When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (Mass Market Paperback)

by Manuel J. Smith (Author) "Almost twenty years ago, in college just after being discharged from the army, I met an honest, gutsy man..." (more)
Key Phrases: assertive verbal skills, systematic assertiveness, assertive therapy, Santa Monica, Zev Wanderer, Susan Levine (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!"  Are you letting your kids get away with murder?  Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you?  Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism?  Are you having trouble coping with people?  Learn the answers in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty,  the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way.

From the Publisher
The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!" Are you letting your kids get away with murder? Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you? Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism? Are you having trouble coping with people? Learn the answers in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way.

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Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (January 1, 1985)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553263900
• ISBN-13: 978-0553263909
• Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.1 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (51 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #11,857 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

60 of 61 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Skills That You Can Use Immediately, December 26, 2001

By	Philip Hamilton (Austin, TX USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

While based on solid theory, this book teaches practical skills that you can use immediately. You'll find yourself comfortably using some techniques well before you even finish the book.

This book impressed me when I first read it 25 years ago. And it has stood the test of time: I felt amazed at how much more useful the techniques seemed when I reread it recently.

A couple of points deserve emphasis:
1. In addition to teaching you how to say "no" without feeling guilty, the author masterfully teaches you simple, powerful techniques for keeping your cool while you're under attack.
2. This book plays an important role in the set of cognitive, emotive, and behavioral skills taught by psychologists such as Albert Ellis and David Burns. While books such as "A New Guide to Rational Living" (Ellis) and "The Feeling Good Handbook" (Burns) contain tools that address a far wider range of problems, Smith's methods work far more rapidly, easily, and consistently for the challenges that this book addresses.

I strongly recommend this book for anyone wanting to quickly and easily learn to (i) say "no" without feeling guilty and/or (ii) react coolly to attacks by others.

52 of 53 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Most Useful Book That I Have Ever Read, August 12, 1999

By A Customer

Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help me" and self-disclosure and the broken record to convince store employees to accept back defective merchandise even if their store policy "doesn't allow" them to do this! This book taught me how to stand up for myself and stop trying to solve everyone else's problems (the store's agreement with a manufacturer or distributor)and focus on getting what I have paid for. I am smiling as I write this because I have just returned from a trip to a major toy retailer whose store manager refused to take back a defective stroller "because you don't have the box." Needless to say, after using Dr. Smith's methods, the manager gave me full credit on my credit card within fifteen minutes. I never needed to become unpleasant or raise my voice. Dr. Smith should be cannonized by the "doormats" of the world. You will be doing yourself a favor if you buy this book!

39 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Learn assertiveness skills with this excellent manual., July 29, 2002

By	Beth Cholette "doctor_beth" (Upstate NY USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

I am a psychologist working in a college counseling center, and this is the number one book on assertiveness that I recommend to my clients. Dr. Smith begins by describing "Your 10 Assertive Rights," a reminder that we all have a right do such human things as say "I don't know" and change our minds. He then introduces various assertiveness strategies one by one, starting with the very basic skill of persistence (AKA the "broken record" technique). For each strategy, Dr. Smith presents a short dialogue vignette to help you better understand how to apply that technique to real life. Once he has thoroughly taught all of the individual techniques, Dr. Smith puts them all together and addresses assertiveness in different types of situations--ie, with your family members versus with your boss. This is a great book for anyone who is tired of not being able to say "no" and ready to learn how to change their behavior.