Genderspeak: Men, Women, and the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (Paperback)

~ (Author) "And now," said Mary Clayton, "I'd like to hear your thoughts on the proposal..." (more)
Key Phrases: touch dominant person, verbal attack patterns, schoolroom metaphor, Miller's Law, Satir Modes, Mary Clayton (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Elgin ( The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense ) offers a counter to Deborah Tannen's You Just Don't Understand . Elgin argues that men and women, in fact, speak the same language and can successfully communicate with one another in the workplace, family and intimate relationships. Though she agrees that men and women perceive the world differently, she sees language and communication as a way to bridge those differences rather than as the greatest barrier. Structured around her "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" system, this volume demonstrates how to tackle various situations in which men and women often end up in verbal conflict. Each chapter includes a narrative conflict case study, analysis, discussion of communication techniques and review of the original case. The issues Elgin traces out are very up-to-date (two-career-family problems, sexual harassment), her advice is straightforward and clear and the techniques seem smart and reasonable. Though, as she admits, her system assumes quite a bit of cultural homogeneity, it offers a practical and useful guide for treading the minefield of communication between men and women. BOMC, QPB and Fortune Book Club selections; author tour.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

For doing verbal battle with the opposite sex, this is the book I'd want to have by my side. I found the audio of Suzette Haden Elgin's first book, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, exceedingly useful in countering everyday conversational barbs; this book is even better, turning the focus to the gender arena. It's amazing how easy it is to fall into conversation traps rooted in differences between men's and women's perceptions of the world. The example dialogs given here will hit you where you live, especially for women who find themselves feeling trapped or misunderstood in exchanges with men. All of us can use these techniques to defuse and avoid verbal minefields, on the job-and everywhere else. -- From The WomanSource Catalog & Review: Tools for Connecting the Community for Women; review by Ilene Rosoff

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Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Wiley; 1 edition (May 10, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0471580163
• ISBN-13: 978-0471580164
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #747,075 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The single most valuable book on SPEECH I have seen., August 11, 2000

By	Jacqueline Lichtenberg "sf/f writer" (Arizona) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Suzette Haden Elgin has written a number of sf/f novels illustrating the principles explicated in GENDERSPEAK, but here you can learn them in a matter of a few hours reading. As a professional sf writer as well as an online teacher of writing, I have found her insights to apply not only to daily interactions among people, but to the understanding of anthropology and social speech patterns that every writer must grasp to create dialogue.

GENDERSPEAK and the other Verbal Self-Defense books by Elgin are lucid, clear, easily applied manuals of how to conduct a conversation without turning it into mortal combat for control of the agenda or power over other people's emotions, or conversely how to turn any innocent exchange into mortal combat at the drop of an intonation or idiom.

It isn't just the verbally abused who need to read these books and take her course. This book is most truly vital reading for those who know no other way of dealing with people (intimately in family interactions or in the business world) without putting them down, undermining their self-confidence, or attempting to dominate.

Each of us has a speaking style that is both ideosyncratic and belongs to a short list of stylistic patterns which Elgin identifies. Read this book to learn the pattern you are using, and you will gain command enough to change that pattern and thus your destiny in life.

Read this book to raise your consciousness of how speech patterns mark us as victims or abusers. Non-native speakers of American Standard English need to read this book. It will solve many mysteries for you.

Give this book as a gift to your friends who are not getting the promotions they deserve on the job, or who fight agonizingly with their spouses.

Live Long and Prosper, Jacqueline Lichtenberg

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I cannot repay Dr. Elgin for what she has given me, September 16, 2001

By A Customer

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense was fantastic. Genderspeak is equally valuable. The book contains a useful metaphor between language traffic and automobile traffic. I finally realized the effect my language has on my physical health as well as the health of my relationships with others. This book is worth 10 years of therapy.

Because people cant immediately see the results of language traffic violations, they dont realize that theres a connection between their language behavior and the negative consequencesfor themselves as well as for othersthat only appear later."

"Hostile language can kill you as surely as hostile driving can. The most serious risk factor for heart disease is chronic exposure to hostile language interactions. Hostile language hurts and frustrates and confuses people. It makes blood pressures soar and hearts pound and stomachs churn. It causes ulcers and strokes and migraines and depression. It makes people so flustered that they have dangerous accidents, in their homes and workplaces and in their cars. It can drive people to physical violence. All this is well known. The problem is thatunlike what happens when you run head-on into a speeding car in the wrong lanethe damage usually takes place slowly, over time, and the wounds arent readily visible. Its easy to see that violating the rules on the road is dangerous; its much harder to see the dangers when the space being shared is linguistic space.