How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable: Getting Your Point Across with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (Paperback)

by Suzette Haden Elgin (Author) "We are surrounded by language, everywhere we go and in everything we do, just as surely as we are surrounded by air..." (more)
Key Phrases: hostile language, traditional schoolroom, combat metaphor, Ruth Brown, Satir Modes, Miller's Law (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
As bestselling author Suzette Haden Elgin proves, you don't have to live your life on red alert. With her Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense techniques, you'll be able to respond clearly to hostile comments from others—or deliver necessary negative messages of your own—without sacrificing your dignity or principles. You'll learn to:

• Keep domestic disagreements from escalating
• Deliver criticism to coworkers, employers, or employees
• Handle aggressive, negative comments about race, politics, or religion
• Provide discipline without increasing hostility
• Use language that reduces tension and creates rapport in every situation

From the Back Cover
As bestselling author Suzette Haden Elgin proves, you don't have to live your life on red alert. With her Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense techniques, you'll be able to respond clearly to hostile comments from others--or deliver necessary negative messages of your own--without sacrificing your dignity or principles. You'll learn to: Keep domestic disagreements from escalating Deliver criticism to coworkers, employers, or employees Handle aggressive, negative comments about race, politics, or religion Provide discipline without increasing hostility Use language that reduces tension and creates rapport in every situation

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Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Wiley (March 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0471157058
• ISBN-13: 978-0471157052
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #158,738 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 61 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A very practical book on handling everyday situations, October 16, 1998

By	Laura (Oklahoma) - See all my reviews

How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable is the 12th book in the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense series. The first three books present the general principles of the Gentle Art and how to use them to handle hostile language coming at you. The remaining books each deal with using these principles in specific situations. Each can stand alone and the ones I have read have been very relevant to their subject. In this book, Dr. Elgin discusses how to impart negative messages or criticism to others without increasing hostility in your language environment. The first part of the book deals with an overview of hostile language and its cost both to society and our personal lives. I thought this information was interesting because the way we use language is taken for granted and it is a fascinating idea that each one making deliberate and thoughtful changes in the way they use language can have a great positive influence in our world. The remainder of the book gives practical ways to pass on negative messages without resorting to hostile language or making an already difficult situation even more so. Where it is applicable, the different ways situations are handled by men and women are discussed. One of the things I appreciated most in this part of the book was the use of scenarios. These dialogues enabled me to see and hear both the way a particular situation is handled and how using that particular technique would be better. Since there are many occasions which require the passing of negative information, this is a very practical book and one I would recommend for everyone. As a volunteer reference librarian in a public library system, I think it would be a good addition to public libraries also.

52 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars A book you can easily pass by., September 28, 1998

By A Customer

I have read several books in the Verbal Self-Defense series and in all truthfullness I must say that the first book - Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense - made a terrific impression on me. Her subsequent books in the series were extensions on the same theme but one has to really look deep into the material to find even marginal benefits. I felt quite disappointed reading "How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable : Getting Your Point Across With the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" I was expecting to see some concrete steps I could use in daily interactions with people but all I saw were trite explanations and a rehash of the earlier books.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An extremely strong book, October 5, 1998

By A Customer

The Gentle Art series is written for "normal" people. Each of the books is written to a different audience and each is very powerful. Few people should read all the books, but those with the specific needs can not find anything better. This book has strong tools you can use in day to day interactions with dialogues, examples and powerfully clean writing.