs (Hardcover)

As a social psychologist, I read this book with some eagerness, thinking of it as a potential text for my classes. However, I ended up feeling rather disappointed and concluding that--while it makes some good points--it suffers from many of the same criticisms it points out in the work of feminist scholars.

As an example, the book devotes an inordinate amount of space to criticizing the work of Carol Gilligan. I was actually glad to see this, because the authors correctly point out that Gilligan's work has had a disproportionate and scary amount of influence on cultural thought despite severe methodological flaws (e.g., small sample, reliance on unrepresentative anecdotal accounts, refusal to allow other researchers access to data, etc.). However--and without any apparent sense of irony--Barnett and Rivers rely heavily on anecdotes from their own clinical practices throughout the book to make THEIR points. And if it's not okay for Gilligan to do so, why is it okay for them?

A second feature I found disappointing in this book is that the authors misinterpret "small differences" to mean trivial or meaningless. For example, a frequent refrain throughout the book is that studies comparing genders find more variability within genders than between genders. This is undoubtedly true, but it does not mean that the obtained mean differences are unimportant. As an illustration, take the height difference in men and women. Few people would argue that men, on average, are taller than women. Of course, there is greater variability within genders than between; in other words, the difference between the tallest ten percent of men and shortest ten percent is greater than the difference between the average man and woman. But that does not call into question the documented sex difference: Men are, on average, taller than women, and this difference reflects innate biological sex differences. Height, of course, is a trivial trait I chose to make the point vividly, but the same argument can be made about any of the cognitive and psychological traits that solid science (e.g., peer-reviewed meta-analyses) reveals to demonstrate sex differences. To give a more substantive example, while men and women do not differ on overall IQ, they DO differ in the shape of the distribution, with men being disproportionately represented in the tails. To put it bluntly, there are more severely retarded men...but there are also more male geniuses. Why, nobody knows, but it does no good to try to pretend these differences don't exist or to blame it on some nonexistent glass ceiling that is preventing women from geniushood.

In short, I feel this book goes too far in trying to deny the existence of sex differences. I agree with the authors that the "Men are from Mars" and Carol Gilligan crowd is doing a disservice to men and women alike by stereotyping and pigeonholing us and insisting that we do not have the capabilities or flexibilities to show traits associated with the opposite gender. But I think "Same Difference" undermines their own argument by insisting too steadfastly that there are no differences at all, and their argument is undermined further by a willingness to rely on anecdotal evidence they (rightfully) dismiss in others' work. Yes, there is tremendous variability within genders, and both men and women are capable of an infinite range of behaviors, emotions, and talents. But men and women also differ, reliably, consistently, and in statistically significant and practically important ways. To pretend that they don't is the tale of the emperor's new clothes all over again.

17 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A breath of fresh air, February 12, 2006

By	L. L Teuling "meloroze" (McAllen, TX) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, and Our Jobs (Hardcover)

This book was a breath of fresh air for me, as I will bet it has been for many others - both male and female.

I must respectfully disagree with those who would say that the authors of this book are trying to minimize the differences between men and women. They agree that there are, indeed, differences. But the point they make - and I feel eloquently - is that the differences are not as sharply drawn as we think and they do not need to hamper communication between the genders and/or limit what life choices either gender "must" make.

Before I go on, let me state that I am a feminine acting woman. I have a lot of interests that fit the image people have of women "should" be like. I'm a certified bilingual elementary school teacher, I teach piano lessons, I love children and pets. I even knit teddy bears. However, as I now look over this list, I realize that my interests are not just limited to the female of the species. Perhaps more men will choose certain careers and more women will choose others; it could very well be. Perhaps we will always have more female kindergarten teachers than male and more male engineers than female. Maybe more women than men will knit and crochet and more men will tinker with engines and motors in general and automobiles in particular. But steering either men or women away from certain careers because of gender can be damaging to an individual. Somewhere we need to understand that each person is an individual and that trying to stuff people into arbitrary categories hurts individuals and the possible contribution they can make to society.

Perhaps the difference in physical size and strength (a very real one) could account for more men going into certain professions and more women going into others. But there are others such as engineering into which more women are entering. I had an enlightening talk with an older female friend who was a math teacher who said that when she was a young woman studying math she could not go into engineering because she, being a woman, was not permitted to go out into the field. The authors of this book tell about a school counselor who guided girls away from studying math - and I could bet that there are many examples of this.

I feel strongly about this because I was, at one time, struggling with it myself. For many years I thought that I as a female could never be logical. Consequently, I didn't study the wonderful subject of logic. When I finally did, I was surprised to find out that I did quite well. In fact, my logic professor (a man) told me that in his classes, women actually outperformed men! While this was just his classes and didn't include statistics from other logic classes, it was certainly food for thought. The same thing held true for mathematics. I often had trouble in algebra (a trait I've since found out that I have in common with a lot of men, including author C. S. Lewis) but later on I found out that with extra study, conferring with people who knew more about it that I did, and a big dose of self-discipline, I could do it, too.

I also feel strongly about this because in spite of my "feminine" activities, I still did not fit the stereotype of women. I married late in life - in my 50's. The drive and desire that makes many women want to have a home and family was left out of my makeup, and I lived happily as a bachelorette for many years before meeting the man who is now my husband. I put up with a lot of verbal garbage from people because I stayed single for so long.

I have wondered if men who don't fit the stereotype feel the same way. I think about my father who is a very nurturing, caring person who is at his happiest and most vital mindset when with his grandchildren. How about a man who is not good in math? (And there are many) How about a tenderhearted man? (And there are many)

The differences between men and women should not have to hamper the communication between the two genders. A good dose of listening skills and old-fashioned good manners can eliminate a lot of communication problems.

9 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Brillant Book!, September 18, 2004

By	lavender (California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, And Our Jobs (Hardcover)

It's about time someone took on the sexist rubbish which now
is killing our society.I for years have been furious at the
writers who insult men and women by placing us in conflict,
by telling us we are different and unable to understand one
another.My guess is the books sold because of people's
inability to see one another as individuals.
So much harm has already been done.A friend's son picked up
"The Wonder of Girls" from a friends home and went telling
everyone in town "girls are dumb and can't do math" This has
a horrible effect on our children.
As a woman,I grew so tired of hearing how women are
"supposed" to be "more emotional" "have low self esteem"and
are more prone to "depression" I was never infected with any
of these problems.And then if a man is depressed he's afraid
someone will see him as "weak" and he won't get help.
Some of us have been able to look beyond the gender rubbish
and see it as a good sell for the writers instead of the
gospel truth.
If we don't think of one another as individuals,there will
be unfairness in school,the work place and in life.
I even saw a site for a women's college which stated
" women have different learning styles" I was thinking,what?
People have different learning styles,not the sexes.
This book is so refreshing!